Joey's blog: "Joey Carlton"

The Disease Joey Carlton This is a story about a little boy. I will not tell you his name, but I will say that I know him very well...better than anyone else knows him. On the day that this story takes place, he was at a nursing home, I believe...or it may have been a funeral home, I'm not sure which, and I can't recall the name of the nursing home or funeral home, but neither can the little boy, who was, on the day that this story takes place, seven years old. The reason he was where ever he was was to say goodbye to his grandmother, who was still alive, but dying, none the less. She was about fifty-four years old, but she looked about ninety-four. He had never liked visiting his grandmother, because she scared him. His grandmother couldn't talk; she could only moan. And she was always twitching about madly, all over the place, saying, "Aaaghuuughaaaaagheeehaghugh." His grandfather told him that she hadn't always been like this, and that she had a disease that made her act like this. And the little boy was; quite frankly, glad that this would be the last time that he saw her, though he was also sad to be losing his grandmother. At the time, this little boy had no idea what was really happening and what would soon happen. He became interested in the caged bird, pretending that it was a monstrous winged beast, trying its hardest to get out. But let's skip a few years. Let's fast-forward and go to when this boy was fifteen. He was more mature, developed, and head strong, now, and he knew far more about what his grandmother had died of, because now, his father had it, too, and he was dying--he was to die before he graduated from high school. And this teenager began to discover the history of his father's side of his family, and how everything had happened. After going through old newspaper articles and photo albums and interviewing his grandfather, this kid began to discover a very interesting story about his family and the mystery they had tried to, and eventually began to understand... The Story of Mr. Foster Mr. Foster was a respectable man with a job that was considered a good one in the year of 1953. He was about forty-two years old. His daughter, Wanslee, had just married a strapping young man named George Hornbuckle, making his daughter Wanslee Foster Hornbuckle. She was already pregnant with her first child, who was soon come. Mr. Foster did not know his father; just his good ole mother. His father actually had never known that he had a son. But little did Mr. Foster know, his father was dead. Thus far, life had treated him well. But odd things were beginning to happen to him. At first, it was just a twitch here and a twitch there. Then he began to have erratic emotional patterns. Over the months, he began to become forgetful, and his logical reasoning dropped. Then the twitching got much worse. Mr. Foster had always been a caring and generous man with a good head on his shoulders. But by the time he was forty-six, he was hard to walk next to and his judgement had gotten far worse. Then one day, at about the age of forty-eight, he got up one morning and decided not to go to work. The year was 1961. By now, Mr. Foster had a nine-year-old grandson, a seven-year-old grand son, and a twelve-year-old grand daughter...the children of his daughter, Wanslee, and his son in law, George. And by now, they were all very aware that there was something seriously wrong with Mr. Foster, because he liked to stay in bed and turn the radio up as loud as it would go, so that you could here it at the other end of the street. He had the most erratic behavior of anyone they knew. He fell down often when walking and appeared incapable of keeping still, because even when he was sleeping, he was always moving his hands, arms, legs, face, and everything else. Mrs. Foster couldn't sleep in the same bed as him. And nobody knew why. Why was Mr. Foster becoming more and more weird in his actions? Why was he so illogical? What was happening to him? What was causing it? And one day, for unknown reasons, Mr. Foster beat up Mrs. Foster. Fortunately, Mr. Foster was so badly coordinated that Mrs. Foster managed to escape. She called the police and Mr. Foster was arrested. Then he was taken to the hospital, to see if anyone could explain his strange erratic movements, emotional patterns, and illogical thinking. After that, he was sent to Milledgeville, Georgia, to the insane asylum. All they could tell Mrs. Foster, Wanslee, and George was that his brain was deteriorating away, which was what caused all of the strange erratic behaviors. But it still left many unsolved questions, such as: why was his brain deteriorating away? What was the cause of this? These were questions that, at the time, could not be answered. And three years later, poor Mr. Foster died in the Insane Asylum. A Story About Woody Guthrie Through out the thirties and forties, Woody Guthrie was considered to be the greatest folk singer in America. With songs like: "Do Re Mi" "Take you a ride in the Car" "This Land was made for you and me" and "Hobo's Lullaby" he became the first big musical inspiration to hit the radio. Everyone in America knew who Woody Guthrie was. But around the year 1950, Woody Guthrie began to have more and more trouble playing his guitar and his lyrics were beginning to lose their majestic tone. He seemed incapable of writing the great lyrics that he used to produce. Eventually, he began to go in and out of every hospital, trying to find out what was wrong with him. At first it was thought that he was an alcoholic. But they were wrong. His conditions got far worse. And they continued to get worse and worse, until the legendary folk singer died in 1967, at the age of fifty-three. But soon, Scientists and doctors began to discover what it really was. They began to notice similar patterns in hundreds of people. All of them had been fine until they reached forty when suddenly; they began to lose their minds, dying about twelve to fifteen years later. And they found out why. The Story of Wanslee Foster Hornbuckle Many years had passed since the passing of Mr. Foster, and George Napoleon Hornbuckle and Wanslee Foster Hornbuckle were a happily married couple of three children: Janet David and Greg. Wanslee had been a very a strong, but loving mother. She had been a woman's activist, and the president of a woman's organization in Georgia. She was an incredible person with a warm heart and a beautiful smile. But at about the age of forty, certain things were happening that she had seen happen to someone else before...the same actions she'd seen from her father. The same erratically emotional outbursts, strange twitching movements... Surely, she thought, she couldn't have the same thing her father had. But over time, she began to get worse. She told their neighbor that she knew that she would kill herself if she had the same thing as her father, which was something the normal Wanslee would never think about doing. It was because of whatever was happening that she was saying this. And being that her logical reasoning had dropped so much, she went into denial of having what her father had and convinced her that she might have Alzheimers. Her husband, George, had tried to take her to the hospital. "I won't go!" she said angrily. "Wanslee, what's wrong with--" "There's nothing wrong with me, George," she protested, sitting in her armchair, knitting. "Wanslee, I'm worried about you," said George. Wanslee got up. "I'm not going, and that's final," she said and she left the living room, walked through the kitchen and into the back porch. Then she went into the back yard. The suddenly, she fell down and screamed. George came running outside. Wanslee had twisted her ankle. Now, they had to go to the hospital. And they did. And when they were there, the doctor said that they needed to see a neurologist right away. And they discovered the truth. They found out what it was that had caused Mr. Foster to die, caused Woody Guthrie to die, and hundreds of thousand of other to die as well. The year soon became 1998, and George had organized a family gathering to say goodbye to Wanslee, who could no longer speak. Her thinking ability did not allow her to solve simple problems like 5 plus 7. Several of her friends from over the years were there too. As well as Janet, David, and Greg. Janet's children were there and so was David's oldest child. He was looking at a bird in a cage, and appearing to find much interest in it...almost as if it were something else. His little mind knew nothing of what was happening and what would soon happen. He did not know that his dad had been diagnosed with the same disease as Wanslee. He had no idea that he himself was at a fifty- percent chance of getting it one day as well. This disease has been around for thousands of years. But people had either died before forty, or had died doing something stupid, caused by the disease. But partially in thanks to Woody Guthrie, we now know much more about it. We know much more about what killed Mr. Foster, Wanslee and hundreds of others. The Huntington's Disease is caused by an autosomal dominant gene on Chromosome 4. It is a piece of DNA that makes the Huntingtin protein. But on some people, this gene is duplicated dozens of times and somehow, it is because of this, that Mr. Foster, Woody Guthrie, Wanslee Hornbuckle, and many many others have had their brains detereorate away. Somehow, this strand of mutated DNA either creates a protein that kills brain cells, or deprives the brain cells of a protein that they need; scientists have not discovered which. It is because of this, that four thousand people die every year in the United States alone. It is because of this small piece of DNA, that 100,000 people living in the United States today have or will have decomposing brains and there is nothing that they can do to prevent it or stop it. And to make matters worse, a total for 200,000 people are at risk for inheriting it. And because so many people know that they can't get it, they do not care about it. Instead, they worry about AIDS, which has 300,000 victims in America; not very far ahead the Huntington's Disease. Ironic, isn't it? The disease that can be prevented by getting tests and using condoms overshadows the disease that's victims have no choice but to go insane and die. And until recently, it looked like my friend who was fascinated by the bird in the cage had a fifty- percent chance of going insane and dying. But now there is a very bright light shining through these dark clouds. There is lots of hope for my good friend. Stem Cell Research is said to be the only path to curing Huntington's Disease. Genetic Engineers know that if the government could only not restrict them, that they could find a cure within a couple of years. But the American government has put many restrictions on Genetic Engineering, and because of this, my friend's dad is going to unfortunately, die soon, because he is already passed the point of saving. "My father will die before I get out of High School. I will miss him very much when the time comes. As a matter of fact, I miss him right now. He is actually sitting across the room from me, but it's not really him. It's just what's left of him...just what's left of a great man who was the counselor at a camp to help out juveniles who had lots of problems in their lives...a great man that even adopted one of them, and took care of him like one of his own...a great man that earned a Ph. D in psychology and became a professor...a great man that had always been ver healthy and always willing to help others out...and a great man is what I will always remember him as."--The teenager that I know. Based On A True Story Joey Carlton

Souls on Wall Street For what ever strange reason, some people touch us in certain ways that others simply can't. Even if you have hardly done much with that person or had as many laughs and good times as you would like, you feel that you know that person better than you really do. That person, in a way, becomes a part of you. It's almost as if that person had bought several shares of you on Wall Street which gives you a great unforgettable feeling. However, if that person were to sell the shares they'd bought, you'd lose that happiness and added esteem that they unknowingly gave you. And it doesn't have to be someone of the opposite sex; just someone that has more meaning than one ought to have in your life...someone who surprised you...someone that, even if he or she does decide to sell their shares, you'll never forget. Joey Carlton

College Town Girlfriends Joey Carlton Mrs. Deloris was, in her opinion, a fine Science teacher. She taught at College Town Middle, and she was good at not letting the students trick her, tease her, or sarcastically suck up to her. Yes, those little brats wouldn't bring her down or make her feel disrespected. Not today and not ever, for that matter. She was too good for that. The bell rang, and this meant that it was time for seventh period...the last period of the day. The first student that came in was Robby Pratt. "You look great today, Mrs. Deloris," said Robby. "Thank you, precious," she answered him. Robby, in her opinion, was a good boy and a nice boy who always did his work. Sure, he got obsessive sometimes, but he was her favorite student in seventh period. More students entered and she noticed that one of them was Faulkner. Edward was perhaps the worst behaved of all students. Often times, Edward refused to do his work and always back talked her. But she stopped thinking about Edward when she saw Andy Carlton. He was the cutest of all of her students. He was so adorable "Good afternoon, Mrs. Deloris. Those are nice earrings," said Andy. "Thanks," Mrs. Deloris answered. Andy was very polite, too. But she stopped thinking about thinking about Andy, when she saw Apple Delight. This kid was, in her opinion, different. She did not like him, because he would go off into another world and miss her instructions and he could never seem to clue in on anything. His mother said that he had Aspergers Syndrome, the most common form of high functioning Autism, but Mrs. Deloris didn't believe in Mental Conditions, like Autism. She believed that Apple was choosing to act Autistic. Perhaps she should say something to him as he came in, just so she could mess with him... "Apple." "Yes?" "Are you planning to cause any trouble today?" "Why would I do that?" "Answer me," Mrs. Deloris demanded. "Uh, no." "You're not going to answer me?" "What? I dont think I understand." "I'm tired of you causing trouble, Apple. Now, go sit down." "Sorry," said Apple. That'll teach him, she thought Apple took his seat in between Andy and Faulkner. "Mrs. Deloris hates you," said Andy. "Really? Hey, I think you might be right," said Apple, "Maybe she doesn't like me." "Well, that's too bad for you," said Faulkner. "Well, what do I do?" asked Apple. "You just have to suck up," said Andy. "Okay, so what do I suck on?" "No, you don't suck on anything," said Robby. "You just tell her something nice, like: you look good today or did you get a hair cut? It doesn't even have to be true, but it works." "Okay, I'll come up with something," said Apple. So at the end of that period, the bell rang, signaling that school was over for the day. Mrs. Deloris watched everyone file out of the classroom. She noticed that Apple didn't seem as eager to go as he usually did. As a matter of act, it appeared that he wanted to have a word with her. And this was proven true when he stopped at her desk. "Uh, Mrs. Deloris." "Yes, Apple?" "Uh, you look very nice from behind, as well as the front." Mrs. Deloris's jaw dropped. "Just thought you should know; that's all, bye." And just like that, he left. The next day, Mr. Huff was telling his first period class to shut up so he could take roll and to not do anything stupid while he took roll. And as Mr. Huff was taking roll, there was a knock at the door. Mr. Huff got up out of his seat and answered the door. After a couple of seconds of mumbling, Mr. Huff called for Apple. Apple got up from his desk and walked to the door. "You better not have done anything stupid," said Mr. Huff. "I'm afraid he has," said the man outside of the classroom, who ended up being the Principle. "Well, it wasn't in my class, was it?" "No." "Oh. Well, then I don't care." "Come, Mr. Delight," the Principle said to Apple, as he walked down the hallway. "Do you know what this is about?" "No," said Apple honestly. "Well Mr. Delight, you have been accused with sexual harassment." "A sexual hair ass mint? I've never had a hair ass mint. I dont even like mints." "Excuse me?" asked the Principle, blankly. "I don't like mints," Apple repeated. "Kid, do you know what sexual harassment is?" "Well, it sounds to me like it is a mint that gets rid of the hair on your ass, but I dont have hair on my ass and I've never used sexual hair ass mints, so I dont see how I'm in trouble." "What the heck are you talking about?" asked the stunned Principle. "Sexual hair ass mints, I think." "Sexual Harassment is the offending of somebody sexually." "Oh. Well now, wait a minute, I've never had sex," said Apple. "You don't have to have sex to sexually harass. You can say something sexually offending and that would be considered sexual harassment. For instance, if I told you that you had a nice looking butt, then that would be sexual harassment." "Oh. Well thanks, Mr. Principle, no one's ever told me that before," said Apple. "Well, I understand. That is why I have just decided that I am going to hire some people to educate the sixth grade on sexual harassment." "Thanks, you're nice. No ones ever told me that I have a nice butt, before," said Apple. And after the Principle did his best to explain to Apple that he did not think that he had a nice ass, he sent Apple back into class. The rest of the day went by and things were well. It wasn't until the next day that things got interesting. All of the students were pleased to see that Mr. Huff was not at school the next day. Instead, there were two teachers, one male and the other female, which didn't make since. "I don't get it," said Andy, "Why are there two teachers?" "The female teacher probably just invited her boyfriend over," said Apple. "Why would she do that?" asked Andy. "I dont know; thats just what my babysitter always does," Apple said. "Cool, maybe we can ask them questions!" said Andy. "Andy, What are you talking about?" asked Faulkner. "You know, boyfriend-girlfriend questions" "Are you a pervert?" asked Faulkner. "No, I mean, we can ask sick questions." "We could ask them if they have STD's," said Apple. "Andy, you are a pervert. And Apple, you are sick." "No, I'm not. I am seriously not constipated today, I swear!" said Apple. Robby noticed that Andy was staring at Audrey. "Andy, dont tell me your going crazy over Audrey again," said Robby. "What? I don't even know what you're talking about." "Yes, you do," said Robby. "So, what if I do?" "Then you're a pervert," said Faulkner. "Well, I don't." "Then you're a liar." "What? That's no fair!" But before Andy could finish his argument, the male teacher began talking. "Hello, everyone," he said happily, "Today, we will all be learning about Sexual Harassment. I am Mr. Long. And Ms. Cox will be teaching you as well." "Hi, kids," said Ms. Cox, the female teacher. "Now, we're going to start off today, by explaining sexual Harassment and then well go over some examples! Ready kids?!" No one answered. And the class proceeded in this fashion for another hour, the first forty-five minutes of which Andy, Edward, and Robby were bored out of their minds. But with fifteen minutes left in class, everyone instantly became interested... "Okay class, this next assignment is designed for you to practice treating each other as equals. Everyone is going to be paired up, a boy with a girl and a girl with a boy, to spend the night at one anothers' houses," said Ms. Cox. You will each make a list of who you want to be paired with and we will decide who to put with who, based off of that," said Mr. Long. "You have ten minutes, so I suggest that you hurry up." And with five minutes remaining, the lists were all taken up. And soon after, the class was let out. Later that day, Mr. Long and Ms. Cox were reading these lists "Jeez," said Mr. Long, "It seems that every girl in first period put Andy as their first choice." "Seriously?" "Yeah. I guess I should look at Andy's list as far as deciding who he will be paired with." Mr. Long took out a sheet of notebook paper. "He put Audrey as his first choice." "She was the most popular among the boys lists in that class," said Ms. Cox. "Well, isnt that nice," said Mr. Long. "Who else in that class was liked by the girls?" "Alan, Russell, and Apple," said Mr. Long. "Apple?" Thats a strange name." "Yeah, and his last name is Delight." "Delight?" "Yeah...Apple Delight." They couldn't help but laugh. "I cant imagine what kind of family he must live in!" Meanwhile, Apple was at home, eating dinner with his mother and his little sister, Lemony...Lemony Delight. "Mom, where will we be staying this weekend?" asked Apple. "You'll be with your dad." "Do we have to?" asked Apple. "Yes. He has rights to see you, Apple." "I know." "And he loves you very much." "I know." "And I know that he can frustrate you at times, but you just have to deal with it, okay?" "Can I be excused from the table?" "You're not even half way done," said Mrs. Delight. "I'll finish later. I don't want to talk." And Apple slouched out of the kitchen and to his room. Of all of his friends, he seemed to be the most unfortunate. Edward Faulkner was super rich and had a nanny that spoiled him. Robby was rich, too, even though his parents were strict, it was better than what he had. And Andy lived in a great house with supportive and loving parents. But Apple had to live with divorced parents in a house that wasn't that nice. If only things were different...Often times he liked to dream about what it would be like to live in Andy's house... Andy was sitting in the kitchen at the dining room table with his mom and his dad. "We had a Sexual Harassment class, today," said Andy. "A Sexual Harassment class? That seems kind of odd. What all happened?" asked Andy's dad. "Well, the first part was boring. The people just kept talking about what not to do. But then we got this project to do where we team up with a girl and spend the night so we can work on not sexually harassing each other." "Thats weird," said Andys dad, "Who were you assigned to?" "Well, I dont know yet. They let us choose and from that they will pair us up, some how." "Who did you choose?" asked Andys mom, trying to hold back a smile. "Stop it, mom." "Sorry, I just thought it was cute." "What ever," said Andy. "So, did Faulkner get into any trouble today?" asked Andy's dad. "Yeah. He told a teacher to suck his balls." "Again?! Man, that is one messed up kid!" said Andy's dad. "I'm relieved that you don't act like him," said his mom. "Can he come over this weekend?" asked Andy. "Well, what about the girl thats coming over?" "Well, we could do it he other night," Andy suggested. "Oh, I forgot to tell you something," said Andy's mom. "Robby asked to see if he could some over this weekend." "They could both come over," Andy suggested, once more. "Sounds good with me," said Andy's dad. "I guess that's alright," said Andy's mom. Meanwhile, Faulkner was, at the moment, eating in his room. His nanny had just served him food: chicken legs, two ice cream sandwiches, two pop sickles, and Jell-O. He was lying on the couch watching TV. This was what he liked to do when he got home. Meanwhile, Robby was at the dinner table, but he didn't say anything...he only asked if Andy had agreed to let him stay over. And after dinner, he went to his room to surf the net. In first period, the following day, everybody found the two Sexual Harassment teachers to be, once again, present. Mr. Long and Ms. Cox started class off with telling everyone how they needed to treat each other equally. But then, they got to what everyone was waiting for. Everyone was to find out whom they were paired up with. Ms. Cox began handing out little slits of paper. When Andy received his slit of paper, he saw that he had been paired with Audrey! He looked up over at where Audrey was sitting to see that she was looking at him, too. They both turned away and pretended that they hadn't been staring at each other. Robby received his note, saying that he'd been paired with Molly. She had been one of the lowest people on his list. Why the hell did he get hers? That wasn't fair. Apple received his, as well. And on the piece of paper, it said, "Kayla." She was one of his top choices. He smiled at the note. Then, Edward Faulkner received his. He opened the note to see that she had been paired with Shelby. "What?! What kind of bull crap is this?! Shelby?! She was one of the last people on my list! Why did I get stuck with Shelby?!" "Young man," said Ms. Cox, "That is no way to talk about somebody. This is what weve been talking about with Sexual Harassment." "Since when is this Sexual Harassment?!" asked Faulkner, angrily. "Haven't you been listening to Mr. Long and I?" asked Ms. Cox. "Why should I listen to you when you assign me to some ugly bitch, like Shelby?" "Young man, be quiet," said Mr. Long. "The way we did it was very fair." "No, it isn't! I want the first person that I listed, not the ninth!" "Settle down Edward," said Ms. Cox. "I am not doing this!" "Fine, then you'll get an F," said Ms. Cox. "That's fine with me." "Wait," said a little nerdy girl with thick glasses, "I don't want to make an F on this." "Then I guess you have no choice, Edward Faulkner," said Mr. Long. "No choice? You better believe that I have a choice and I am choosing not to do this, unless I get somebody that I want!" said Faulkner, vigorously. "Now, I see what you're trying to do," said Ms. Cox, "But threatening us isn't going to help. I know you don't really mean what you're saying, but you know what? We're going to pretend that you do mean it just to teach you a lesson." "No, he really means it. He will really do it," said Robby. "No, I seriously doubt that he will," Ms. Cox assured them. "No," said Andy, " He isn't threatening, he's promising. You don't know Faulkner like we do." "Well Faulkner, you are going to do this, because I said so," said Ms. Cox, trying to keep her cool. "Then why don't you suck my balls because I said so?" asked Faulkner. "Show them to me and maybe I will, bitch!" "Ms. Cox, he's just trying to get to you," said Mr. Long, "Calm down, okay...and as for you, little boy, you are going to do this, or else!" "Or else what?" "Don't be a smart elic, kid," said Mr. Long. "I wasn't, I seriously--" "DO AS WE TELL YOU OR I'LL RIP YOUR HEAD OFF!" shouted Ms. Cox. "Holy crap--yes ma'am." And that night, on Friday night, the pairs got together... Andy was the most excited, as he waited in his room that night, awaiting Audrey. He could only hope that the night would go well. Apple was prepared. He had listened to the Sexual Harassment teachers that day and he knew that all he had to do was treat Kayla equally...just like he would treat a guy. Faulkner was still pissed off. He was watching TV, eating Lays Chips. He was not looking forward to Shelby's arrival and neither was Shelby. Robby was prepared. He had made his room nice and tidy. He was still not happy with the person that had been chosen for him, but he would find a solution to get better chick...he just had to. The doorbell rang at Andy's house. He knew it was she...but he couldn't go down there...his parents would answer, and she could come up there. He heard the door open and he heard his dad greeting her in. He could hear Audrey's sweet voice telling him, "Hello." She was coming up the stairs...Andy couldn't be standing here, it wouldn't be cool...he quickly hopped on his bed and turned on the TV. "Hello, Andy." "Audrey? Oh, it's good to see that you're here," said Andy, as if he didn't hear her coming in. "What are you watching?" "Oh, uh, I don't know." "You don't know?" "Well, I was going to let you choose," Andy invented. "That's so sweet of you," said Audrey. Audrey got on Andy's bed. "See what's on TBS." Andy changed the channel to TBS. "Friends! I love this show," said Audrey. "What do you think of Friends?" "Uh, I've never really watched Friends." "You haven't?" asked Audrey. "It's a really good show." Andy had never considered watching television that wasn't animated. He liked "Sponge Bob Square Pants," "Futurama," "Family Guy," "Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends," "Ed, Edd, and Eddy," and "American Dad." But he decided to go with it, being it was Audrey, and all. Meanwhile, the doorbell rang at Robby's house. He knew it was she...but he couldn't go down there...his parents would answer, and she could come up here. He heard the door open and he heard his dad greeting her in. He could hear Molly's squeaky voice telling him, "Hello." She would soon be coming up the stairs...Robby couldn't be standing here, it wouldn't be cool...he quickly hopped on his bed and turned on the TV. "Robby!" his mother called, "Come down here and greet your girlfriend!" "She isn't my girlfriend!" he called back. "Well, whatever you want to call her, come and greet her!" "Can't she just come up here?!" "No, we want to meet her too, you know!" his dad called. "Damn it," Robby muttered. Meanwhile, the doorbell rang at Apple's house. He knew it was she...but he didn't want to go down there...his mom would answer, and she could dome up there. He heard the door open and he heard his mom greeting her in. He could hear Kayla's soft voice telling her, "Hello." She was coming up the stairs...Apple couldn't be standing here, it wouldn't be cool...he had do something cool...he could scare her! His friends liked to do that to each other...that would be treating her equally, right? Yeah, she'd like that. So he hid behind the door. He could hear her getting closer and closer. Now she was entering the room. "Apple? Apple are you in here?" she asked. "BOO!" "AAAGH! What was that for, ass rammer?!" "I was just messing with you," said Apple, trying to seem playful. "Well, I didn't appreciate that!" "Sorry, you didn't have to get your shorts in a knot. Be a man about it." "What are you talking about?" asked Kayla. "Forget it, do you want to arm wrestle?" Meanwhile, the doorbell rang at Edward Faulkners house. He knew it was she...but there was no way that he was going down to greet her...his nanny would answer, and she could come up there. He heard the door open and he heard his nanny asking her who she was. He could hear Shelby's annoying voice telling her, "I am here for the sleep over thing." Then he heard his nanny say, "What sleepover thing?" "The thing for school. The thing where everyone is paired up to sleepover in order to practice: not sexually harassing each other. Didn't Faulkner tell you about this?" "No," Faulkner could hear his nanny answer. "Well, I was paired up with him. Can I go see him, now?" "Well, okay, I guess." She was coming up the stairs...Faulkner didn't care if she thought that him watching TV and eating potato chips wasn't cool. She was now searching the halls in the floor below him. "Faulkner? Faulkner, where are you? Ugh, Lady? Can you tell me where Faulkners room is? Lady? Ma'am?" There were no answers. "Aw, this sucks." Meanwhile, back at Andys house, Andy was finding, "Friends" to be a very funny show. They were watching the second episode in a row with each other. Andy and Audrey were laughing their heads off with each other, and somehow they felt closer and closer. Robby, however, was not doing so hot. He was sitting next to Molly, a girl that he did not find very attractive and was embarrassed to be paired up with, in his living room with his parents. "Well, this is cute isn't it?" said Robbys father. "The two of you sitting next to each other." "Dad, don't embarrass me," said Robby, nervously. "Why are you embarrassed, sweetie?" asked Robby's mom, Mrs. Pratt. "It's just that...never mind." "You know, I remember my first date," said Mr. Pratt. "It was when I was sixteen and I am trying to remember who it was that I went out with..." Apple, meanwhile, wasn't doing well, either. His mother had just called the two of them down so they could eat their dinner. "I'll race you!" said Apple and he ran down the stairs as fast as he could. "I don't want to race...man this guy was a bad choice. I should have put him last, not second. I don't know why I thought he was cute." Naturally, Apple was too far away to hear her. But Kayla realized that one thing that she could be thankful for was that she did not have Faulkner...that would be horrible. "Faulkner?" Shelby called. "Faulkner where are you? Lady? I need help! Can anyone hear me?" She sighed, quite frustrated. Why the heck did he have to have such a big house? How the heck did he get to live in such a nice house? He was the laziest person she knew and yet he lived in a mansion. How was that possible? Faulkner, who was in the floor above her, was amused. The nanny was too far off in the mansion and he wasn't going to spoil the fun! Three hours passed, and the night was growing to a close. Some wanted it to end, while others wished that it could last forever. The others were Andy and Audrey. Andy and Audrey had just turned the TV off, but the lamp was still on. "I never knew that Everybody Loves Raymond, Friends, and Roseanne were so good," said Andy. "Well, the first three seasons of Roseanne were good, but then the show fell apart, but some how, they kept it on TV for four more seasons." "Oh, that stinks," said Andy. "Tell me about it," said Audrey, "When ever you see that Roseanne is going to come on when you're planning what you're going to watch, you don't know whether or not it is the earlier stuff or the later stuff, so you don't know what to choose." "You plan out what you watch on TV?" asked Andy. "Yeah, I know, pretty lame, huh?" she said, sounding embarassed. "No, I do that too." "Really?" asked Audrey. "Yeah," said Andy. "Hey, Andy. Have you ever played truth or dare with a girl?" "No. But I'll play it with you." Andy's mom and dad were in their bed. "I thought we told them to go to bed," said Andy's mom. "They're hardly making any noise. Besides, when you tell them to go to bed, that really means to quiet down," said Andy's dad. "I know, but it's just that I can't help but wonder...you don't think they're doing anything inappropriate, do you?" "What? Like playing truth or dare?" "Yeah, or playing doctor or something," said Andy's mom. "Way to go, Andy." "What?!" "Uh--I--uh--just kidding. I'm sure that they're not doing anything," said Andy's dad. "Well, I guess you're right...I guess." "We need to get some sleep; good night." "Good night." A few seconds passed, when they heard, "Oh, Andy!" come from the up stairs. "What was that?!" asked Andy's mom. "That was nothing. Go back to sleep." Meanwhile, Shelby had finally managed to find Faulkner. "I am not getting you ice cream, Faulkner!" "Yes you will, bitch." "I am not your bitch!" "Then, what do you want me to call you, bitch?" "Call me Shelby." "Okay. Go get me some Ice Cream Shell-bitch." "My name is Shelby, not Shell-bitch! And I am not getting you any Ice Cream, you fat cow!" "Whatever, Shell-bitch." Meanwhile, Robby and Molly had been put in separate beds, in order to prevent what was happening at Andy's house. Robby was bored. This sucked. And that Monday, all of the kids were back at school, in first period with the Sexual Harassment teachers and the principle. "Well, class. Before we start today, we would like to hear from everyone to see what you learned," said Ms. Cox. Robby raised his hand. "Okay, you little boy." "My name is Robby." "Yeah, whatever." "I learned that Genetic Engineering is a very good kind of Science with many benefits that will solve many of our problems, but it shouldn't be used for stupid and useless things. It should be used on things like kidney transplants and Huntington's Disease." "And what does that have to do with sexual harassment?" asked Ms. Cox. "You never said that it had something to do with sexual harassment." "Did anybody else learn anything? Andy, what about you?" "Hey, how come you've memorized his name?" asked Robby. "Shut up, kid," said Ms. Cox. "My name is Robby." "Whatever, kid. So Andy, what did you learn?" "Well, I learned that getting action with a girl is pretty sweet." "What? That's not what this project was for." "Oh. It wasn't? Well, at least I learned something." "Did anybody learn anything that has to do with Sexual Harassment?" "I did," said Apple. "Okay, what did you learn?" "I learned that this Sexual Harassment class is nothing but a joke." "What?" "Thats right," said Apple, "All you told us was to treat each other equally, but women dont want to be treated like men, they want to be treated like women. They want you to open the door for them, and treat them gingerly and kindly and that makes them feel good. That's what you should have been teaching us, but instead, you taught us to treat them like men. But the only way they want to be treated like men, is by being payed like men and be given the same rights as men. This class was nothing but a waste for all of us...except Andy. And Mr. Principle, I think that they ought to be fired." "Well, I don't know," said the Principle, "You did make a very good argument." "Imagine all of the money that you could spend on something else," said Apple. "You're right, kid. You two are fired." "WELL, FUCK YOU!" shouted Ms. Cox; "I DON'T EVEN GIVE A SHIT! I'LL FIND A JOB SOMEWHERE ELSE SO YOU CAN JUST SUCK IT!" Written by Joey Carlton

The Fight Joey Carlton William was twelve years old and he was on a walk with a girl who he’d secretly had a crush on, Kate. She had long brown hair and green eyes. She was wearing a dress, on that day and she went to the same orphanage as William. William, on the other, was a big blue eyed cutie with golden brown hair. The two of them were walking in a beautiful park that was very near their orphanage. They eventually sat down at a bench, and William listened to Kate talk about what she remembered of her parents. William found everything that she had to say enthralling, and he was beginning to feel quite close to her. It was a few minutes after they had sat down on the bench, that a pair of boys spotted them. The two boys knew William, and knew that he was an orphan. They were both two years older than him, one with blonde hair and brown eyes, and the other with light brown hair and green eyes. And the sight of William excited them. They loved to pick on him and beat him up. Lucky for them, William didn't know where they lived, so after every time that they beat him up and William returned to the orphanage all bloody, there was nothing that could be done to punish the two boys. Today, the two fourteen-year-olds were feeling a little low and the sight of William pleased them...and it appeared that he had a girlfriend. This made things much better. They began to approach the two of them, sitting on the bench, neither of them noticing their presence until they were within feet of them, when William looked up. His face went from happy and joyful to grave and scared in a second. "Hey, loser," said the blonde boy. "How's it going?" William didn't answer. "Hey orphan," said the other, "Is that your orphan girlfriend?" "Go away!" Kate snapped at them. But Kate didn't know whom she was dealing with. These kids were the toughest punks in their grade at school and they were two years older than she and William. The two boys grinned at William and Kate and then at each other. The blonde kid signaled that he would go after William and for the other to go after Kate. They began to approach them. "No! Please, stop!" William pleaded, but this only seemed to please the boys more. The blonde kid picked William up by his smooth golden brown hair. "Hey, kid! Think fast." And he punched William in the face. William groaned. He was punched again and then thrown to the ground. "Lousy orphan," the kid said to him. He stomped on William's chest twice and kicked him in the sides. "Why are you crying, orphan?" William lied on the ground looking up at the blonde kid. Then he turned his head to see Kate being thrown to the ground as well. She was screaming and was terrified. William watched in terror as his beloved Kate was being slapped in the face. "This is going to be the worst beating you’ve ever gotten," he said, punching William in the chin. William was still watching Kate, tears streaming out of her eyes as she cried. Then William's eyes suddenly narrowed and all of the pain left his body. His heart was pounding faster and harder than ever. He had never felt any emotion as strong as he did now. The blonde kid slapped William. He punched him again and again, but William did not cry out, he did not scream, and he did not even moan... The kid hit him again, and still William continued to wear that expression on his face with his narrow eyes. The blonde kid was somewhat surprised by William's sudden lack of painful cries. But he was far more surprised by what he did next...he punched him. And William didn't just punch him once, but again and again and again, very rapidly. The blonde kid got up off of William, holding his face, moaning. Then William got up off of the ground. "Hey kid! Think fast!" William sneered and he punched the kid in the chest and then in the stomach. The blonde kid moved his hands to his torso, holding himself in pain. William elbowed the kid in the ear and swung his fist into the kid's face. He punched him again and then kicked him. The blonde kid fell onto the ground crying in agony. William turned to his next victim. He walked over to the brunette kid who was pulling at Kate's hair, making her scream. William was now upon him, his eyes glowing madly in his anger. William picked up the kid by the hair, pulling him upright, as the kid screamed. Then William punched him and punched him again-again-again-again-then he kneed the kid in the scull and turned him around and kicked him in the back and smashed his elbow into the kids side. The kid fell to the ground, crying. William kicked the kid with all of him might. And he kicked him again and again… William would have pursued, but a couple in the park saw the scuffle and came to break up the fight, which was no longer a fight, but a beating. The blonde kid now had half-blonde hair and half-red hair. And the other kid had been knocked unconscious. William got into deep trouble that day, even though he insisted that he not get into trouble, because he said that he was only protecting himself. However, the caretakers at the orphanage seemed to think quite differently, for knocking someone unconscious seemed to be a bit beyond the realm of protection. But the bullies never messed with William again. They had no idea how it was that someone who was two years younger than them had single-handedly beat both of them up, and they made sure not to tell anyone at school about it. But the best thing of all came later on the day of the fight…when Kate and William became girlfriend and boyfriend. Joey Carlton