synfu1snt's blog: "into my mind goes thee"

For those who arent yet aware, I was involved in a serious accident sunday night/ monday morning. I hydroplaned, my truck tipped onto its side, and when i was getting out of my truck, it was hit by a drunk driver, and i was tossed from my truck. Needless to say, I am very lucky to have survived, although my truck is a total loss. i have been working very hard to walk without a cane, and i have accomplished this feat to the extent that i am confident enough to walk around my mothers house without it. Im still limping, but ill take that over not walking at all. my shoulder and collar are still a major source of pain for me, and the roadrash hurts like hell! And once again for those who arent gettin the story straight. i was hit by a DRUNK driver, not a TRUCK driver! I hope to see everyone soon, and i miss everyone out at work, although im not looking forward to answering a million questions over and over again! I guess it shows that people care, or that they just luv some juicy gossip! everyone take care, and be thankful for the family and friends you have, because you never know when they might be torn from you. Ill see everyone later! melissa

it starts out great honest and straight forward is the way you talk so here i think this guy is for real he walks the walk days go by so do the weeks i think things are fine i see little signs but i overlook them thinkin hes all mine things progress i think we're closer believing we'll have more you dirty bastard i caught you it all crumbles to the floor i dont care what you say your words dont matter you broke my trust you thought you were smooth and could have two your actions were unjust so i think stupid me you hid it in plain sight so fuck it she can have you you aint worth a fight so be gone disruption in my life its not worth the strain hope shes happy dealin with your shit cuz now you're outta my brain.

Alyana..... This morning I decided to watch the news for the first time in a long time..... Now i wish i wouldnt have....... A news story came on about a 20 year old woman that is being charged for 2nd degree murder and manslaughter for beating a 4 year old girl, who had died in the hospital due to head injuries. They stated the little girls name, Alyana......WTF!!!!! I cant believe its her.... her daddy had custody of her andi havent seen her for about 2 years but i always thought Aly was safe with her daddy and his girlfriend... As you may figure, I know this little girl and her family... i have known Aly's mom and dad for around 10 years, and I am so sad that things have turned out this way....I feel so terrible.... No child deserves this kind of abuse no matter how naughty they may be...I dont know all the circumstances surrounding this and I have no right to say anything about the parents or the girlfriend except this: YOU ARE ALL TO BLAME. That baby should have been the primary concern in all the drama and bullshit that was goin on. Now she is gone forever and this beautiful little girl will never grow up. She will never know what it is like to experience life, and the only reason why is because of adults and their bad tempers... I'm so sorry Alyana...you were such a sweet baby girl, and I loved taking you for rides and holding you in my arms....now i hope god is holdin you in his arms

you all know who you are.... the kind of girl that listens to the bullshit a guy will tell you when u first meet them, saying they care about you and shit like they wanna be with you. so u go meet them and then u sleep with them, thinkin you know who they really are, and that they care about you. then you find your way home thinkin you are so in love and that you have a relationship with this guy just because he slept with you. give me a break, YOU GOT PLAYED! all of a sudden he wont talk to you online anymore and wont answer your phone calls. you notice he is talkin to other girls online and you start stalkin them too and tryin to cause problems, saying stupid shit to him and causing drama, like THATS really gonna get the guy to wanna be with you. stop being so fuckin STUPID and quit taking out your mistakes on other people. deal with it and MOVE ON. P.S. by the way you stupid ass female, fuckin every guy you meet on the net is NOT the way you get a guy and keep him. BUH BYE>

my life is boring, sometimes i feel like its in shambles. by nature, i am an introverted person, ive never had a big circle of friends. i feel that nobody really knows the real me, truly and completely. i dont think they should actually. i am a friendly person, but like to keep my distance. i am indpendant but do rely on those i call loved ones. i keep only one best friend, who i love with all my heart and soul. i dont care if my man sleeps with other women, but if they lie to me about it, they lose my trust. have a relationship with another woman, byebye. i have a strong work ethic, but at the same time i hate goin to work. i do hurt the ones i love. but i dont love many, and i try not to hurt them. i keep secrets, even when i know i shouldnt. i hate to lie, but find at times it is unavoidable. im not a ho, a slut or promiscuous, but damn do i love sex. i collect things that i find interesting, but men never seems to be one of them....although one of my main interests in life is men. men on the interenet say im hot, sexy and pretty....in real life men never talk to me. I crave human contact, but usually choose to be my own company. i hate the feel of condoms, but am scared shitless of the repercussions of unprotected sex. I love to get inkd and pierced, but at times i get embarrased when people ask about the work i have done. i love colors, although i have no favorite, and my walls stay white.... I cant figure it out. can someone help my make up my mind???????

think of me on a hot summer night when sweat glistens on your skin and every movement you make is slow cat-like i will come to you in your dreams your white-hot angel with golden hair midnight trance we dance the dream dance heat rising in a cresendo of passion every pore screaming for consumation melting blazing in a hot bed of desire when you lie in your bed alone restless think of me dream the hot white dream i will be there

walking blindly through life still young but trying to deal with the problems of the old searching for resolution searching for light it feels so dark and cold everything i do im trying to get ahead but trying to achieve with eyes closed shows no progress like watering a plant thats dead struggling with everyday issues hoping for the future dealing with the present and past wondering with eyes closed frequently falling off the path just how long will this darkness last?

i am not resigned to the shutting away of loving souls in the hard ground. so it is and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind: into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. crowned with lilies and with laurel they go; but i am not resigned. lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you. be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust. a fragment of what you felt, of what you knew, a formula, a phrase remains,- but the best is lost. the answers quick and keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love,-they are gone. they are gone to feed the roses. elegant and curled is the blossom. fragant is the blossom. i know. but i do not approve. more precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world. down, down, down into the darkness of the grave gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind; quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave. I know. but i do not approve. and i am not resigned.

Storm clouds passing by high above theor torment and anger i want no part of i dont care for the lightning nor the thunder nor do i wish for the storm to go under instead i sit swinging in my yard swing wanting and wishing for the rain the storm will bring when the sweet rain falls my tears can be free released in front of the world but no one can see such an irony that flows from my eyes releasing all their truths but the rain covers them with their lies tears on my pillow isnt the same for me they fall only to be captured thats not how i want it to be so for now i sit waiting for the rain so my heart can cleanse itself of its heartache and pain once again ill feel better when the rain falls to greet my heart and when the rain passes my refreshed eyes see a new start next time the storm comes whether quiet or loud ill be out on my swing waiting to catch the teardrops alling from the clouds.

i came home from work this morning and signed into my fave place, CT, to check out what my CT fam was doin and i had a mean ass comment on my page from a guy that doesnt know me but out of respect to his privacy( yes i still will show this asshole some respect) i wont name this individual. Anyways, this jerk off had the nerve to comment on my physical appearance, otherwise, he was making fun of me bc i am a bbw. EXCUSE me, who asked his opinion?!?! as a matter of fact, he even made the comment that ink on SAGGY skin is disgusting. FOR YOUR INFORMATION, my tits do NOT sag. Who is he to judge what i look like? he wasnt cute imself. and i think i look damn good myself, considering i used to tip the scales at 330 lbs, and i have the before pic to prove it. So to all you fuckers out there that wanna make fun of bbws, kiss my smooth white ASS. BIG GIRLS DO IT HARDER!!!!