I STILL MISS YOU. I still find myself waiting for you to walk through the door. I long for that shit eating grin you give when your busted! And you know it , and yet you still refuse to give a damn. I miss the sound of your laughter as you throw me over your shoulder and tell me I'm a lightweight. I miss jumping on the bikes in the dead of the night cause you got a wild hair up your ass. Searching for the tallest cliff you can find to see if I have the balls to jump in after you. Funny how height perspective would change for you the more you had to drink. I used to wonder if the impact alone would snap my neck. I miss following behind you wondering if we would make it through one more curve with you streaking ahead of me like a demon. Did I ever tell you I only kept up so if anything were to happen to you I would be there for you? God looking back there were soo many places, things and ways, I would follow in your wake just to be there if something were to go wrong. BUT NOTHING COULD HAVE PREPARED ME FOR WHAT DID GO WRONG.... OR HOW BADLY IT WOULD END. You changed me babe where once I was soft, I am now hard and bitter. You taught me a lesson I should never have learned.... How it feels to keep living past the point of giving a damn. I used to wonder if we would live to see the sunrise when we were out either chasing or running from YOUR DEMONS ( I still am not sure wich it was ) Now when the night closes in around me and the curve is sharp I no longer wonder if I will make it through.... I just wonder how much my bike has left to give and if I can pull it from her. I no longer care to see the sunrise if it means not having pushed it to the very edge that night where is the joy in the sunrise if you have let fear rule the night? I MISS YOU. There are so many things I wish you could be here just once more to share with me. SOOOO many things I long to share with you. I MISS YOU. There is one thing seeing as I can not tell you I have to put to words. I met this guy babe.... I close my eyes and can almost feel you standing there where he stands. Sometimes in the still of the night when we are together I open my eyes expecting to see you and instead find myself looking into the face of someone new. He too is a game player just like you. He thinks I am soft and unaware of who he is below the surface. But you and I know this is a game I played for yrs. You where the master I learned at your hand. I just find myself asking DO I play to remind myself of you???? Cause babe..... I MISS YOU. Will the day ever come when I no longer have to disguise that with you my heart was taken from me. Will there ever come someone who touches me deeply enough that it will be more than a facade? I MISS YOU. I miss the HOLY SHIT we aren't really gonna try this!! I miss the fuck the price let's ride the ride attitude you brought to me. I miss my riding partner, I miss the one who taught me there are no limits to wich I must toe except those I chose for myself. I miss my lover, most of all I miss my friend. I MISS YOU. I want to explain him to you and it is as hard as explaining you to him. There just isn't any words that can quiet bring you to life. For the simple fact of how alive in each and every minute you lived your life. I MISS YOU. but babe forgive me I WANT HIM. Is it my heart he touches or my memories? Right now I can not be sure. All I know for sure is... I MISS YOU.
