blackpanthersrevenge72's blog: "jokes"

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Kids Ever notice how a 4 year old's voice is louder than 200 adult voices? Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit, with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I came into my bedroom about 2 a.m., I found my two children in bed with my wife, Karen, apparently scared by the loud storm. I resigned myself to sleeping in the guest bedroom that night. The next day, I talked to the children, and explained that it was OK to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but when I was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom that night. They said okay. After my next trip several weeks later, Karen and the children picked me up in the terminal at the appointed time. Since the plane was late, everyone had come into the terminal to wait for my plane's arrival, along with hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers. As I entered the waiting area, my son saw me, and came running shouting, "Hi, Dad! I've got some good news!" As I waved back, I said loudly, "What is the good news?" "The good news is that nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!" Alex shouted. The airport became very quiet, as everyone in the waiting area looked at Alex, then turned to me, and then searched the rest of the area to see if they could figure out exactly who his Mom was. LIZW

Why, Why, Why, Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they already know there is not enough money? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check when you say the paint is still wet? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If people evolved from apes, why are there still ape s? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're goin g?' -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- And my FAVORITE...... The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

The Screw... It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in. "Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" He says. "That's cool." Says Bobby. Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie. Carrie's father responds, "Why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it." Naturally, this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby, so he asks Carrie's Dad to repeat it. "Yeah," says Carrie's father, "Carrie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!" Well, this just made Bobby's eyes light up, and his plan for the evening was beginning to look pretty good. A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door. About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father: "DAMMIT DADDY! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!!!"

1) I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy! 2) Shouldn't you be out drinking with your friends? 3) Great fart!! Rip another one! 4) Pet names are silly. I just call it my c*nt. 5) You should see the shit I just birthed. 6) I'd rather play Duke Nukem than go shopping. 7) Let's start subscribing to Hustler. 8) Would you like to see a video of me going down on my friend? 9) I'll swallow it all. I love the taste of it! 10) Are you sure you've had enough to drink? I'm buying.

a conscience is what hurts when all other parts feel so good. do you ever notice that when you're driving anyone going slower then you is an idiot and everyone going faster then you is a maniac? redneck work of the day: Cedar : i knowed she ain't got no panties on cause i cedar cooter when she bent over! i bought a race horse and named it "myface" ! not that good of a name but imagine everyone yelling cum'on my face cum'on my face. is it in? (ya) does it hurt? (uh huh) k i'll put it in slowly, still hurts? (ow it really hurts) k lets try another shoe then! pass this on you perv.

the sight of oranges in all three godfather films signals that death (or close call) is about to happen. did you know that?

ENTER Riddles? or Jokes! Random Riddle There are 20 people in an empty, square room. Each person has full sight of the entire room and everyone in it without turning his head or body, or moving in any way (other than the eyes). Where can you place an apple so that all but one person can see it? The Answer Please Place the apple on one person's head. Random Joke A LETTER FROM A WEST VIRGINIA MOTHER TO HER DAUGHTER Dear Louanne Ellie Mae, I'm writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last West Virginia family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though; last week I put a loan in and pulled the chain and haven't seen them since. The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days. About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be to heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out. Your sister had a baby this morning; but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or an uncle. The baby looks just like your brother. Uncle Ted fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off playfully and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam safely. Your other two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down. There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened. Love, Mom P. S. I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.