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When I mention the word marriage, what is the first word that comes to your mind? Could it be love? Companionship? Fidelity? All of these virtues are ones that any man and woman who decides to embark on the sacred bond of marriage should embrace. Oh I almost forgot honesty lads and lasses. How silly of me. You can't bake a fucked up cake, without all the necessary ingredients now can you? Maybe that's why my wedding cake tasted more like lies and deceit. With just the right amount of bullshit. Mmm Mmm good. Want a piece? I hope this entry makes your fucking toes curl when someone utters the word marriage. I hope it makes you shit and piss yourselves so bad, that you run like hell for that safe little place that we all have come to love. The happy little place called single life.
I guess I was under the dillusion that marriage was this beautiful place. White picket fences and birds chirping. Breakfast in bed naked and all the splendors that come with that. It is nothing more than a big pile of shit that I could have avoided, but still found a way to step in it. Now I'm pissed because I got some on my Nikes. I've got a couple of secrets for you lads and lasses. some words of wisdom from old Uncle Irish, and you better listen if you know what's good for you.
Secret number one is the wedding ring. I know what all of you reading this are thinking, but just listen to me for a moment. What in the fuck is the wedding ring? I'm going to tell you exactly what the fuck it is. The wedding ring is nothing more than a shiny doo dad to make her friends ooh and aah. Not only that, the diamond's facets are strategically placed on the ring and designed to blind you from the horrors in store for you. Don't close your eyes, and definately don't try to wear sunglasses. It's powers are stronger than you and I and the rays permeate the brain like a good drug and totally enhance the hoping and believing senses. Hope and pray the effects are temporary, because few are able to be rendered to a solid and conscious state of mind. I know some of you are going to argue with me on this and tell me some bullshit like "the wedding ring is a symbol of you love and sacred union to one another". If the rings I gave my wife (and got back) weren't family heirlooms, I would have pawned them for a couple cases of beer, a bag of green, and two Asian strippers that couldn't speak a word of English.
Secret number two is the marriage license. This eight by ten piece of paper fits perfectly in a frame and I'm sure my wife still has it on display somewhere in the house to scare the children. This "license" legally binds man and woman (or man/man woman/woman) in union. Let me tell you exactly what it is lads and lasses. All bullshit aside. It's a fucking piece of paper. You and I both wipe our asses with pieces of paper. If I am ever able to obtain this paper from my so called "wife", that's exactly what I am going to do with it before I give it back to her. Save your money and the headache.
In closing I would like to say love does strange things to people. The strangest thing it has ever did to me is make me say yes. Learn from your Uncle Irish's mistakes and you all will be fine. Peace and love for those who can find it, and i envy those who already possess it. *peace* Irish
