blackpanthersrevenge72's blog: "jokes"

One day John decides to invite Mark on a trip on his private jet. Whilst on this luxury aeroplane Mark asks where the toilet is. John shows him and says to him "inside there are 3 buttons, whatever you do don't press the third one." Mark proceeds to the toilet and does his business. Whilst sitting on the toilet he presses the first button. Suddenly his privates are cleaned thoroughly. He enjoys this and presses the second button. Dryers appear and dry his privates. He is intrigued to find out what button 3 does, so he pushes it. The next thing Mark sees is John staring at him....."what happened?" Mark asks shakily. "Well you pressed the third button and now you are in hospital." "Why do my privates hurt so bad?" Mark asked anxiously..John replies "Well you activated the automatic tampon remover."

BEER TROUBLESHOOTING SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. FAULT: Improper bladder control. ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training. SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. FAULT: Glass empty. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. FAULT: You have fallen over backward. ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar. SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts. FAULT: You have fallen forward. ACTION: See above. SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror. SYMPTOM: Floor blurred. FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: Floor moving. FAULT: You are being carried out. ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar. SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark. FAULT: Bar has closed. ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender. SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures. FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations. ACTION: Cover mouth. SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles. FAULT: You are dancing on the table. ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking. SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear. FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up. ACTION: Punch him. SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear. FAULT: You have been in a fight. ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them. SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in. FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party. ACTION: See if they have free beer. SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted. FAULT: The beer is too weak. ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves. SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song. FAULT: Beer is just right. ACTION: Play air guitar.

A husband and wife are traveling by car from Atlanta to New York. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they decide to stop at a nice hotel and take a room. They only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk explains that $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager. The manager enters the conversation and explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which were available for the husband and wife to use. He also explains that they could have taken in one of the shows which the hotel is famous for. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," explains the manager. No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!" The manager is unmoved. Eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and hands it to the manager. "But sir," the managers says, "this check is only made out for $100." "That's right," replies the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife." "What! I didn't sleep with your wife!" exclaims the manager. "Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have.

Study each question carefully. Then, choose the answer that seems most correct (True or False) and circle the T or F as appropriate. 1. A clitoris is a type of flower. T F 2. Pubic hair is a wild rabbit. T F 3. "Spread Eagle" is an extinct bird. T F 4. Vagina is a medical term used to describe heart trouble. T F 5. Menstrual cycle has three (3) wheels. T F 6. A G-string is part of a violin. T F 7. Semen is another word for "sailor". T F 8. Anus is the Latin word for "yearly". T F 9. Testicles are found on an octopus. T F 10. Asphalt describes rectal troubles. T F 11. Masturbate is used to catch large fish. T F 12. KOTEX is a radio station in Bryan, Texas. T F 13. Coitus is a musical instrument. T F 14. Fetus is a character on "Gunsmoke". T F 15. An umbilical cord is part of a parachute. T F 16. A condom is an apartment complex. T F 17. An organism is the person who accompanies the chior in church. T F 18. A diaphram is a drawing in geometry. T F 19. A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle. T F 20. An erection is when the Japanese vote for their new government officials. T F 21. A lesbian is a person from the Middle East. T F 22. Sodomy is a special kind of fast-growing grass. T F 23. Pornography is the business of making record albums. T F 24. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origins. T F 25. Douche is the Italian word for "twelve". T F 26. An enema is someone who is not your friend. T F 27. Ovaries are a French egg dish made with cheese. T F

happy mothers day to you all who are moms hope you are all having a good day! every child should have two things: a DOG and a MOTHER willing to let them have one. Dogs are better then human beings-because they KNOW- but do not tell :) oops this one was to be in the just rambling blog but hey to them all i will post a joke later

There was a cop on his horse waiting to cross the road when a little boy on his new shiny bike stopped beside him. ''Nice bike,'' the cop said, ''did Santa bring it to you?'' ''Yep,'' the little boy said, ''he sure did!'' The cop looked at the bike and while handing the boy a $20 ticket he said, ''Next year, tell Santa to put a license plate on the back of it.'' To go along with the cop, the little boy said, ''Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?'' ''Yes, He sure did,'' said the cop.

Q. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? A. Because when you take it off, you wonder where her tits went!

I know we just met and I really shouldn't be asking u. I feel shy but I want it so bad, don't get me wrong it's just that I haven't had it for a long time. I could already feel it going in so hard and coming out so soft and wet. no one has to know about this. I need it. I'm desperate, but your help can be very grateful you must think I have a lot of nerve asking you this, but I can feel my tongue around it sucking all the juice out until there is no more left, this has been on my mind all day long and I hope I'm not being forward. I'm usually not like this, but.............. can I have some gum?