CATLADYCLUB FAR MEMBER's blog: "HURT AND UPSET"

FIRST I FOUND OUT THAT MY OTHER HALF HAS STARTED SMOKING AGAIN. I ASKED HIM WHEN DID HE START AND HE NEVER ANSWERED ME. THEN I TRIED TO CALL HIS CELL PHONE TO TELL HIM ABOUT THE UPDATE ON THE BENOIT FAMILY AND THE PHONE WAS OFF. HE NEVER TURNS THE PHONE OFF. I DONT REALLY KNOW HOW MUCH MORE I SHOULD TAKE FROM HIM. I REALLY CARE AND LOVE HIM. BUT I CANT TAKE THE LIES AND NOW HIDING THINGS FROM ME. I WILL GIVE HIM A CHANCE TO TELL ME WHY HE IS DOING THAT. IF HE WONT TELL ME THEN I AM JUST GONNA FIND ANOTHER PLACE TO LIVE. GIVE HIM SPACE TO FIGURE OUT WHAT HE WANTS. I HAVE BEEN THRU WAY TOO MUCH IN MY PAST TO GO THRU IT ALL OVER AGAIN. I DESERVE BETTER THAN WHAT HE IS GIVING ME. I WILL KEEP YOU ALL UPDATED ON WHAT IS GOING ON. TY

FIRST I FOUND OUT THAT MY OTHER HALF HAS STARTED SMOKING AGAIN. I ASKED HIM WHEN DID HE START AND HE NEVER ANSWERED ME. THEN I TRIED TO CALL HIS CELL PHONE TO TELL HIM ABOUT THE UPDATE ON THE BENOIT FAMILY AND THE PHONE WAS OFF. HE NEVER TURNS THE PHONE OFF. I DONT REALLY KNOW HOW MUCH MORE I SHOULD TAKE FROM HIM. I REALLY CARE AND LOVE HIM. BUT I CANT TAKE THE LIES AND NOW HIDING THINGS FROM ME. I WILL GIVE HIM A CHANCE TO TELL ME WHY HE IS DOING THAT. IF HE WONT TELL ME THEN I AM JUST GONNA FIND ANOTHER PLACE TO LIVE. GIVE HIM SPACE TO FIGURE OUT WHAT HE WANTS. I HAVE BEEN THRU WAY TOO MUCH IN MY PAST TO GO THRU IT ALL OVER AGAIN. I DESERVE BETTER THAN WHAT HE IS GIVING ME. I WILL KEEP YOU ALL UPDATED ON WHAT IS GOING ON. TY

I JUST WANNA RUN AWAY FAR FROM HERE. I CANT DEAL WITH THIS ANYMORE. I JUST NOW FOUND OUT THAT MY FIANCE WAS PLANNING A VACATION TO GO TO LOUISIANA WITHOUT ME. HE WAS NOT EVEN GONNA TELL ME. HE SAID HE TOLD ME. BUT HE DIDNOT OR I WOULD OF NOT HAVE GOTTEN UPSET. PLUS HE HAS BEEN TALKING TO THIS GIRL HE WENT TO SCHOOL WITH. SO I BELIEVE HE WAS GONNA GO SEE HER WHILE HE WAS DOWN THERE. I CANT BELEIVE HE WAS NOT GONNA ASK ME TO GO. HE WAS GONNA BE GOING AROUND HIS B-DAY.HOW I FOUND OUT WAS HE CAME HOME FROM LUNCH AND CHECKED TO SEE HOW MUCH VACATION TIME HE HAD. HE WAS GONNA GO SEE HIS FAMILY. I WOULD HAVE LOVED TO GO. WE HAD PLANNED ON GOING TOGETHER BEFORE AND MAKING A TRIP TO SEE SOME FRIENDS. WHY WOULD A GUY DO THAT? I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. I JUST WANNA CRAWL IN A HOLE AND DISSAPEAR. TY FOR READING THIS. HUGS,CHARLENE

SORRY I HAVENT BEEN ON TOO MUCH HERE LATELY. I AM GOING THRU SOME TERRIBLE THINGS RITE NOW. FIRST MY UNCLE PASSES AWAY. THEN ME AND MY ONE SISTER GET INTO IT. NOW I HAVE TWO OF MY FAMILY MEMBERS ACCUSING MY FIANCE OF GOING THRU MY AUNTS CABINETS AT HER HOUSE AFTER THE FUNERAL. I WAS LIKE OMG WHAT. I WAS THERE IN THE KITCHEN THE WHOLE TIME. EXCEPT FOR THE BATHROOM. WHEN WE TOOK PICS HE WAS OUTSIDE WITH US. I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THEY WOULD START THIS AGAIN. THATS WHY I LEFT OHIO YEARS AGO. I JUST CANT BELIEVE THAT THEY STOOD THERE THAT WHOLE TIME AND WATCHED HIM SUPPOSEDLY DO THIS AND NEVER SAY ANYTHING UNTIL SATURDAY. THEY LET 2 DAYS GO BY. I MEAN COME ON. IF I SAW SOMEONE DOING SOMETHING WRONG I WOULD OF TOLD SOMEONE RIGHT THEN AND THERE. THEY COULD OF PULLED ME ASIDE AND TOLD ME. OR ATLEAST CALLED ME. BUT NO THEY TELL MY SISTER TO TELL AND ASK ME. SO I TOLD HER TO TELL ME WHO SAID IT AND SHE WONT. SO I AM DONE WITH THAT SIDE OF THE FAMILY. SORRY TO SAY BUT I DONT BELIEVE IN STARTING DRAMA WITH THEM. I AM JUST SO HURT BY WHAT THEY HAVE DONE. WHY DO PEOPLE DO THESE THINGS TO THIER OWN FAMILY. I DONT UNDERSTAND. OK OK ENOUGH RANTING FOR NOW. TTYL. BIG HUGS,CHARLENE

WELL IT LOOKS LIKE MY OTHER BLOG DID NOT SHOW UP. BECAUSE I DONT SEE IT. I HAVE BEEN GOING THRU ALOT THESE PAST 2 DAYS. NOW I AM BEING BLAMED FOR THE PROBLEMS THAT ME AND MY OTHER ARE HAVING. HE TOLD ME THAT IT IS NOT HIS FAULT THAT I AM INSECURE ABOUT MYSELF. I AM NOT. IT JUST UPSETS THAT HE HAS BEEN TALKING TO THESE FEMALES BEHIND MY BACK. HE SPENDS MOST OF HIS FREE TIME ON HIS LAP TOP THEN HE DOES WITH ME. BUT IM SUPPOSED TO BE OK WITH THAT. AND IM NOT SUPPOSED TO GET JEALOUS OF THESE GIRLS WHO ARE CLOSER TO HIS AGE AND BETTER LOOKING THAN ME. IM SUPPOSED TO JUST DEAL WITH IT HE SAYS BECAUSE THEY LIVE FAR AWAY. WHY AM I THE ONE TO BLAME FOR WHAT GOES ON. HES THE ONE DOING THIS NOT ME. I DONT IGNORE HIM. I DONT GO LOOKING FOR OTHER MEN LIKE HE DOES WOMEN. I DONT SPEND ALL DAY LOOKING AT WEBCAMS WAITING FOR GUYS TO GET NAKED. LIKE HE DOES WITH THE FEMALES. I AM BEGINNING TO THINK THAT HE DOES NOT CARE FOR ME ANYMORE. I AM JUST SO CONFUSED. ON TOP OF THAT MY GRANDMA IS GETTING WORSE WITH HER DEMENTIA. MY GRANDPA SAYS IF SHE DOESNT GET A LITTLE BETTER SOON. HES GONNA PUT HER IN A NURSING HOME. SHE IS GETTING TOO MUCH FOR HIM TO HANDLE ALONE. THEY ARE IN FLORIDA RIGHT NOW. MY WORLD IS SPIRALING OUT OF CONTROL. I AM STILL LOOKING FOR THAT DARK HOLE TO CRAWL INTO TO DISSAPPEAR. MY INSIDES ARE ARE HURTING FROM ALL THIS STRESS. SORRY TO DUMP MORE OUT THERE. BUT IT JUST HELPS TO WRITE IT DOWN. TY

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU CAN NO LONGER TRUST THE ONE YOU LOVE. WHEN HE HAS LIED AND BETRAYED YOU. THEN ASKS WHAT ARE YOU JEALOUS? WHY MEN GOTTA LIE, WHY THEY GOTTA HIDE SHIT FROM THE ONES THEY CLAIM TO LOVE. TELL ME THAT YOU LOVE ME BUT YET DO THINGS BEHIND MY BACK AND THEN LIE TO MY FACE. I HATE THAT MORE THAN ANYTHING. I AM SO HURT. THE COMPUTER IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN I WILL EVER BE. I THOUGHT THAT WITH TIME HE WOULD CHANGE. I WAS WRONG. HES NEVER GONNA CHANGE NO MATTER WHAT I DO OR SAY. I DESERVE BETTER. I AM JUST AT MY WITS END WITH THIS. I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. SOMETIMES I JUST WANNA CRAWL IN A HOLE AND DISSAPPEAR. I FEEL LIKE MY LIFE IS OUT OF CONTROL. I JUST DONT KNOW ANYMORE. SORRY I HAD TO WRITE DOWN WHAT I AM FEELING. IT HELPS ME.