lollipop princess juggalette gone wicked's blog: "My Blogs --random stuff"

Giving head massages the jaw....while burning 32 calories. 

Swallowing foreign body juices is actually like taking vitamins and it whitens your teeth 

The American Dental Association says that semen cuts plaque better than mouth wash, so suck a dick and save a smile. 

Having nice sex burns 358 calories. 

Having rough sex [make it hurt] burns 543 calories. 

Take off her clothes 
with her consent.........................12 cal 
without......................187 cal 

Take off her Bra 
With two hands..........................8 cal 
With one hand.........................12 cal 
With mouth.............................85 cal 

Put on Protection 
hard ........................... 6 cal 
soft..........................315 cal 

Foreplay 
Looking for target...................8 cal 
Finding G spot ......................92 cal 
I don't F***ing care.....................0 cal 

Entry 
Holding her..................12 cal 
On the floor.................8 cal 

With Different Position 
Missionary..........................358 cal 
Doggy...........................316 cal 
69 lying...............................286 cal 
69 standing.............................512 cal 
Italian hanger.........................912 cal 

Orgasm 
Real................................112 cal 
Faking................................315 cal 

After "O" 
Lying in Bed............................18 cal 
Hop off the bed............................36 cal 
Wondering why she left pissed off...........816 cal 

Get dressed 
Quiet and calm...........................32 cal 
Rushing.........................98 cal 
Heard her boyfriend opening the door.............1218 cal 
Heard her dad at the door.............1942 cal 
Her mom walking in..............................Priceless!!!LOL 

...a laugh leads to a high 5


...a high 5 leads to a hug


...a hug leads to a kiss


...a kiss leads 2 makeout


...a makeout leads 2 finger


...a finger leads to a hand


...a hand leads to a lick


...a lick leads to a suck


...a suck leads 2 a fuck.


...So tell me how many people are you gonna smile at after you heard this cuz sex is like math.


...u add the bed


...subtract the clothes


...divide the legs


...leave your solution


...and pray you dont multiply

If you only have one eye...are you blinking or winking?

If you have a gun and you ask, "can I ask you a question?" and they say "fire away" should you shoot them?

What is a chickpea if it is neither a chick nor a pea?

Why is it called the People's Republic Of China when China's not a republic?

Why are dandelions considered weeds when daisies are considered flowers?

Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?

Whenever an adult is kidnapped why isn't it called adultnapped??

Why do blacklights look purple?

Did Yankee Doodle name the feather, hat, town, or his pony Macaroni?

Why is it that people duck in the rain, do they really think the rain won't hit them?

How come the Bible is the most stolen book, and one of the ten comandments is "thou shall not steal"?

Why isn't the caps lock capitalized?

If there's a hole straight through the earth, from the south pole to the north pole, and you jump through it what would happen?

would you keep falling forever, or fall back down when you get to the middle, or is it physically impossible?

If someone with a nostril ring takes it out, then blows their nose, do they have to cover that hole as well as their nostril holes so that snot does'nt blow out everywere?

Isn't it weird that if you rearange the word "teacher" you get "cheater"?

How come whenever you start to sing, you automatically sing in a higher voice than you talk?

How come people say they ate the last piece of gum, when they really just chew it?

If a pope goes to the bathroom, is it considered holy crap?

You know the saying "throw ya hands in the air like ya don't care"? why bother doing that if you dont care?

Why is there no pine or apple in pineapple?

If "Fantasy Island" really granted wishes, why wasn't Tattoo 6'6" ?

Why do water bottles have a "best if used by" date?

If you called the police station to talk to an officer and he was not there, would that be considered a cop out?

Why do they put holes in crackers?

How come on TV the bell always rings and then the kids go to class, but in real life you need to be in class before the bell rings?

Why can the saying "it's all downhill from here." mean both that it will be easy and that it is going to get worse?

If all of ACME's products backfire, why does Wile E. Coyote keep buying them?

Why do "cool" and "hot" mean the same thing?

If you sneeze and fart at the same time, does a vacuum form in your stomach?

Why does triangularly cut bread taste better than square bread?

Does a baby feel the umbilical cord being cut off?

Is it legal to name your kid "Anonymous"?

Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

If you have a pet with 2 heads do you have to name both heads? Why can't liquor freeze?

If you dig a hole in the south pole are you digging up or down?

How come they don't add the time that we are in our mom's to our age?

Why do people squint their eyes when they can't see?  Wouldn't that just make it less space to see out of?

What is a hacky, and why is it in a sack?

Who was in the kitchen with Dina?

Why do we have to pay a toll on "freeways"?

Why do they call them pepperoni if there is no pepper in it?

How old does something have to be to become an antique?

Can a school teacher give a homeless child homework?

Why do they say "an alarm going off," if it is really going on?

Do babies produce more spit than adults?

How come French fries are not considered a vegetable, they are just deep fried potatoes?

Do cows have calf muscles?

Why is shampoo clear but conditioner not?

If conjoined twins participate in sports, do they count as one or two players?

If a singer sings their own song during a karaoke party, is it considered karaoke?

Why do mattresses have designs on them when they're always covered with sheets?

If you died with braces on would they take them off?

If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot?

Can someone have their head in the clouds and be down-to-earth at the same time?

Why is Joey short for Joe, when Joey has more letters?

If you were a pastor, and you were getting married, would you hire a pastor, or would you do the wedding yourself?

Is there a certain temperature at which it stops being qualified as cold?

At what temperature does it qualify as hot?

Why is most lunchmeat bigger than the bread?

Why is it that whenever you sing to the radio, your voice is higher? Even when you have a low voice?

How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple, when real hippos are brown?

Have ex-punsters been expunged?  Have ex-mathematicians become dysfunctional?  Have ex-locomotive engineers been derailed? Have ex-civil lawyers been distorted?  Have ex-bankers become disinterested?

Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting out of the water?

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?

Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?

Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?

Don't you have to get up to get to the tape?

Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

Why is Mickey Mouse bigger than his dog Pluto?

Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?

Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Why is it when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open it's not adoor?

Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?

Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?

Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?

Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after?

Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the car-pool lane?

If a man alone in the woods said something would a woman still say he was wrong?

Can Bald people have Hairline fractures?

What's the difference between a novel and a book?

How old are you before it can be said you died of old age?

If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?

If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?

If you have a cold hot pocket, is it just a pocket?

If humans evolved from monkey's/apes, why are they still here?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why is the show called unsolved mysteries? if they were solved they wouldn't be mysteries.

Do penguins have knees?

 How come people tell you not to stand in front of an emergency exit when if there was an emergency surely you would run through it?

Why did Sally sell seashells on the seashore when you can just pick them up anyway?

In libraries, do they put the bible in the fiction or non-fiction section?

Why are both of Spongebob's parents round like sea sponges while he is square like a kitchen sponge?

Does a two-humped camel store more water than a one-humped camel?

If you pamper a cow, do you get spoiled milk?

Why is it that if someone yells "duck" they are helping you, but if they yell "chicken" they are insulting you?

If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?

If they have angel food cake on earth, do they have people food cake in heaven?

Do they call a fortune teller who cant see a "blind seer"?

Why do you put two cents in when its only a penny for your thoughts?

You know the signs on restaurant doors? No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service? what if someone goes in with No Pants? Would the restaurant still have to serve them?

If an African elephant comes to America, is it an African-American elephant?

Why doesn't flavored gum turn your mouth that color?

If a doctor suddenly died while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?

Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull our little ones to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle to the ground?

Why do we say we're head over heels when we're happy? Isn't that the way we normally are?

If the Wicked Witch of the West melts in water... how did she ever bathe?

If bald people work as chefs in a restaurant,do they have to wear hairnets?

Why do sleeping pills have warning labels that state :'Caution: May Cause Drowsiness?

Do nudists have pin-ups of people with clothes on?

How can Darth Vader breathe and talk at the same time?

If there's a wheelchair-bound comedian, is it still called "stand-up"?

When the French swear do they say pardon my English?

Do people who use sign language see little hands in their head when they think about what somebody said, or do they hear the words in their head?

How did Walt Disney figure out how to make people pay to stand in lines all day?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

 Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they call someone "late" if they died early?

At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?

If you are asked to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and your the main witness, what if you say "no"?

Do Jewish vampires avoid crosses or Stars of David?

Are children who use sign language allowed to talk with their mouth full?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Can you cry under water?

Can you still say "Put it where the sun don't shine " on a nude beach?

What does PU stand for (as in "PU, that stinks!")?

If parents say, "Never take candy from strangers" then why do we celebrate Halloween?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

He met you.
He got your number.
He started talking to you.
He got to know you.
He became your friend.
He started to like you.
He loved talking to you.
He started to chase you.
He wanted to spend time with you.
He started missing you.
He made you fall.
He wanted you.
He got it in with you.
He became more than a friend.
He finally got you.
He fell in love with you.
He couldn't stopped talking to you.
He loved being around you.
He started acting different.
He seemed more distant.
He started to ignore you.
He got bored.
He stopped showing he cared.
He left.
You still miss him...

Thy Carnivals Prayer:

Our Father of Shangri-La
Hallowed be thy name
If the world turns over save me
From thy fiery rain
Keep me pure
Keep me clean
As the lotus grows
I ask you for forgiveness
Save me from the crows

Juggalo be thy name, Hatchets be thy game, fuck with one, you fuck with all, we never travel alone and are always ready for anything, so be wise and just pass us by and don't say we shine, we are creatures of the night and will always be there when a fellow Juggalo needs us, we stand by the Dark Carnival and all it teaches, so for all Juggalos and Juggalettes, stand firm and always be ready.

The Juggalo Pledge:
I Pledge Allegiance To The Hatchet Of The Underground Society Of Juggalos, And For The Ninjas For Which It Stands, One Family, Under God, Full Of Freaks, With Faygo And Magic Neden For All!!

WE WILL NEVER DIE ALONE, JUGGALOS WILL CARRY ON, SWING OUR HATCHETS IF WE MUST, EACH AND EVERYONE OF US

When I die, show no pitty, send my soul to Juggalo city, dig my grave six feet deep, put two matches by my feet, put two hatchets on my chest and tell my homies I did my best.

Pass this on if your down with the Clown WHOOP WHOOP!!!

AMERICAN SCHOOLS -- 1957 vs. 2011

Scenario 1: 
Jack goes quail hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck's gun rack. 
1957 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack. 
2012- School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counsellors called in for
traumatized students and teachers. 

Scenario 2: 
Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school. 
1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies. 
2012 - Police called and SWAT team arrives -- they arrest both Johnny and Mark. 
They are both charged them with assault and both expelled even though Johnny started it. 

Scenario 3: 
Jeffrey will not be still in class, he disrupts other students. 
1957 - Jeffrey sent to the Principal's office and given a good paddling by the Principal. 
He then returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again. 
2012 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. He becomes a zombie. He is then tested for ADD. 
The family gets extra money (SSI) from the government because Jeffrey has a disability. 

Scenario 4: 
Billy breaks a window in his neighbour's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt. 
1957 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman. 
2012 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. 
The state psychologist is told by Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison.
Billy's mom has an affair with the psychologist. 

Scenario 5: 
Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.. 
1957 - Mark shares his aspirin with the Principal out on the smoking dock 
2012 - The police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. His car is then searched for drugs and weapons. 

Scenario 6: 
Pedro fails high school English. 
1957 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and goes to college. 
2012 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English
as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against the state school system and Pedro's English teacher.
English is then banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns
for a living because he cannot speak English. 

Scenario 7: 
Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the Fourth of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up a red ant bed. 
1957 - Ants die. 
2012 - ATF, Homeland Security and the FBI are all called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism.
The FBI investigates his parents -- and all siblings are removed from their home and all computers are confiscated.
Johnny's dad is placed on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again. 

Scenario 8: 
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him. 
1957 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing. 
2012 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. 
(Hardly seems worth it.) 

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. 
(Now that's more like it!) 

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. 
(Awesome!) 

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. 
(In my next life, I want to be a pig... LUCKY FUCKIN PIG!!) 


A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. 
(Creepy.) 
(I'm still not over the pig.) 

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour 
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work) 

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. 
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?!) 

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. 
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?) 

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. 
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?) 

Some lions mate over 50 times a day. 
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity) 

Butterflies taste with their feet. 
(Something I always wanted to know.) 

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.(Hmmmmmm.....) 

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. 
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?) 

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. 
(Okay, so that would be a good thing) 

A cat's urine glows under a black light. 
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?) 

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. 
(I know some people like that.) 

Starfish have no brains 
(I know some people like that too.) 

Polar bears are left-handed. 
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer) 

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. 
(What about that pig??)

>>Crucial Safety Tips
>>Because of recent abductions
>>
>>in daylight hours,refresh yourself
>>
>>Of these things to do
>>
>>in an emergency situation...
>>
>>This is for you,
>>
>>And for you to share
>>
>>with your wife,
>>
>>your children,
>>
>>everyone you know.
>>
>>After reading these 9 crucial tips,
>>
>>forward them to someone you care about.
>>
>>It never hurts to be careful
>>
>>in this crazy world we live in.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do:
>>
>>The elbow
>>
>>is the strongest point
>>
>>on your body.
>>
>>If you are close enough to use it,
>>
>>do!
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>2. Learned this from a tourist guide
>>
>>in New Orleans.
>>
>>If a robber asks
>>
>>for your wallet and/or purse,
>>
>>DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM.
>>
>>Toss it away from you....
>>
>>chances are
>>
>>that he is more interested
>>
>>in your wallet and/or purse
>>
>>than you,
>>
>>and he will go
>>
>>for the wallet/purse.
>>
>>RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>3. If you are ever thrown
>>
>>into the trunk of a car,
>>
>>kick out the back tail lights
>>
>>and stick your arm out the hole
>>
>>and start waving like crazy.
>>
>>The driver won't see you,
>>
>>  but everybody else will.
>>
>>This has saved lives.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>4. Women have a tendency
>>
>>to get into their cars after shopping,
>>
>>eating, working, etc.,
>>
>>and just sit (doing their checkbook,
>>
>>or making a list, etc.
>>
>>DON'T DO THIS!)
>>
>>The predator
>>
>>will be watching you,
>>
>>  and this is the perfect opportunity
>>
>>for him to get in
>>
>>on the passenger side,
>>
>>  put a gun to your head,
>>
>>and tell you where to go.
>>
>>AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR,
>>
>>LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.
>>
>>a. If someone
>>
>>is in the car
>>
>>  with a gun
>>
>>to your head
>>
>>  DO NOT DRIVE OFF,
>>
>>repeat:
>>
>>DO NOT DRIVE OFF!
>>
>>  Instead gun the engine
>>
>>and speed into anything,
>>
>>wrecking the car.
>>
>>  Your Air Bag will save you.
>>
>>  If the person is
>>
>>in the back seat
>>
>>  they will get the worst of it.
>>
>>  As soon as the car crashes
>>
>>bail out and run.
>>
>>  It is better than having them
>>
>>find your body
>>
>>in a remote location.
>>
>>5. A few notes about getting
>>
>>into your car in a parking lot,
>>
>>  or parking garage:
>>
>>
>>A.) Be aware:
>>
>>look around you,
>>
>>look into your car,
>>
>>at the passenger side floor,
>>
>>and in the back seat
>>
>>
>>B..) If you are parked next to a big van,
>>
>>  enter your car from the passenger door.
>>
>>  Most serial killers attack their victims
>>
>>  by pulling them into their vans
>>
>>while the women are attempting
>>
>>to get into their cars.
>>
>>
>>C..) Look at the car
>>
>>parked on the driver's side
>>
>>  of your vehicle,
>>
>>and the passenger side.
>>
>>If a male is sitting alone
>>
>>in the seat nearest your car,
>>
>>you may want to walk back
>>
>>into the mall, or work,
>>
>>and get a guard/policeman
>>
>>  to walk you back out.
>>
>>
>>
>>IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than
>>dead.)
>>
>>
>>6. ALWAYS
>>
>>  take the elevator
>>
>>  instead of the stairs.
>>
>>(Stairwells are horrible places
>>
>>to be alone
>>
>>and the perfect crime spot.
>>
>>This is especially true at NIGHT!)
>>
>>7. If the predator has a gun
>>
>>and you are not under his control,
>>
>>ALWAYS RUN!
>>
>>  The predator will only hit you
>>
>>(a running target)
>>
>>4 in 100 times;
>>
>>  And even then,
>>
>>  it most likely
>>
>>WILL NOT
>>
>>be a vital organ.
>>
>>  RUN,
>>
>>Preferably !
>>
>>  in a zig -zag pattern!
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>8. As women,
>>
>>we are always trying
>>
>>  to be sympathetic:
>>
>>STOP.
>>
>>It may get you raped,
>>
>>  or killed.
>>
>>Ted Bundy,
>>
>>  the serial killer,
>>
>>  was a good-looking,
>>
>>well educated man,
>>
>>who ALWAYS played
>>
>>on the sympathies
>>
>>of unsuspecting women.
>>
>>He walked with a cane,
>>
>>or a limp,
>>
>>  and often asked
>>
>>"for help"
>>
>>into his vehicle
>>
>>or with his vehicle,
>>
>>which is when he abducted
>>
>>his next victim.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>************* Here it is *******
>>
>>9. Another Safety Point:
>>
>>  Someone just told me
>>
>>that her friend heard
>>
>>a crying baby on her porch
>>
>>the night before last,
>>
>>and she called the police
>>
>>because it was late
>>
>>and she thought it was weird.
>>
>>  The police told her
>>
>>"Whatever you do,
>>
>>  DO NOT
>>
>>open the door."
>>
>>
>>
>>The lady
>>
>>  then said that
>>
>>it sounded like the baby
>>
>>had crawled near a window,
>>
>>  and she was worried
>>
>>that it would crawl
>>
>>to the street
>>
>>  and get run over.
>>
>>The policeman said,
>>
>>  "We already have a unit on the way,
>>
>>  whatever you do,
>>
>>  DO NOT open the door."
>>
>>  He told her that they think
>>
>>a serial killer
>>
>>has a baby's cry recorded
>>
>>and uses it to coax
>>
>>women out of their homes
>>
>>  thinking that someone
>>
>>dropped off a baby
>>
>>He said they have not verified it,
>>
>>but have had several calls
>>
>>by women saying that
>>
>>they hear baby's cries
>>
>>outside their doors
>>
>>  when they're home alone
>>
>>  at night.
>>
>>Please pass this on and
>>
>>DO NOT
>>
>>open the door
>>
>>for a crying baby ----
>>
>>This
>>
>>e-mail should probably
>>
>>be taken seriously because
>>
>>  the Crying Baby theory
>>
>>was mentioned on
>>
>>America's Most Wanted
>>
>>this past Saturday
>>
>>when they profiled
>>
>>the serial killer in Louisiana.
>>
>>
>>I'd like you
>>
>>to forward this
>>
>>to all the women you know.
>>
>>  It may save a life.
>>
>>A candle is not dimmed
>>
>>by lighting another candle.
>>
>>I was going to send this to the ladies only,
>>
>>but guys,
>>
>>if you love your mothers,
>>
>>wives,
>>
>>sisters,
>>
>>  daughters, etc.,
>>
>>you may want to
>>
>>pass it onto them, as well.
>>
>>Send this
>>
>>  to any woman you know
>>
>>that may need
>>
>>to be reminded
>>
>>that the world we live in
>>
>>has a lot of crazies in it
>>
>>and it's better to be safe
>>
>>than sorry.