Beautiful Brutality's blog: "I hope everything goes uphill."

I think it is. I caught myself in quite a few of those moments. Despite everything that's going on financially that might make me in a bad position. I am so happy. I mean, it's not just the regular happy. It's the most satisfieing happiness I have felt in my life. Just with a conversation I've been waiting for, and didn't expect that I'd get it, well atleast didn't think it would be tonight. I'm hoping he will forgive me for all my mistakes and realize that I will never fuck up again. But I don't know I'm rather speachless and sometimes I get to the end of a sentence and I'm still in a world of awe that I just don't know what to say, but I know exactly what I'm feeling just hard to put it in words and nothing I type would even come close to how I feel. I love Duane, but tonight I fell inlove with him. With that said, tomorrow is a whole new day, gonna bust my ass harder than ever, going anywhere up to an hour and half away for a job if it calls for it. It just blows my mind that in one conversation, I fell in love and got that extra 100% boost I needed ontop of the 100 I was giving out before. After tonight, All will be well for me atleast for quite a damn while. Have a goodnight all and good rest of the week. CuntRag PS I could really careless if anyone reads this or not, nothing can bring me down from the cloud I'm on.

I didn't sleep last night, I haven't fuckin ate.. I keep crying and fucking crying and all I really want is for my bf to be with me right now. I'm having personal drama with myself and I normally don't get this way much or it passes by fast.. I'm shaking, pale, tried to force myself to eat.. i just feel fucking worthless.. i absolutely need him. My mom is leaving tomorrow to go to St. Louis and I know I really can't be alone.. I'll seriously go insane.. I'm actually scared. why.. i dunno. I wanna fuckin sleep but i can't it just leads to more anxiety for some reason.. i need someone here bad.. but it's just not going to happen.. I don't want n e one around me from here.. omfg I don't even know if I'm repeating myself.. and honestly I'm not fucked up or drunk or n e thing i dunno what to do.. i know no one is gonna read this so i won't be so embarrassed i just need to i don't fuckin know.. fuck it!

Well I got back from Illinois Sunday, things just didn't work out there due to family drama. But past that, Sunday was a great day. I had my bestfriend pick me up from the airport. Then we headed over to my boyfriends. Seeing my two favorite ppl in the world in one day just made it fuckin awesome. My boyfriend told me bout his roommate/bestfriend ,that I clash with, going to be moving out. Well that works for me, I need to move to KC and well the only ppl i can find needing roommates is male and ofcourse I just can't do that. I haven't been talking to Duane much, but that's ok since I know he has alot of stuff to take care of. I just hope everything goes well, I don't see n e flaws in our relationship right now and I just think it's going good other than our personal problems that we need to take care of. Well I don't know, I guess I'll take it day by day. hopefully things will get better and better!