I am not so good today. I am very tired and exhausted emotionally. I think that my heart has been broken for the last time. I care about someone very much. It goes so much more deeper than that though. I truely love her. There is no other way to say it. I love her so much that it hurts not to see her. Everyday I wake up and think about her and how much I miss her and I am so sad that I wake up alone and without her. I miss the way she sounds sleeping in the bed next to me and the way it feels to have her lay against my chest. I have no choice but to accept that this is how the current situation is and that I have to wait and hope every moment of every day that it will change. I miss her so much. I spend my days waiting and praying that she will talk to me. It doesnt have to be about us but just about anything. Hey how was your day?, Whats up?, any thing. The silence hurts the most. I have not delt with this situation that well. I just dont know how to. I have never cared this much about someone before. I have thought that I did in the past about other people, but none of that compares to the empty feeling I have now. I feel so hollow and empty. Even in a crowded room I am totally alone. I feel as if something has ripped a hole into my soul and taken a peice of it away. I just dont feel complete without her in my life anymore. I can not move on past her. I have tried and tried but I cannot forget about her. She means everything to me and I am willing to sacrafice everything in my life just to be with her again. I know that sounds obsesive, but I would gladly trade every materalistic thing I own to spend the rest of my life with her. I want to spend the rest of my life with this one person. I wish there was a way to make her understand and feel how I feel about her for just a moment, Then maybe she would understand how much I truely love her. I wish she just could understand that and was ready to commit to me. But untill then I just have to live day by day and wait till she is ready. Baby if you read this I want you to know that I havent given up on us and that I am waiting paiently for you to come back to me. I love you and want to spend the rest of my life showing you that. Love Always CJ
