WOMAN'S PERFECT
BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the
table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the
cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on
the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on
the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is
on the back of the milk carton.
Keep reading-they
get better!!!
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WOMEN'S
REVENGE
'Cash,
check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As
she fumbled for her wallet,
I
noticed a remote control for a television set in her
purse.
'So,
do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,'
she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and
I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him
legally.'
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UNDERSTANDING
WOMEN
(A
MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I
know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll
never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your
upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid
of a spider.
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MARRIAGE
SEMINAR
While
attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom
and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
'It
is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and
dislikes.'
He
addressed the man,
'Can
you name your wife's favorite flower?'
Tom
leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury,
isn't it?
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CIGARETTES AND
TAMPONS
A man walks into
a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl
notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that
he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him
down the correct aisle.
A few minutes
later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
balls and a ball
of string on the counter.
She says,
confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your
wife?
He answers, 'You
see, it's like this,
yesterday,
I sent my wife to the store
to
get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some
rolling
papers; cause
it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I
have to roll my own .......... so does she.
(I figure this
guy is the one on the milk carton!)
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WIFE
VS. HUSBAND
A
couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An
earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither
of them wanted to concede their position.
As
they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the
husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,'
the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
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WORDS
A husband read an
article to his wife about how many words women use a
day...
30,000 to a man's
15,000.
The wife replied, 'The
reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned
to his wife and asked, 'What?'
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CREATION
A man said to his
wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so
beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife
responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me
beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me
stupid so I would be attracted to you!
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WHO DOES
WHAT
A man and his wife
were having an argument about who
should brew the
coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You
should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't
have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said,
'You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it,
because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife
replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man
should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I
can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the
Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several
pages, that it indeed says . 'HEBREWS'
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The Silent
Treatment
A man and his wife
were having some problems at home
and were giving each
other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man
realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake
him
at 5:0 0 AM for an
early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be
the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at
5:00 AM.'
He left it where he
knew she would find it.
The next morning,
the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed
his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened
him,
when he noticed a
piece of paper by the bed.
The
paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped
for these kinds of contests.