it was totally horrible. i would ultra-cycle between deathly sad and mildly happy like 5-6 times/hour. i returned to work--1/2 day the last 3 days of last week and a full day today. most think i was on vacation or on the road or something-only my very closest colleagues know where i really was--i so don't want to be stigmatized or something.
i can't lose anybody--that's so vital. i need to hurt myself so bad so from my pain maybe all i seem to have hurt will feel good again--but i refrain in fear of ending up in D4 again.
my soul is now so fragile-and tormented-and so easily bruised--not sure if i will ever be better
love ya's lots
