jamie's blog: "Mine"

he is still here Just because you can not see him Know that hes still here When you cry and say that you miss him Know that hes still here When you wish that he could be there to see that happy moment Know that he's still here When you sit up at night and think what it would be like if he had not died Know that he's still here When you just don't understand why he had to leave Know that he's still here When you don't want to think of him because you know that you will cry Know that he's still here he will always be here to watch over us Know that he's still here Dad...so many images come to mind whenever I speak your name; It seems without you in my life things have never been the same. What happened to those lazy days when I was just a child; When my life was consumed in you in your love, and in your smile. What happened to all those times when I always looked to you; No matter what happened in my life you could make my gray skies blue. Dad, some days I hear your voice and turn to see your face; Yet in my turning...it seems the sound has been erased. Dad, who will I turn to for answers when life does not make sense; Who will be there to hold me close when the pieces just don't fit. Oh, Dad, if I could turn back time and once more hear your voice; I'd tell you that out of all the dads you would still be my choice. Please always know I love you and no one can take your place; Years may come and go but your memory will never be erased. Today, Jesus, as You are listening in your home above; Would you go and find my dad and give him all my love.

So, now today is Father's Day, and I miss you more than ever. How I wish that I could visit you, and we could spend some time together. I guess God knew what He was doing when He took my daddy away. I just wish that I could talk to you, especially on Father's Day. I always took for granted, what I thought I'd never lose. Because I never thought it would happen, until I heard the dreaded news.

know it's been over fifteen years, But I still have trouble letting go. Your death was all so sudden, I should get over it, I know. But I still love talking to you like I would if you were here. Because I'm still your little girl. I just wish that you could hear. All the conversations that I whisper in the wind. And read all my childhood letters that I tried so hard to send. I wish you could smell the flowers that we put upon your grave. And see all the many pictures we put in a box and saved. I wish you could talk right back to me and tell me what to do. I try to keep my feelings inside, but is that what you would do?

Daddy, Daddy, Why did you go? How could you do this to me, you left me alone? The day you told me the bad news, I did not know how to react. I was scared and frightened, did not know what to do. Now I knew that some day you would be gone, But it didn't hit me 'till that very night. It is like my world is gone. It is like my heart is broken into pieces, It's like my life ended, the day you left me. Daddy, Daddy, when I visit your grave, I can't bear my eyes. Just picturing you lying there so peacefully. You are my guardian angel, Why did God take you? Did he need you more that I? I need you here, but I know that can't happen, But some day in the future we will reunite. Daddy, Daddy I remember the last time you told me you loved me, I did not care. I thought we would be together, until the end. I now realize all those special moments. You left me alone, with people to take care of. Did you realize I was only 13? That is a big responsibility. Daddy, Daddy Why did you go? You left me forever, I'll still love you, though.

know I have to let you go. How I will I do not know. I know that it's your time to die. What I don't know is how to say goodbye. I'll miss you so much I don't know what to do. I guess I'll just end this poem with a goodbye and an I love you.

I THOUGHT OF YOU WITH LOVE TODAY BUT THAT'S NOTHING NEW. I THOUGHT OF YOU YESTERDAY AND THE DAY BEFORE THAT TOO. I OFTEN SPEAK OF YOUR NAME. NOW ALL I HAVE ARE THE MEMORIES AND A PICTURE IN A FRAME. YOUR MEMORY IS MY KEEPSAKE WITH WHICH I'LL NEVER PART. GOD HAS YOU IN HIS KEEPING AND I HAVE YOU IN MY HEART.

About me and my dad Me and my dad never really got o see each other. I just started to see him when i was 13 and then i lost contact with him again after that. Then i just started to see him again when i was 15 and i really kind of got close to him i felt like he was really my father unlike the other times when i basicually did not know him at all. I had a few pictures o him here and there. in march 2006 my father pulled and inccadent with guns and wanting to kill us though i dont think he was alll there.My father could not see us for a long time it is still 2006 but the thing is i would cry all the time not in front of people but alone unless it was with my sister kassii.. i really missed and wanted my father. we called him one day we werent alowed to becuase of the protection order and told him how i missed and loved him and i think that was the first time i had actaully told him i loved him. In september a huge thing happend and we where all torn appart. on september 22,2006 my dad had gotten in to a fight with his girlfriend and shot himself in the head. I was heart broken to find out i couldnt even breath i was crying so hard i had now known that i would never have a father again.. well i would but not here with me. If i had one wish i would take back time. I cry myself to sleep everynight about him unless i am sleeping with someone.. but then i still dream of him. every where i go i think i see him or smell him but he is not hear and i know that. When i went to his funeral open casket i couldnt even look at him at first i was secound to look at him i was standing behind my sister and i looked over she kissed him on his forehead and i basicaully fell to my knees crying i could not believe it was him. later on i went up to pay my respects to my father i slowely made my way up and kissed him and held his hand and told him how much i loved him and missed him and that i knew he was in a better place now. He was so cold and stiff. I could see where they tryed to cover up the whole on the side of his head. Well im goig to stop talking about this for right now. So all i want to meet is my father once more.

I finually found my true love the one iw ant ot spend each and everyday with till i die then i will still haunt him lol.. ♥I love Derrick R.Webb for ever.♥ ♥jamie