To look me in the eyes. To not lie to me, to her. To try and expect us not to know you who are, what your life is like. You want us to trust you, but how can we when all you do is one lie after another, one story and cover up in a constant pattern. Do you not understand that we can tell when you're lying.
To not make her cry. To not hurt her. I cant handle that. Cant deal with it. You dont answer, don't call and I am left to deal with the pieces, to try and put her back together again. I cant do it on my own, yet you seem to expect me to cuz im the only one who really knows you, yet you claim for her to have no secrets, when you cant measure experiance with words.
For me to accept the fact that at one time I wanted you for my own? Now I see it's not worth it, no point. I would be in her shoes, her pain. While I feel it, understand it, I do not know because I am not with you. Should I rejoice? or should I scorn? Should I forget how I did...do feel? Can I? You will always be apart of my heart like that, despite I never got the chance, but maybe I should be lucky that you didnt break my heart like hers, but still hurt me.
For me to accept the fact that this is nothing new. Peace keeper, something I dont want to be. Shoved in the middle once again by two people I love, care about. Forced to keep both sides from cracking and falling into the already broke pieces. Will it survive this time? Will it be my fault if it doesnt? No matter what I do I just seem to fuck it up. No matter what I do I cant seem to escape it despite the countless amount of times I say leave me out of it. It seems Ill never be able to escape it, out run it.
To understand my life and the events that occur. Why is it the pain finds me before I find the happieness that lurks in the shadows of my mind. To figure out how I can live my life without giving into the drama that it threatens everyday and every second that my eyes are open and my voice awakens. I grow weary of this world and all its irrelevant problems. I wish to stop the world, stop time, cease to exist and just let the world keep turning.
