A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon
A bottle. She picked it up and rubbed it, and
Lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if
She got three wishes. The Genie said, "Nope, sorry
Three-wish genies are a story-tale myth. I'm a one-wish
Genie. So...what'll it be?"
The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the
Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop
Fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love
Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about
World peace and harmony."
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be
Reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands
Of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for
Five hundred years. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't
Think it can be done. Make another wish and please be
Reasonable."
The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never
Been able to find the right man. You know, one that's
Considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the
House cleaning, is great in bed and gets along with my
Family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is
Faithful. That's what I wish for .. A good man."
The Genie let out a long sigh, shook his head and said,
"Let me see that map again."
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Dear Kotex:
I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my pant liner had a bunch of "Kotex Tips for Life" on it.
Annoying advice such as: Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh.
Try Kotex blah blah blah other products...
Obviously the individual (male) behind this was someone who has never possessed a functioning set of ovaries.
Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman that drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh.
Like we need more fluid inside our bloated bodies from hell...but go ahead...I triple-dog-friggen-dare-ya...
See what happens and report back....................... I'll wait.
While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the chocolate from the vending machine.
I garan-friggen-tee that the first responders will be females who just ovulated.
Staying active will relieve headaches & cramps...well guess what, the only activities that interests me
is eating, sleeping, bitching or crying for no apparent reason.. and oh...does ripping someone's head off count
as a friggen' activity?????
Look, females don't need or want tips for living on their god damn feminine hygiene products.
Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap like that from elderly relatives.
Veteran females have already concocted their own recipes for survival, many containing alcohol and
barbiturates.
Printing out crappy advice while sneaking in ads for the brand that was already purchased is just
plain annoying, not to mention rude, and is enough to send a girl running to the Always brand.
It's far from a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or bunnies or
flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging. Put the crap in a plain brown wrapper
so we can throw it in our carts discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and beer.
There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package announcing your uterine state to
everyone in the store.
Why don't ya just add an in-store microphone to the damn package and announce that..."helloooo,
another female in the store is on the rag so get the hell outta her way or else!!!"
So to get to my point... take your tips for living and your cute bunnies and the smiley faces and
shove them right up your A**!!!!
PS- How about adding a free sample of Pamprin & maybe a shot of Bourbon to your packages instead!!!
Thank You.
