ravenpumpkin's blog: "just stuff"

For the last 2 years, my youngest son has asked me why his Aunt Jenny (my sister) doesn't like me. Without wanting to get into it too much, I just said that Aunt Jenny wasn't a very nice or forgiving person. Today he gave me an answer...Aunt Jenny doesn't like me because I don't go to church. I was SO mad!! My ex husband was NEVER interested in religion when we were together and in fact told me that anyone who went to church was a hypocrite. But since cheating on me, lying to my family, myself and my friends, destroying our family and then marrying the whore he cheated with, he is going to church. And not just a normal church, one of these giant God Cults that boast 10 services over 2 days and tens of thousands of members. My brother in law goes to this church and he has my sister brainwashed. Apparently now they are trying to brainwash my children as well. I don't know whose idea it was for them to go to church. (at first my brother in law was very upset with my ex husband for lying to him. didn't care that my ex cheated on me, just that he lied to him about it but he told my mother that since my ex told him he was sorry for lying - again, not for cheating - he has forgiven him) So today, Jarrod told me that I am a bad person because I don't go to church. I told him that I didn't share the beliefs that my sister does but it does not make me a bad person. He told me that his church tells him that anyone who doesn't believe in "God" is a bad person. I told him that's not true and that Jesus taught us to love others and to be tolerant of any differences. I know more pagans that follow those ideas than I do Christians who do. Most Christians that I know look down their noses at people who don't believe as they do and condemn them for it. Numerous times in my life I have told these people that if they don't agree with my beliefs, they don't need to convert me, just pray for me. I can use all the prayers I can get. I pray. Just because my God happens to take many forms just as my Goddess does, it doesn't mean that I don't pray or that I don't have a spiritual side. I don't choose to flaunt my beliefs. I have found in my life that the louder people proclaim to be Christian, the less they really act like it. I'm sure that we've all met these Sunday Christians, who sit in church and think that they are so devout, but as soon as they leave that building, go back to hating their neighbors and leading a life that does not follow the teachings of Jesus. I'm not perfect. I never claimed to be, but I can't stand people who think I'm wrong just because I don't believe what they do. And they're trying to turn my children against me now too. My oldest son is not so easily taken in. He knows what I believe and I've talked to him about how I feel about that church. I told him that I don't ever want him to think that I'm not a good person because of what his father, step mother, aunt and uncle say about me. He knows that I am good. It's so much harder with my youngest. He's at that age where he believes anything they tell him. And because at "his church" he gets entertained, he thinks it is right. I was a Christian for many years and even taught Sunday School. I never like contemporary services or anything loud and flashy. I don't think that you go to church to be entertained, you go to learn. This place that my ex takes them to has a gift shop, a coffee shop and in my son's sunday school room, they have an X-Box 360 and 2 fooseball tables. What kind of church is that? How does that teach you about God? What happened to loving your neighbor or treating others the way that you want to be treated. I may not brandish a cross and be able to quote the Bible, but even I know those lessons. As a pagan I believe that what you do comes back to you. If I'm a good person then good things will come to me. If I do bad things, then bad things are going to happen to me. It really is that simple. So why is it that my ex and all the rest continue to hurt me and yet lead "happy" lives? Why is it that they never have to struggle for money or skip meals so they can feed their children? I'm not a bad person and I hate that they are making me out to be one. What am I supposed to do? How do I fight this?

So I had an album on here with pictures of my favorite band, Adrenalyn. I just deleted it. They were so awesome! The drummer was a girl who wasn't even as big as my 10 year old son and she could kick ass! The bass player was her boyfriend, he was quiet when you first met him but once you got to know him, he really opened up and had a great sense of humor. His standard dedication to me was "Psycho" by Puddle of Mudd. The guitar player was so incredibly talented and so twisted! He would often play an entire set wearing a mask of some kind. The latest was a "Jason" from Friday the 13th one. And the lead singer, he was my favorite. The rest of the band looked like they belonged in a rock band, piercings, tattoos, black hair. They just looked the part. But Craig was so normal and down to earth. And damn he's cute too! He had a voice that was so incredible it just gave me the shivers. I followed that band everywhere! Everytime there was a show and I didn't have my kids, I would go see them. They usually played around Pottsville, but I went as far as Hazelton to see them. I took hundreds and hundreds of pictures of them and put them all up on my myspace page. Friday night I went to see them in Pottsville. I knew that things were kinda rough for them. Craig is going to school in addition to working full time and renovating his house. Plus he has 2 teenage kids and recently got remarried. When I saw him Friday night, he looked so down. We'd been talking a lot lately via email (yeah, I gave him my phone number but he's a good married guy and wouldn't call me - but we still flirt and have a great friendship and know where we stand) and I knew that he was going thru some pretty bad times. I just felt like I would have done anything to make him smile. I'd have walked over hot coals barefoot. I did end up giving him a backrub I've been told that I should give up my career as a dental assistant and become a massage therapist!) The whole time that he wasn't on stage, he sat with me and we talked. He's such a nice guy. Anyway, when I logged onto my myspace page today, there was a bulletin up from the band saying that they had a new lead singer. I was so pissed! I wrote to Craig and asked him what happened, wrote a bitchy email to the guitar player (who I have a better relationship with than the other 2 band members). I felt really bad for Craig because today is his birthday. But he seems ok with it. he still sounds sad though and I'd still do anything to make him smile. I just feel like a chapter of my life has closed. They were the first band that I ever got attached to and followed. Ok, maybe I'm too old to be a groupie, but I was with my ex husband since I was 19. I never got to go out and have fun. They always called me their #1 fan and at just about every show, they would make a point of thanking me for coming out to see them and do a song for me. The first time they ever did a song for me it was "I want you to want me" and ever since when they would sing it, I always knew that Craig was singing it just for me. He's sweet like that. So they have a new lead singer but they have lost their #1 fan. Does that make me petty? Yes, Craig was my favorite but I really did like them all. They had a special magic about them, the way they played off each other and worked together. Throwing another singer into the mix isn't going to be the same. They won't be Adrenalyn anymore. So now I'm sad. Maybe this seems stupid to everyone who is reading this, but they were important to me.

Does your name fit? Use the explanations below to find out! Guess mine fits pretty well! Of course only a few people know the answers to some of them!! :) S: Very good kisser A: makes people laugh R: Great in bed A: makes people laugh H: Very outgoing L: Very good kisser E: has beautiful eyes N: easy to fall in love with (yeah, don't think so!!) O: has one of the best personalities ever R: great in bed E: has beautiful eyes K: cute E: has beautiful eyes L: very good kisser L: very good kiser E: has beautiful eyes R: Great in bed A: makes​ peopl​e laugh​ B: loves​ peopl​e C: great​ frien​d D:​​​​​can kick ur butt E: has beaut​iful e​yes F: wild and crazy​ G: HOTT H: Very outgo​ing I: good boyfr​iend or girlf​riend​ J: is reall​y sweet​ K: cute L: very good kisse​r M: can be funny​ and dumb at times​ N: easy to fall in love with O: has one of the best perso​nalit​ies ever P: popul​ar with all types​ of peopl​e Q: has a smile​ to die for R: great in bed S: very good kisse​r T: very opene​d-​​​​minde​d U: is loved​ by every​one V:​ not judgm​ental​ W: is a good kisse​r X: never​ let peopl​e tell you what to do Y: very hot Z: makes​ datin​g fun