BUFFY's blog: "IN HEAVEN"

MY MOM MY BEST FRIEND 04-08-56 - 12-05-2008 THE TIME HAS COME TO DO THE WORSE THING IVE EVER DONE, TO SAY GOODBYE TO MY BEST FRIEND, MY MOM. YOU WERE MY BACK BONE AND I WAS YOUR ROCK, WE STOOD TOGETHER AND ALWAYS TALKED. I WASNT READY FOR YOU TO LEAVE ME LIKE THIS, YOU WERE ALWAYS THERE AND THATS A BIG PART IM GONNA MISS. NOT HAVING YOU TO TALK TO BUT IN PRAYER, BUT I CAN T GET THOSE ANSWERS LIKE WHEN YOU ARE HERE. MY LOVING MOTHER WHAT CAN I DO TO BRING YOU BACK TO ME? THERES NOTHING THAT CAN BE DONE YOUR SOUL WAS SET FREE. FREE FROM ALL THE PAIN I WATCHED YOU GO THROUGH, YOU DONT HAVE TO WORRY NOW CAUSE YOUR BODY IS NOW NEW. NEW AS YOU ALWAYS WANTED CAUSE YOU COULDN T STAND THE PAIN, I WILL MEET YOU AND REACH FOR YOUR HAND AGAIN. I WISH I HAD MORE TIME WITH YOU AND YOUR GRANDCHILDREN TO, WATCH OVER US AS WE GRIEVE SO MUCH FOR YOU. I LOVE YOU MOMMY FOR I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN, YOU WERE NOT ONLY MY MOTHER BUT YOU WERE MY BEST FRIEND. I LOVE YOU MOM DULCINA OAKES © 2008
ONE THING I LOVE DOING IS WRITTING POETRY AND MY MOTHER LOVED IT TO.. SO I PLACE THIS IN HER CASKET FOR EVERYONE TO READ... MY MOTHER WAS SO PROUD WHEN I COULD PUT WORDS TOGETHER LIKE THIS FOR PEOPLE ... SHE HAD A GREAT HEART AND LOVED EVERYONE... THIS IS THE HARDEST THING I EVER DELT WITH.. SO MY WORD TO PEOPLE WHO STILL HAVE THERE MOTHERS IS TO KEEP UR MOTHERS CLOSE TO U... AND NEVER GO A DAY WITHOUT TELLING THEM U LOVE THEM.. I MISSED THE DAY TELLING MY MOM I LOVED HER AND I NEVER SEEN HER AGAIN...NOT ABLE TO SAY GOODBYE NOR HUG HER BUT TO SEE HER LAYING IN THE HOSPITAL BED SLEEPING SO SOUNDLY... SHE WAS TIRED OF HURTING AND BEING STRESSED WITH LIFES SITUATIONS AND HER HEART TOOK ITS LAST BEAT.. AND SHE LEFT AND WENT IN PEACE WITH GOD...

FOR PEOPLE WHO STILL HAVE THERE MOTHERS KEEP THEM CLOSE TO U FOR U WILL REGRET NOT HAVING THEM CLOSE TO U AND THEN THEY PASS ON.. MY MOTHER WAS A GOOD HEARTED PERSON WHO LOVED ALL... SHE FOUGHT HER STRUGGLES WITH DIABETIES AND PAIN THROUGH OUT HER BODY... EVERYDAY I WATCHED HER FADE AND BECOME WEAK.. SHE FOUGHT HER FIGHT AND HER BATTLE IS NOW OVER... GOD TOOK MY MOTHER FROM ME ON 12-5-08 AND IT WAS UN EXPECTED ... IT WAS TO FAST... GOD MADE A PLAIN BEFORE MY MOTHER GREW HER WINGS ... HE LET HER STAY WITH ME FOR A MONTH BEFORE SHE PASSED AWAY... SO I COULD HAVE THAT TIME WITH HER BEFORE SHE WENT TOURDS THE LIGHT... MY MOTHER WAS FIGHTING FOR YEARS WITH THE PAIN SHE WAS GOING THROUGH..ALL SHE SAID WAS SHE WAS TIRED OF IT ALL.. WELL NOW SHE ISNT IN PAIN NOMORE PAIN AND HAS A NEW BODY..A NEW LIFE WITH GOD.. THE BEST PLACE A PERSON COULD HAVE.. BUT WHILE SHE WAS STAYING WITH ME SHE WAS OK AND THEN IN A FLASH OF A MIN SHE HAD PAINS ON HER SIDE THAT WENT TO HER BACK... I KEPT TALKING TO HER TO WANT TO TAKE HER TO THE HOSPITAL AND SHE DIDNT WANT TO GO...THEN SHE STARTED TO SHAKE TO THE POINT SHE COULDNT STAND UP..I WALKED HER TO THE BATHROOM AND SHE CALLED FOR ME.. I HAD TO HELP HER DRESS CAUSE SHE COULDNT DO IT HERSELF... I CONVINCE HER TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL .. WE WALKED HER DOWN THE STAIRS TO MY CAR... AND TOOK HER.. WHEN WE GOT THERE I WENT TO GET A WHEEL CHAIR TO ROLL HER INTO THE ER.. WE GOT HER REGISTERED AND SAT IN THE WAITING ROOM.. MY MOTHER WASNT THE ONE WHO WOULD TALK OFF THE WALL BUT THAT DAY SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT THINGS THAT I DIDNT KNOW WHAT SHE MENT BY THEM.. BUT WE ENDED UP BEING CALLED BACK... TOOK HER TO HER ROOM AND I TOOK OFF HER SHIRT TO PUT THE GOWN ON SO THEY COULD RUN TEST THAT THEY NEEDED TO.. I TOLD THE DR ABOUT HER TALKING OFF THE WALL THINGS AND I TOLD HIM WHAT SHES BEEN SAYIN AND HE SAID I SHOULD OF BEEN REALLY CONCERNED ABOUT IT CAUSE ITS NOT NORMAL...AS SHES LAYING THERE THE DR ASKED HER WHAT DAY WAS IT AND SHE TOLD HIM IT WAS THURSDAY BUT IT WASNT IT WAS TUESDAY.. HE ASKED HER HER SS # SHE GOT IT ALL MESSED UP.. I WAS STARTING TO FEEL SOME KIND OF WAY THEN...SO THEY DID THE TEST THEY NEEDED TO (BLOOD,X-RAYS) AND HE CAME IN AND SAID SHE WAS BEING ADMITED .. SHE HAD A TEMP OF 104 AND HER MIND WASNT THERE.. THE X-RAYS SHOWED SLIGHT CASE OF NAMONIA.. SO WE WAITED AND THEY CAME TO TAKE HER TO THE OTHER HOPSITAL TO BE ADMITED IN PCU...PROGRESSIVE CARE UNIT.. SHE WAS HOOKED TO A HEART MACHINE AND IV AND OXYGEN.. BUT SHE WAS STILL TALKING TO US..AND STILL CRACKING JOKES... WE DIDNT THINK IT WAS GONNA BE THE LAST... WE HAD TO TAKE MY KIDS HOME AND I KISSED HER FORHEAD AND SAID I LOVE U TO HER AND SHE SAID I LOVE U TO.. THE NEXT MORN SHE CALLED ME ASKING ME WHAT WAS I DOING.. I TOLD HER NOTHING I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT U .. I TOLD HER I WAS WORRIED ABOUT HER CAUSE SHE WASNT ACTING RIGHT.. SHE DIDNT REMEMBER WHAT HAD HAPPENED THE DAY B 4.. BUT WE STAYD THERE FOR A LIL WHILE AND HAD TO LEAVE... SHE HAD A BAD COUCH THAT ENDED UP BRUSING HER RIBS.. SHE WOULD COUGH TO THE POINT HER LIPS WOULD TURN PURPLE.. CARRED ME .. BUT SHE WAS OK WHEN WE LEFT THEN CALLED ME THAT NIGHT.. AS ALWAYS TALKING TO ME... SOME OF THE THINGS SHE WAS SAYING I DIDNT UNDERSTAND CAUSE I COULD HEAR HER BREATHING REALLY BAD.. SHE WAS WEASING BADLY.. SHE SAID SHE WAS GONNA GO TO BED THAT SHE WOULD TALK TO ME TOMARROW WITCH WAS 12-4-08..... THE NEXT DAY I TRIED TO CALL HER AND SHE WOULDNT ANSWER HER ROOM.. I CALLED SO MANY TIMES BUT SHE DIDNT HEAR THE PHONE RINGING.. SO I CALLED THE NURSES STATION...AND ASKED THEM ABOUT HER IF SHE WAS OK THEY SAID SHES FINE SHE HAD A RUFF NIGHT AND SHES SLEEPING. BEFORE THE NURSE HUNG UP THE PHONE SHE SAID UR MOTHER IS A VERY SICK WOMEN.. AND I SAID I KNOW AND SHE HUNG UP THE PHONE.. THEN SHE CALLED ME A FEW HRS LATER AND TALKED TO ME .. I TOLD HER SHE HAD ME SCARED CAUSE SHE DIDNT ANSWER THE PHONE.. SHE SAID SHE WAS UP ALL NIGHT.. IN THE TIME OF EVERYTHING SHE HAD 3 PANIC ATTACKS DUE TO HER EX THREATENING HER ON THE PHONE.. WITCH CAUSED HER BREATHING TO EXPAND FOR THEM TO HAVE TO USE MORE OXYGEN... SHE ASKED ME FOR US TO BRING UP SOMETHINGS SHE NEEDED.. BUT THAT DAY I DIDNT GO SEE HER.... OR TALK TO HER AGAIN.. IT WAS MY NIECES BIRTHDAY THAT DAY WHICH MY MOTHER RAISED SINCE SHE WAS BORN.. MY BOYFRIEND AND MY NIECE WAS THE LAST PEOPLE TO SEE HER ALIVE.. LATE THAT NIGHT I JUST LAYED MY HEAD ON MY PILLOW TO GO TO BED.. AND MY CELL RANG .. I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT PHONE CALL TILL THE DAY I SEE HER AGAIN..THE NURSE ON THE OTHER LINE SAID THAT THEY FOUND MY MOTHER NOT BREATHING WITH HER OXYGEN OFF HER FACE... AND THEY WERE DOING CPR ON HER TO BRING HER BACK.. AND SAID THEY PUT A BREATHING MACHINE ON HER TO HELP HER BREATH SO IN CASE HER HEART STARTED PUMPING AGAIN SHE WOULD BE BRAIN DEAD FROM LACK OF OXYGEN... AND ASKED IF WE WANTED TO COME OVER AND THEN AT THAT MOMENT I FELT A CHILL GO DOWN MY SPINE ... I TOLD HER I WAS ON MY WAY.. I DIDNT CRY CAUSE MY BODY WAS IN SHOCK IT WAS UNTILL WE GOT THERE MY TEARS FLEW... AS WE GOT THERE HER CURTIN TO HER ROOM WAS STILL OPEN AND THE WHOLE TEAM OF NURSE WERE IN THERE AND WHAT I SAW I NEVER WANT TO SEE AGAIN... AS WE WALKED TO HER ROOM A NURSE WAS ON TOP OF HER PUMPING HER CHEST TO GET HER HEART TO BEAT AGAIN..MY NIECE SCREAMING FOR HER NUNU AND THE REST OF US WANTED TO DROP TO OUR KNEES.. MY MOTHER NEVER BREATHED AGAIN.. THEY TOLD US TO GO INTO THE WAITING ROOM TILL THEY WERE DONE AND SOMEONE WOULD COME TALK TO US.. THE MOMENT THE NURSE TURNED THAT CORNER I NEW IT WASNT GOOD NEWS.. SHE LOOKED AT ME AND SAID (IM SORRY )SHE WAS GONE ...WE HAD TO CALL THE FAMILY OVER TO THE HOSPITAL TO SEE HER BEFORE THEY TOOK HER TO THE FUNERAL HOME.. .I WALKED IN HER ROOM AND JUST GRABBED A HOLD OF HER HAND AND SAID Y DID U LEAVE ME IT WAS TO SOON FOR U TO GO.. I NEW MY MOM WAS TIRED AND TIRED OF HURTING.. BUT I THOUGHT I WOULD OF HAD MORE TIME WITH HER THEN I DID.. MY BABY GIRL KISSED HER NUNU ON HER FORHEAD AND BROKE DOWN AND CRIED........ AS WELL AS WE ALL.. MY MOTHER WAS MY BEST FRIEND WHOM I WILL NEVER FORGET NOR FORGET ALL THE THINGS SHE HAS DONE FOR ME.. THAT DAY WAS THE WORSE DAY OF MY LIFE.... I HAD ALOT OF SUPPORT FROM FRIENDS AND FAMILY.... THE HARDEST THING IS TO WATCH SOMEONE FADE IN FRONT OF UR FACE AND GET A SMACK IN THE FACE WHEN THE TIME COMES FOR SOMEONE U LOVE TO GO MEET IN THE HANDS OF GOD.. I LOOK AT HER PICS AND JUST WONDER WHAT SHE WAS THE LAST THINGS SHE WAS THINKING BEFORE SHE PASSED AWAY.. WHEN WE WALKED IN SHE LOOKED LIKE SHE WAS SLEEPING SO SOUNDLY... SHE HAD RINGS ON HER FINGERS AND I HAD TO REMOVE THEM CAUSE SHE DIDNT WANT TO BE CREAMATED WITH THEM.. IT WAS SO HARD TO DO .. ONE OF THE NURSES THERE HAD TO HELP ME CAUSE SHE WAS SO SWELLED UP HER RINGSWOULDNT COME OFF. SO WE HAD TO USE SOAP TO PULL THEM OFF.. THEN I TOOK HER NECKLESSES OFF HER NECK AND PUT THEM AROUND MINE... MY MOTHER WILL ALWAYS BE WITH ME IN SPIRIT.. ITS SUCH A HARD THING TO GO THROUGH.. I WOULD WANT THIS TO HAPPEN TO ANYONE ELSE CAUSE U WILL NEVER FORGET WHAT HAD HAPPENED... I GOT THAT MONTH TO SPEND TIME WITH MY MOTHER.. AND I WOULDNT OF ASKED FOR ANYTHING BETTER THEN THAT..WITHOUT TELLING MY MOTHER I LOVED HER B 4 SHE PASSED ON WOULD BOTHER ME TILL I DIE.. I WOULD OF BEEN MORE AT EASE WITH MYSELF IF I HAD OF SEEN HER AND SAID I LOVED HER... I KNOW SHE KNOWS I LOVE HER BUT IT ISNT THE SAME AS THEM HEARING U TELL THEM...MY BROTHER GOT TO TALK TO HER THAT NIGHT .. SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT THE PAST AND TOLD HIM MATT NEEDS TO TAKE CARE OF THE VAN CAUSE THATS ALL HE HAS AND SHE TOLD HIM SHE WAS TIRED... AND BEFORE SHE HUNG UP THE PHONE SHE SAID ( SHAWN I LOVE ) AND A FEW HRS AFTER SHE GREW HER WINGS AND WENT WITH GOD.. SHE WILL BE MISSED AND LOVED BY ALL FROM NOW TILL ETERNITY... I LOVE AND MISS U MOM I WILL SEE U AGAIN SOME DAY... WATCH OVER US AS WE LIVE OUR LIVES WITHOUT U TO SHARE IT WITH US.. U WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN.. SHE IS NOW LAYED TO REST IN LOVING MEMORIES OF MY DEAR MOTHER

IM SCARED OF LOOSING YOU AGAIN, IM FEELING THAT MY LIFE IS COMMING TO AN END. FEELING THAT YOU NO LONGER WANT ME AROUND YOU ANYMORE, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MORE THEN BEFORE. IM SCARED OF YOU SAYING GOODBYE, YOUR FULL OF LOVE AND SUCH A GREAT GUY. I CANT HELP TO NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU, THATS WHY IT HURTS ME AND MAKES ME FEEL SO BLUE. IM SCARED OF YOU LOOSING WHAT WE HAVE TOGETHER, BUT IN MY HEART I THOUGHT YOU WOULD LOVE ME FOREVER. PLEASE DONT STOP LOVING ME IT WOULD BREAK MY HEART, I WOULD NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO IF WE FELL APART. IM SCARED OF LOOSING YOUR HEART AGAIN LIKE I DID BEFORE, I WANTED US TOGETHER FOREVER MORE......

MY TEARS FALL DOWN MY CHEEKS, WERE ARE YOU WHEN I WEEP? ARE YOU THERE WHEN I CRY? NO YOUR NOT, ALL YOU DO IS SYE. WHO'S THERE TO WIPE THOSE TEARS! ITS NOT YOU, WHEN I HAVE THOSE FEARS. PLEASE WIPE THESE TEARS FROM MY EYES, I WISH IT WAS YOU AND NOT ANY OTHER GUY. WIPING MY EYES AS THE TEARS FALL, I DON'T THINK YOU LOVE ME AT ALL.

MY EYES SWELLED FROM CRYING TEARS OF SADNESS, FEELING SAD AND NOT GLADNESS. FEELING THAT NOONE LOVES ME, NOONE SHOWS THEY CARE IF THEY DO I CAN'T SEE. IM FEELING ALONE IN MY LIFE ANYMORE, WHY DO I FEEL SO SAD ,I WAS HAPPY BEFORE. I JUST WANT TO LAY DOWN AND DIE, I CAN'T EVEN GIVE A REASON WHY. I WANT LOVED AND I DONT FEEL IT IN MY HEART, I FEEL WE GREW SO FAR APART. WHAT IS IT THAT MAKES ME FEEL LONELY AND SCARED, I THOUGHT I HAD PEOPLE WHO DID CARE. IF I WAS NOT HERE ,HOW WOULD THIS LIFE BE, I KNOW HOW IT WOULD, IT WOULD BE JUST ME..

NOW THAT YOUR IN HEAVEN WILL YOU WAIT THERE FOR ME, WAIT THERE FOR US IN HEAVEN WHERE WE ARE GOING TO BE. TO BE IN GODS HANDS AND BE FREE OF SIN , TILL WE MEET IN HEAVEN ONCE AGAIN. GOD HAS THINGS IN STORE FOR US WHEN ITS TIME FOR US TO GO, THERE ARE ALOT OF PEOPLE WHO DONT BELIEVE AND THINGS THEY DON'T KNOW. WHEN WE DIE AND GO TOURDS THE LIGHT, WE DID THINGS HERE ON EARTH AND GOD SEE'S US FIGHT. FIGHTING FOR OUR LIVES AND FIGHTING FOR OUR DREAMS, BEING IN HEAVEN IS NOT TUFF AT ALL, ITS AS BEAUTIFUL AS IT SEEMS. SO PUT YOUR HEARTS IN GODS HANDS, AND PUT YOUR LOVE AND HEARTS TO THE ONE AND ONLY MAN. WHEN WE DIE AND BE FREE OF SIN, REMEMBER YOUR LOVED ONES THAT YOU WILL MEET AGAIN.