tjtoaster's blog: "I hate ninjas"

Oh I have made it quite clear that I am not afraid of them. So far I have posted two blogs about them, this will be my third. I will not be intimidated by them. Once again they have tried to mess with me, and once again I will stand alone against them. As I have said before, there really is no mission for the modern day Ninja, so they must find a way to hone their skills. And I have figured out how they do it. They sneak into you place and hide your keys. They leave no evidence of their presence, but I know it is them. And now they have struck again. Last week I decided to go for a ride on my mountain bike, since I am riding near the wire, I pack my pistol in my camelback. (better to have it an not need it than need it and not have it) I took my Beretta out of my holster and put an extra mag in the mp3 pocket they have. Everything was cool. Until I got back, I put the camelback on my bed as I changed and pulled the pistol out to put directly on my paddle holster. The extra clip was pulled out so I could hang up the pack out of the way. Later when I went to put up my mag, it was gone. Needless to say, I was unhappy. I spent all kinds of time looking for it, no luck. Yesterday I found it against on of the legs of my bed. It was not hidden or out of sight, in fact I saw it easily. So I should have very easily seen it when I was looking for it. Clearly ninjas stole it while I was away and held onto it for a couple days. Then placed it somewhere I would have already looked to mock me. It is obvious that ninjas have decided to target me. Now I knew that they would be after me since I revealed their secrets in earlier e-mails. I have taken proper measures and moved at least four times since I first wrote my anti-ninja blog. I would like to make this proclamation, “I will not fear Ninjas and will continue to speak out against them until we are free of their mischief.” If they wanted to continue their historical missions like spying and assassination I would be okay with it. As long as they sneak into our homes and hide the remote, reprogram the VCR, change the angle of car mirrors, and move keys I will continue the good fight.

A while ago I wrote a blog about how I hate ninjas, a few days later I was talking to someone who really got me thinking. Ninjas are sneaky, and have been honing their skills by hiding your keys and the remote and such. But what could they really do to keep up their skills? They hire out their skills right? They were spies and assassins right? And the US is the most powerful and technologically advanced country in world right? Well I figured it out. Ninjas have been hiding Osama Bin Laden. Think about it, it makes perfect sense. We have all kinds of cool satellites and cool gear, we have put out HUGE rewards and have scoured the region looking for him. People like to mention how he is 6’5” and traveling with a dialysis machine. You would think that would stand out. How does he keep evading us? Ninjas, that’s how. Osama Bin Laden has hired ninjas to keep him hidden. That is okay, we can use that against them. Now instead of trying listen in on cell phone conversations we need to use our satellites to look for trees that look like they have been cut down while used for sword practice. Our spy satellites can read the time on a wrist watch, surely they can scan for throwing stars that have been dropped along the trails. When we put guys in the field, they should look for the tracks left by their special ninja sandals. We will use the very people that he is using to hide and protect him against him. So either we find him through his ninjas, or he gets rid of the ninjas, and we find him once he is no longer under their protection. Damn ninjas.

I hate Ninjas because they are sneaky bastards. The real problem is that there are no more Samurais. When there were still a lot of Samurais around, Ninjas were well employed. Now that they do not have their nemesis around they are bored and need to find ways to keep themselves trained and entertained. And of course since they are well hidden, no one knows how to hire them Shame on you Ninjas. You could have made your services available and taken out Saddam. We could have hired a bunch of Ninjas to find Osama bin Laden. Think of the American lives we could have saved. But instead of working toward the common good, Ninjas spend their time hiding keys and creating mischief. Now I know that sneaking into my home, hiding my keys, and getting back out without getting shot in the ass is quite a feat, but is not the best use of their skills. I understand that it is like the Native American tradition of counting coup. But come on. Yes I will post this because I am not afraid of Ninjas. My blog is my soapbox and about me venting about things that bother me. So I will post whatever I want about Ninjas with no fear. That is why I hate Ninjas. Well that and I hate having to fix the holes in my wall from throwing stars all the time.