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Back 2 square 1,, can't fukking believe it, after being single 8yrs (mostly on purpose, 2 work out a few past crappy-devastating relationships, yes plural).
So sad / bummed -- BIG understament. Hard 2 sleep w/out the 1 i felt so safe & content with, since Sept 2012. I thot i was done w/heart-breaks, this was the best i was ever doing in a relationship. Idk how well i'll be @ starting over. Maybe i'll get in touch w/my old ex's, the 1's who are still AWsum friends? I don't fkn know. Will be a longgg while b4 i'm over my last panic-attack episode, triggered by my close Aunt & Uncle physically FORCING ME out of their home, a planned visit that THEY invited me to -- WTF??!! -- I was scared, violated & betrayed by TRUSTED & very dear relatives. So that's the state i was in when i finally got 2 see my GF. And unfortunately, it didn't get much better. At all.
New book chapter: ""What-an-IDIOT-i-was. Screwing-w/my-ANTI-ANXIETY-meds"" .... i'm kickin' myself --WHY couldn't i say to my GF what i meant, which was basically "If u can't share yur daily life w/me rite now, Can we just take a step back a breath a bit?".. Insteada Panic-Stricken me saying "i am breaking up w/u" -- Ugh!! Such HORRIBLE timing too, i did NOT know her close relative had DIED that VERY day?!? Once AGAIN,, she did NOT (or Could Not?) share w/me the important events in her life... ok, since how long b4 March? Was it late DECEMBER, yes? I mean who knows, i could have been SUPPORTIVE,, she coulda tried me? What The Hell, isn't that what ppl do when they're dating? So frustrated... w/ BOTH of us.
Thanx 4 yur Silence,, it spoke volumes...
Well, this really sux. And that's a HUGE understatement. Apparently the 1 i thot i was "in love with" doesn't want an In-Person-in-the-flesh relationship w/me??... She coulda just said so, i'd rather hear THAT, but all i got was a lot of no-response-silences. No answers to important questions, no comments, nothing. For the past month or so, i've tried my ASS off to be WITH her, possibly within driving distance. I seriously considered spending the summer w/her in the loser-town she's in,, but she wouldn't even DISCUSS our possible options. I have felt very JERKED AROUND about our (mutually?) hopeful future 2gether since idk, January? So, i felt it was best if we broke up. She really broke my heart, for months b4 i finally let go. No LONG DISTANCE dating 4 me ANYmore. Seriously EVER. I was ALL IN,, but to my great surprise, she wasn't. Back to square one. Gonna stay single a long damn while. It'll take a lotta Me-Time to get over this 1.
**** PLEASE NOTE before reading this blog: My caps do notttt mean i'm yelling, i DO NOT have time (nor FOCUS ability) to use underline or italics here on FuBar. I'm expressive is all. If u know me, u GET that. :)
As a TDS staff member, inspired by the recent FRICTION and MISUNDERSTANDINGS and DISRESPECT in the lounge that i've seen in the past 2 months -- Please read the following as OBJECTIVELY as possible. I have seen AND heard lounge members (and in sum cases even staff members) VERY much disreguarding our "RESPECT OTHERS" RULE. My direct experience with such would have NOT escalated, had i and all others involved been ASKED in PRIVATE about the verbal/typed friction happening INNN in the lounge. I've been in this lounge for about 2yrs now (or more?) -- we've NEVER had this much friction. TDS will NOT be a drama lounge. As a member AND as staff... I GIVE A DAMN and do my best to take APPROPRIATE ACTION to snuff out ANY disrespect toward ANYONE in OUR lounge. TDS is a place to relax & have FUN, dammit!! lol. So DON'T POKE THE DAMN BEAR. This is an adult environment. BE an adult, it's NOT that hard. AND PLEEEZ, when neccessary to speak/type yur views, opinions, beliefs, etc -- Just keep in mind: LESS IS MORE. If it's NEGATIVE, keep yur trap shut OR take it to a private chat box. It's quite seriously THAT SIMPLE. Can we all do that, plz? Don't make the Managers/Owner kick u out. I'd hate that. And i'd prolly miss u. It's a kick-ass cool lounge. Let's keep it that way.
THANK uuuu 4 reading! :)
