JFLIZZLE's blog: "JFLIZZLE"

I haven't been on here in more than a week. LOL. That's fine, 'cause I got a J-O-B. FINALLY. Working 7 days, midnights, shiiit. But as of tonight it'll be worth it cuz I get my first check. LOL. I'm probably switching to afternoons pretty soon so I don't know how often I'll be back on, but hopefully soon! Anyway I was just on to check my friend req's and messages, repost some bulletins, etc... life gets crazy sometimes! All I know is right now I need to get my ass in the basement and do some laundry, feed a little fat man and get him to bed, then take a shower and wait for my mom to get here to pick him up so I can get back to work. 3rd shift + 2 kids = no sleep... lmao. I got to sleep today for the first time since Monday. It was nice, haha.

What the fuck did I do wrong in my previous lives where I wound up stuck with a fucking PIECE OF SHIT as my son's father? WTF. First he lets his fucking cunt girlfriend ruin my son's 1st birthday party, and then he winds up DEFENDING her over it, telling me how "sorry" she was for doing it. Good, let her be sorry... let her cry all fucking day over making a little one year old boy cry and wonder why his daddy only comes to see him for 15 minutes at a time. Fuck them both. He wonders why I don't want to let my son go to his house and be around that fucking psycho. Are you kidding me? No fucking way, not after ruining his birthday. Oh but she won't let him come to my house and visit his son without calling up and starting a bunch of shit 15 minutes after he gets here. This is the 2nd time in a row this bitch has done something like this. I don't know. Then he wants to accuse me of "not letting him see him". FUCK. OFF. So when I turn around and ask him when he can take him it turns into "Oh I don't know" and "Oh I'm on 12 hours for the rest of the week". BULL. SHIT.

I don't know what to do with myself anymore. My love life is so fucking ridiculous. For the life of me I can't figure out why I continue to let myself hold onto something that I can't even say whether or not is still there. The obvious thing for me to do would just be to move on, but that's not as easy as everyone thinks. It's easy for people on the outside of things, but it's not that simple. I wish it was. I know I have options. I know that I could just go out and get someone else but I know that right now my heart would not be completely into it. I'm past the point in my life where I just want something for the sake of having it. I just have no want or will to persue anyone or anything right now, no matter how effective that may be in taking my mind of things. I just know it's not the right thing to do. The possibility of having what was lost is too tempting. I just wish I could be stronger. WTF.

I joined an auction, bid bid bid! I've never done one of these before so... LMAO.