The Five Minute Management Course ~
> *Lesson 1:*
>
> *A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is
> finishing up her
> shower, when the doorbell rings.*
>
> *The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs
> downstairs.*
>
> *When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door
> neighbor.*
>
> *Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you
> $800 to drop that towel.'*
>
> *After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and
> stands naked in
> front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and
> leaves.*
>
> *The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back
> upstairs.*
>
> *When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who
> was that?'*
>
> *'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.*
>
> *'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say
> anything about the $800 he owes me?'
> *
>
> *Moral of the story:*
>
> *If you share critical information pertaining to credit and
> risk with your
> shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent
> avoidable
> exposure.*
>
> *Lesson 2:*
>
> *A priest offered a Nun a lift.*
>
> *She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to
> reveal a leg.*
>
> *The priest nearly had an accident.*
>
> *After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up
> her leg.*
>
> *The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'*
>
> *The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let
> his hand slide up
> her leg again.*
> *The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm
> 129?'*
>
> *The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is
> weak.'*
>
> *Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went
> on her way.*
>
> *On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up
> Psalm 129. It
> said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find
> glory.'*
>
> *Moral of the story:*
> *If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a
> great
> opportunity.*
>
> *Lesson 3:*
>
> *A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are
> walking to lunch
> when they find an antique oil lamp.*
>
> *They rub it and a Genie comes out.*
> *The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one
> wish.'*
> *'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk 'I
> want to be in the Bahamas,
> driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'*
> *Puff! She's gone.*
>
> *'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I
> want to be in Hawaii , relaxing
> on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply
> of Pina Coladas
> and the love of my life.'*
>
> *Puff! He's gone.*
>
> *'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the
> manager.*
> *The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office
> after lunch'*
>
> *Moral of the story:*
> *Always let your boss have the first say.*
>
> *Lesson 4*
>
> *An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.*
>
> *A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I
> also sit like you and do
> nothing?'*
> *The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'*
>
> *So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and
> rested. All of a
> sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.*
>
> *Moral of the story:*
> *To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very,
> very high up.*
>
> *Lesson 5*
>
> *A turkey was chatting with a bull.*
>
> *'I would love to be able to get to the top of that
> tree' sighed the turkey,
> 'but I haven't got the energy.'*
> *'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
> droppings?' replied the bull.
> They're packed with nutrients.'*
>
> *The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually
> gave him enough
> strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.*
>
> *The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the
> second branch.*
>
> *Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly
> perched at the top of
> the tree.*
>
> *He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of
> the tree.*
>
> *Moral of the story:*
> *Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep
> you there.*
>
> *Lesson 6*
>
> *A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so
> cold the bird
> froze and fell to the ground into a large field.*
>
> *While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some
> dung on him.*
>
> *As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he
> began to realize
> how warm he was.*
>
> *The dung was actually thawing him out!*
>
> *He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing
> for joy.*
> *A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to
> investigate.*
>
> *Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the
> pile of cow
> dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.*
>
> *Morals of the story:*
> *(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.*
>
> *(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your*
> *friend.*
>
> *(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to
> keep*
> *your mouth shut!*
>
> *THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE*
