Jiggles's blog: "I always knew...."

Your fingertips across my skin The palm trees swaying in the wind Images You sang me Spanish lullabies The sweetest sadness in your eyes Clever trick Well, I never want to see you unhappy I thought you'd want the same for me Goodbye, my almost lover Goodbye, my hopeless dream I'm trying not to think about you Can't you just let me be? So long, my luckless romance My back is turned on you Should've known you'd bring me heartache Almost lovers always do We walked along a crowded street You took my hand and danced with me Images And when you left, you kissed my lips You told me you would never, ever forget These images Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy I thought you'd want the same for me Goodbye, my almost lover Goodbye, my hopeless dream I'm trying not to think about you Can't you just let me be? So long, my luckless romance My back is turned on you Should've known you'd bring me heartache Almost lovers always do I cannot go to the ocean I cannot drive the streets at night I cannot wake up in the morning Without you on my mind So you're gone and I'm haunted And I bet you are just fine Did I make it that Easy to walk right in and out Of my life? Goodbye, my almost lover Goodbye, my hopeless dream I'm trying not to think about you Can't you just let me be? So long, my luckless romance My back is turned on you Should've known you'd bring me heartache Almost lovers always do

The wretched filth that pours from your mouth Will fuel the flame that burns down south The growing power of your hell To rot your brain and tell the tale Your putrid eyes can see the hate The corrupt future that is your fate Sights of anguish, pain, and sorrow Will be your future that is the morrow You've damned yourself to kingdom come It all adds up to a fatal sum Satan calls you to your place Corrupts your beauty with a rotten face Honesty will bring you down Jealousy will swirl around Lie your ass off and never care Let them catch you if you dare Your sanity crumbles away As your innocents is led astray What you reap is what you sow Despite the truths that you know There is no human left in you The person that you once had knew The monster eats the burning flame Rot away by sorrow and shame.

I was going to write about your pain, how you must of felt, Then i started thinking, and i thought about me, Trying to remember whats in that lone hole, dug into my heart so deep, This whole thing started and i was so blind, it started in a week and i was terrified, But i had to live up to my word so i did it anyways, but forgot you forced me when i fell for your gaze, I loved you, and i always have, all these little things come up, all the things i think are really bad, I forget about the rights and start counting up your wrongs, the whole time thinking that everything, thinking its all my fault, I think about what's all changed about you, and i always think its because of me, How the pain must of changed you when i was to leave, But then i start wondering did you really change, or was i too blind to notices these things? I fall to my bed, just filled with the weight of my guilt, your so happy and have moved on, And then i start to think, did you ever really care about me at all? Tell me whats so wrong with me that you can leave so easily? Theres not a better time to have a broken heart then this, When is all this pain going to quit? I feel like im about to explode, i cant take it much longer, Because what seems like a thousands years ago, Is when you cared for my ryhming words, Im walking on shattered pieces of glass, Feet are scar-ed but they'll heal as times pass, Every word you say cuts me like a knife, To know i screwed up your life, Because your so diffrent then before, And because of this fact, the pain i cant ignore, You dont know if you love me, but i know i do, The pains so unbareable, I have to do something about it soon.

i think i might of finally find someone cant say that he doesnt make me smile but for some reason your always still on my mind now that you've been gone it seems like you've always been on my mind i thought that once i found someone you would all of a sudden dissapear and that my tears would fade away and now im wondering if i made the right decision to make him the one without letting go of you first its not fair to him and only hurts me i never told you how i relly felt i never told you that every night i cry myself to sleep knowing that me and you just werent meant to be but now im scared you've been gone for so long i've shut the door on those old feelings and another one opened but i forgot to lock the previous and somehow those feelings snuck through the cracks and are eating away at my broken heart im lost and confused afraid that it'll all end up bad i love him so much nothing in this world can replace him but you've already made your stain on my heart and no matter how many times i try to srub it off you still remain there

We started out okay but he blew it all away My heart was hidden inside of him where no one could harm it but little did i know he was the man who would ruin it and rip my heart to shreds he told me he loved me and then he got what he wanted and left me tears after what he got what he needed to bare he said *you are nothing just a waste of time and air* i look at him and say *you are right* my feelings shred away leaving me with nothing but this desire to kill i look around to see where they have hidden my heart and soul put together the black roses fall against my smooth hardened skin the thorns cut me deep as the blood begins to spin the dark pool swallowing my feet and threatening to drown what is left of me and my ugliness of shameful defeat......

I was to shy and too young to say or do anything about it. So I waited for you to love me, I waited for so long. I remember the lonely nights knelling on my floor Looking threw my window at the stars, praying for you to love me one day. The day you came to me and said you wanted to be that "special some" one with me, I was speechless. The moments we shared were so special, so gifted, and so unforgetful. I wanted to tell you that I love you, but I thought it was too soon for your behalf. You were the only one who would listen and understand like no other, and never judge. The way you would hold me in your arms late at night and kiss my forehead, the way you smiled, and those amazingly beautiful blue eyes, the sweet kiss on the lips you give to me just before I would leave, the sweet way you would show up at my work, just to surprise me, the late nights just standing around for hours doing nothing and loving every moment of it, I thought we were going to be with each other forever. I told you on and on again how happy I am to be with you. I never told you how much I truly love you, but the day that I was going to tell you to stay with me, to be with me, and never let go, to just be here with me forever and allways... You let go... When you told me things werent going to work out between us, my heart completely fell into pieces and shattered on the ground, the tears followed. I was to upset to say or do anything, so I pushed you away so I didnt have to face you. We never had that one last kiss, hug, or good bye. And so I lie in my bed and cry myself asleep, thinking to myself, "what did I do wrong to ruin our relationship" I saw you drive away with your friends, laughing and having a good time, while I sit and shed more tears, I dont understand how I can be so hurt and you can just walk away like it happens all the time and it doesnt faze you one bit. The last day I saw you, my heart was broke.

It used to be quiet, We used to get along. We used to talk it out, When I did something wrong. I can't remember when it changed, And why we dont't do that anymore. You no longer call me Sweet-Pea, That's now been changed to Whore. You've changed so much, From the person I once knew, To the abusive asshole, That yells and drinks too. I only know one way out, One way to be free. I hurt meself, cause you hurt me. I don't know another way. To make the pain leave. I have to get you out of my head. I have to roll up my sleve. The Blade slips in, And my pain goes away, Vanishes, like I wish I could. But with your abuse I must stay. The blood drips off me, As I slash at my arm. Remembering a time, When you'd do me no harm. A million little cuts, Cover me head to toe. A million little cuts, That you'll never know. They don't hurt at all, Unlike you, but you can't see, You're too busy with that bottle. cause you hurt me. You drink yourself stupid, And get mad at the little things, Then take it out on me, Like when the phone rings. I can't take it anymore. I can't live with you. I can't take your abuse. I need to start new. I can't escape, You stop me at the door. cause you hurt me, And I can't take it anymore. Now it's quiet. Now we get along, Now we talk, When I do something wrong. However, it's not that easy, Because I'm not sleeping in my bed. cause you hurt me, And now I lie here dead. These million little cuts, Got to me bad. These million little cuts, Caused by you

If you hurt me, I won´t love you I don´t know why you feel the way you do. Let me tell you If you hurt me, I won´t love you!! That will be a fact, and it´s so true. You reap what you sow Treat me well, love me tenderly, And I´ll love you in return. Building trust with a caring togetherness, And our love will always burn. Give me your time, I´ll give you mine. Show me you care and I´ll be there. That is what love is all about. Grant me all your smiles. Tears, I´m no longer bear. True love can´t be bought, For true love is given for free. Start feeling its wonders, Make it happen, let it be... So, only true love must be given for real!! You said you loved me. So, why you cruelly hurt me!! I don´t understand that kind of love. If someone so special truly cares, Will give his heart and time.