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What are you waiting for?
Distance is defined as the space between two objects. The finite and measurable approximation of relative proximity. And it fails in every way possible to distinguish the pain involved. The loss of a part of yourself as you leave someone behind. The way you want to die when they ask if you're coming back tomorrow. Distance does not account for the feeling of nonexistence just waiting on the sidelines for you to stumble.
Nonexistence is defined as the lack of presence in a given reality. Ironic that it's mening should so closely resemble the implied derivative of great distances. What connection is there? Is it worth fighting for? Is anything worth fighting for when it's all so far away from you? When all you want is to crawl under a rock and bury your head and beg whatever gods you think may have ever existed for the slightest bit of mercy and comfort. What's the purpose in fighting when it seems you alone are willing to fight? One man can change the world, so they say. And yet, what drive must one man possess to change that which desires to be left alone?
I have made my mistakes. I have changed who I was to get closer to who I know I should be. And still, a part of me is withering slowly every day. Burning with the desire to be freed from the cage I place upon myself with distance and time to be forgotten. Still, I wake in the night, desperately searching for things I have not had near for far too long. Still I dream of being close to that which I desire.
And still, I lay my head on my pillow. Fearing the dreams I know will come to taunt and mock me. Fearing the waking up I know shall be filled with an emptiness unabated. Fearing the way the light will hit something and make me think it will be you. Fearing the knowledge that despite it all, I will still hope it is, even though I know it cannot be. And still I lay my head upon the treacherous pillow, and welcome the tormenting dreams of love not mine, and embrace the coming of the too lonely morning. All in the hopes that one day, it will not be a dream. I know it is foolish. I no longer care. I am who I always was, only more honest with myself than ever before. I am alone in every way that no man should ever have to be. I am alone every day. It doesn't go away, it doesn't change. It is my life. I am coming to accept it, though I am using every ounce of my self to fight it off. But it is stronger than I am alone. And it is winning.
And perhaps, that is the saddest part of all.
Hiya Everyone! *waves like a tard*
Just figured I'd knock this out real quick before anyone motices I'm gone, lol. I will miss you all, and it has been a freaking blast. I'll be back whenever I can, see keep your eyes peeled. I could be anywhere O.O
And so nobody freaks out or anything silly like that (yes, the means you Dead), I'll be just fine, lol. You all worry way too much. Oh! And don't let my level get too far behind? Pleeeeeeeeeeease?
I Luvs Ya All
*MWAHS*
I am alive. Lost as always, but hopeful, now more than ever. I have someone who makes me smile no matter what. I have a daughter I love more than anything. And I have the entire world open before me and full of possibilities. I am going far away, as I seem to often do. And I will miss those who matter, just as much as I am sure I will be missed by the same. I will not forget, nor will I be forgotten, and for that I am truly grateful. To my fu-fam (and you know who you are ;) ), I luvs ya all wif all my middle heart. To my firends on here, I'm coming back, and I 'm coming back just as much of a smartass as I am now, so prepare yourselves in advance :D. And to all who don't matter, and if you aren't sure, it's probably you:
You will never understand, don't bother pretending you do
The only one you're making a fool out of, is you
Later, Loves ya, Out.
