Drea2up's blog: "JOKES"

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.' I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?' The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.' Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.' The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.' Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.' Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous. 'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.' The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands. Are you okay?' the auditor asks. 'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!' Don't Mess with Old People!!

A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed. Awakening from the anaesthesia after the surgery she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor. "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!" The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him: "I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself." "The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had had the same procedure done some time ago." "And what about the third rose ?" she asked. "That's from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears."

I already knew Sponge Bob and I were like two peas in a pod... Everyone has a personality of a cartoon character. Have you ever asked yourself what cartoon character do you most resemble? A group of investigators got together and analyzed the personalities of well known and modern cartoon characters. The information that was gathered was made into this test. Answer all the questions (only 10) with what describes you best, add up all your Points (which are next to the answer that you choose) at the end and look for your results. Do not cheat by looking at the end before you are done. Then PLEASE leave me a comment here telling what character you are! 1. Which one of the following describes the perfect date? a) Candlelight dinner (4 pts.) b) Fun/Theme Park (2 pts.) c) Painting in the park (5 pts) d) Rock concert (1 pt.) e) Going to the movies (3 pts.) 2. What is your favorite type of music? a) Rock and Roll (2 pts.) b) Alternative (1 pt.) c) Soft Rock (4 pts.) d) Country (5 pts.) e) Pop (3 pts.) 3. What type of movies do you prefer? a) Comedy (2 pts.) b) Horror (1 pt.) c) Musical (3 pts.) d) Romance (4 pts.) e) Documentary (5 pts.) 4. Which one of these occupations would you choose if you only could choose one of these? a) Waiter (4 pts.) b) Professional Sports Player (5 pts.) c) Teacher (3 pts.) d) Police (2 pts.) e) Cashier (1 pt) 5. What do you do with your spare time? a) Exercise (5 pts.) b) Read (4 pts.) c) Watch television (2 pts.) d) Listen to music (1 pt.) e) Sleep (3 pts.) 6. Which one of the following colors do you like best? a) Yellow (1 pt.) b) White (5 pts.) c) Sky Blue (3 pts.) d) Dark Blue (2 pts.) e) Red (4 pts.) 7. What do you prefer to eat? a) Snow (3 pts.) b) Pizza (2 pts.) c) Sushi (1 p t.) d) Pasta (4 pts.) e) Salad (5 pts.) 8. What is your favorite holiday? a) Halloween (1 pt.) b) Christmas (3 pts.) c) New Year (2 pts.) d) Valentine's Day (4 pts.) e) Thanksgiving (5 pts.) 9. If you could go to one of these places which one would it be? a) Paris (4 pts) b) Spain (5 pts) c) Las Vegas (1 pt) d) Hawaii (4 pts) e) Hollywood (3 pts) 10. With which of the following would you prefer to spend time with? a) Someone Smart (5 pts.) b) Someone attractive (2 pts.) c) Someone who likes to Party (1 pt.) d) Someone who always has fun (3 pts.) e) Someone very sentimental (4 pts.) Now add up your points and find out the answer you have been waiting for! PLEASE, leave a comment here telling which character you are!!! It is very interesting to see 'who' your friends are! (10-16 points) You are Garfield: You are very comfortable, easy going, and you definitely know how to have fun but sometimes you take it to an extreme. You always know what you are doing and you are always in control of your life Others may not see things as you do, but that doesn't mean that you always have to do what is right. Try to remember, your happy spirit may hurt you or others. (17-23 points) You are Snoopy: You are fun, you are very cool and popular. You always know what's in and you are never are out of style. You are good at knowing how to satisfy everyone else. You have probably disappeared for a few days more than once but you always come home with the family values that you learned. Being married and having children are important to you, but only after you have had your share of fun times. (24-28 points) You are Elmo: You have lots of friends and you are also popular, always willing to give advice and help out a person in need. You are very optimistic and you always see the bright side of things. Some good advice: try not to be too much of a dreamer. Dreaming too big could cause many conflicts in your life. (29-35 points) You are Sponge Bob Square Pants: You are the classic person that everyone loves. You are the best friend that anyone could ever have and never wants to lose. You never cause harm to anyone and they would never not understand your feelings. Life is a journey, it's funny and calm for the most part. Stay away from traitors and jealous people, and you will be stress free. (36-43 points) You are Charlie Brown: You are tender, you fall in love quickly but you are also very serious about all relationships. You are a family person. You call your Mom every Sunday. You have many friends and may occasionally forget a few Birthdays. Don't let your passion confuse you with reality. (44-50 points) You are Dexter: You are smart and definitely a thinker.. Every situation is fronted with a plan. You have a brilliant mind. You demonstrate very strong family principles. You maintain a stable routine but never ignore a bad situation when it comes. Try to do less over thinking every once in a while to spice things up a bit with spontaneity! I'm looking forward to seeing all of your comments!!!!!! XOxo~A