djwyc's blog: "Life's Lessons"

Delusion Standing in the road Two paths before me The signs clear Like the changing of seasons One bringing pain The other is known painful still for various reasons Words of beauty Have the ring of truth Fall to the wayside When put to the test They hold no substance Without actions The reality is They are like all the rest The clock is ticking Time has told Sadness dwells Truth has been revealed No comfort to be had No friend at my side There is nothing No safety to shield My foot to the path Which way to go The words have dried up The beauty is dead Sadness enfolds For the path of old Understanding has dawned It was only in my head

My life has never been a bed of roses and Ive always been told that nothing worth anything comes easy. Im happy with who I am and I feel that I have come along way. I have struggled but that has made the little achievements mean that much more...I think Im a good person and I try to do whats right....sometimes when looking back I think maybe I could have done something different but usually given the knowledge and circumstances that I had at the time it was the best choice....There are times when life throws you curve balls and you have to keep dodgeing them...sometimes I even feel like im on a merry go round and I just want to stop and get off...but I keep plugging away... then there are times it seems like nothing I ever do is right ...shit just keeps turning to ashes in my hands....and at the lowest point when you feel like you just can't go on anymore.....you do..... because to do nothing is far worse then never trying. I hear people say "I feel like a failure" or "I will never amount to anything" ....What really is success but goals that each of us has assigned for ourselves...and who are we anyway in the vast cosmos of the universe....In truth we are nothing more then a blip in time and in the end are any of us really successes ...since we all will lay down our life and die....who will really remember us...Once I lived next door to an older women and I spoke with her periodically and after a few years she died....her children who rarely came to see her were having a yard sale and I saw all the things that she had worked so hard to accumulate to make life easier for herself sold off... piece by piece...her bed...her tv...her prized gardening tools (she was always planting and weeding her garden)....I remember I felt like weeping...not because she was a close friend and I felt sad to see her go....because even I didn't really know her that well but because in the end...everything that we have worked and strived our whole life to achieve will be gone ...dust ....sold in someones yard sale....scattered across the earth....we build our selves great big houses and fill them with things that we think will make us happy and in the end everything we have built will be gone....Yes I have a house...but I have it for stability for my children...Yes i have things but Ive been robbed so manytimes Ive learned not to get attached to objects...people are who matter and people are who I place my value in even though sometimes they can be trying.....so where am I going with all this ....???...I just need to remind myself that Im only human and I am only a failure if I label myself one.

You hear that sometimes people come into your life for a reason. Then when they leave you sometimes wonder what that reason was, especially when you find out that they really were not your friend to begin with. You start doubting yourself and wondering how you could have missed the signs. Then you think maybe the little girl in you just saw the little person in them not the adult manipulator that lurks beneath the surface. Honesty and integrity are traits that I value in a person, however, honesty is a double edged sword. It allows you to open yourself up to people who make a living preying on the trustfulness of others. You begin to pull back from people and everyone you meet becomes a suspect,.... always trying to give others a chance,... but then they prove you right in the end. Its a sad state of affairs when you can never trust another human being because they live by a different set of values known only to them. Words become meaningless because the value of the word changes from individual to individual based on cultural norms. Truth and Justice have become tainted by relativity and personal choices are the excuses for harming others. So the question is what do you do? My answer is.... to just be who I am without pretenses. Cry it out and then be all that I can be and FUCK everyone else. My conscious is clear I have harmed no one. I seek not to destroy. My life is my own and I live it how I see fit. I can not live my life in fear of who will try to destroy me tomorrow...I can only live for today. Truth, honor, and loyalty will be my guides and hopefully true justice will prevail. I choose to live life without fear.