Mike McQ's blog: "Just STUFF"

Work: Sucks Home: Messy Heart: Misses Her Money: Gone Car: Broken Dog: Smelly Hair: Needs Cut Beer: Full!!!

Back home and all I can say is; THANK GOD!

Well this is it; today i start the new job. It's been so long since ive been like this, nervous and unsure of myself. It feels like the first day of school as a kid; and not in a good way! I don't know anybody, will I make friends? Do you think they dress like they did at my old school? Will the work be harder than my old school? Will they think I'm dumb? Ahh to be young again; i wouldnt go back to that time if i could! It took all my control not to drive down to see Alli this weekend, she's got a lot happening this week and i was tempted to sneak down and spend a couple of hours cheering her up. She was busy most of the weekend tho, and since i'll be seeing her Thurs and Fri, i figured i could wait. Kicking myself for that decision now, i miss her; thank you verizon for free weekends on the phone! I've got to head out in a few, think anyone will sit at my table during lunch break? Fuck, i don't wanna go....

I can't believe im finally here. This week has been mad busy with all the things that i didnt think about when i was planning my trip home. Sorting mail, making an eye appointment, shopping. I have another week before i start back to work, but i think ive got everything done that i need to so im looking forward to a nice relaxing next week. The weekend was awesome; not long enough but awesome. Alli and i had a great time, and even tho she called me a pig 20 times, i think she might be a little impressed that im really NOT a pig. My mom pulled me aside at brunch and whispered "That's not the same girl i talked to on the phone is it, she's so pretty and nice!!!" Yes, it's the same girl. And yes, she is; and so much more. As soon as i think about her i lose my train of thought and all i can do is smile and think of her touch. The house smells like her perfume and every day it fades a little; next time she's here im going to buy her a bottle of whatever she wears so that i can keep it here. FUCK; I MISS HER. Work. I should put something here about work. I start work in a week and a half. Family. I should put something here about family. They're awesome and im lucky to have them. Friends. It's been great to see them all, and i realized how much ive missed some people, and not missed others. My work here is done, I'm going to call my girl; see ya.

I LOVE HER.

This is it; the last day of work here. I'm going in a little early so i have time to dick around when i get there, and tonight it's farewell beers with the guys. IT IS A GOOD DAY!

I only have to fall asleep here 2 more nights! Then home sweet home. I can't sit still; im so excited that my hands sweat when i think about it too long. I called my folks last night and went over the arrival times, that made it feel REAL. It's been a long time since ive felt like this; the kid waiting on Christmas morning syndrome. Everyone at home seems to be doing good; friends and family alike, so that's a relief. My car is at my parents house so i should be able to just drive home after dinner. Man, that sounds good in my head. I don't know how i'm going to sleep friday night; saturday morning can't get here soon enough. I dont know what i'm most excited about, getting home or seeing her again. I think seeing her. I've not made any plans for the night, she said we can find our way as we go but i'd like to take her out to dinner and/or do something fun; any suggestions? I've spent this week adding phone numbers and email address to my phone, and trying not to think about how hard its gunna be to find another job with people like this. Everyone has been cool to me, always shown respect and deserved mine; i'm going to fucking miss 'em. We're already making plans to get together this summer or over christmas, so that's cool. Makes it easier to say bye. Speaking of saying bye; i'm out. See ya next time 'round.

It's a good day to be alive. Ever woke up feeling that way? I see her in one week. Seven days from right now I'll be able to touch her hand and hug her and smell her hair. That probably sounds weird, but I just want to hug her close, inhale and take a deep breath and smell her hair. We've waited for so long and made so many plans, but all that I can think of doing is smelling her hair. The guys are having a big going-away-party for me tonite; looking forward to that. I've been lucky to meet some really good folks this past year; and with the invention of the idiot box in front of me I'm hopeing to stay in touch with them. And I'm so fucking excited to see all my old friends back home and be able to see all their kids. Pictures are great, but they're not the same thing. I've only seen Chris's son one time when he was a born, and I'm his Godfather. He's 5 now! Seven days, one week, a lifetime. I get to Phoenix on Friday evening, seeing my parents for dinner and then HOME! I can't wait to walk into my house and be HOME for the night. And then, first thing Saturday morning, SHE ARRIVES! Christmas.

I woke up this morning, so tired that i could barely make it to the shower; but it didnt last, thoughts of the coming weeks came to me and all the exhaustion left. So much is happening right now, so much that ive been working towards for so long and now its all coming together; i cant help be be afraid. I called my mother today; talked about everything on my mind, about work, the house, alli, everything and she kept saying the same thing - if God brings you to it, he will bring you through it. is it that simple? i have so many blessings, do i have the right to hope for more? to want more? is it not arrogance to look at all that i have and still ask for more? I keep wanting. I keep hoping. I keep daring to ask for her. I can't seem stop; it's been so long of waiting that i forgot know how to not want her. Am i a bad person? Probably. I'd rather be bad and have her then good and lose her again. Time will tell. Ten days to go; it feels like a clock in my head that gongs now and again and screams "IT'S ALMOST TIME". I'm nervous, excited, elated, afraid, concerned; but then i hear her voice and i know that it's all going to be okay. That's the real magic; how she can take away every doubt and all of the fears with one sentence. The other magic is how she can sense when im needing to hear from her; and she logs in. She just logged in now....magic isnt it?

- Get Your Own