SHaNZ's blog: "lyrics"

all day staring at the ceiling making friends with shadows on my wall all night i'm hearing voices telling me that i should get some sleep because tomorrow might be good for something hold on i'm feeling like i'm headed for a breakdown i don't know why i'm not crazy i'm just a little unwell i know right now you can't tell but stay awhile and maybe then you'll see a different side of me i'm not crazy i'm just a little impaired i know right now you don't care but soon enough you're gonna think of me and how i used to be see me talking to myself in public and dodging glances on the train i know i know they've all been talking 'bout me i can hear them whisper and it makes me think there must be something wrong with me out of all the hours thinking somehow i've lost my mind [chorus] talking in my sleep pretty soon they'll come to get me they'll be taking me away

Wish I was too dead to cry My self-affliction fades Stones to throw at my creator Masochists to which I cater You don't need to bother; I don't need to be I'll keep slipping farther But once I hold on, I won't let go 'til it bleeds Wish I was too dead to care If indeed I cared at all Never had a voice to protest So you fed me shit to digest I wish I had a reason; my flaws are open season For this, I gave up trying One good turn deserves my dying You don't need to bother; I don't need to be I'll keep slipping farther But once I hold on, I won't let go 'til it bleeds [Solo: Corey] Wish I'd died instead of lived A zombie hides my face Shell forgotten with its memories Diaries left with cryptic entries And you don't need to bother; I don't need to be I'll keep slipping farther But once I hold on, I won't let go 'til it bleeds You don't need to bother; I don't need to be I'll keep slipping farther But once I hold on: I'll never live down my deceit

I can't remember anything Can't tell if this is true or dream Deep down inside I feel to scream This terrible silence stops in me Now that the war is through with meI'm waking up, I cannot see That there is not much left of me Nothing is real but pain now Hold my breath as I wish for death Oh please God, wake me Back in the womb it's much too real In pumps life that I must feel But can't look forward to reveal Look to the time when I'll live Fed through the tube that sticks in me Just like a wartime noveltyTied to machines that make me be Cut this life off from me Hold my breath as I wish for death Oh please God, wake me Now the world is gone I'm just one Oh God, help me hold my breath as I wish for death Oh please God, help me Darkness imprison me All that I see Absolute horrorI cannot live I cannot die Trapped in myself Body my holding cell Landmine Has taken my sight Taken my speech Taken my hearingTaken my armsTaken my legs Taken my soul Left me with life in hell

Ain't Found A Way To Kill Me Yet Eyes Burn With Stinging Sweat Seems Every Path Leads Me To Nowhere Wife And Kids And Household Pet Army Green Was No Safe Bet The Bullets Scream To Me From Somewhere Here They Come To Snuff The Rooster Yeah Here Come The Rooster You Know He Ain't Gonna Die Walkin' Tall Machine Gun Man They Spit On Me In My Homeland Gloria Sent Me Pictures Of My Boy Got My Pills 'Gainst Mosquito Death My Buddy's Breathin' His Dyin' Breath Oh God Please Won't You Help Me Make It Through

There's a shadow just behind me, shrouding every breath I take, making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. Waiting like a stalking butler who upon the finger rests. Murder now the path called "must we" just before the son has come. Jesus, won't you fucking whistle something but the past and done? Why can't we not be sober? I just want to start this over. Why can't we drink forever. I just want to start things over. I am just a worthless liar. I am just an imbecile. I will only complicate you. Trust in me and fall as well. I will find a center in you. I will chew it up and leave, I will work to elevate you just enough to bring you down. Trust me. Mother Mary won't you whisper something but what's past and done. Trust me. I want what I want.