Her name was rose,She'd Been in The same chair everyday for the past 6 months,To see her husband, I think his name was henry.She Always was up there everyday to visit her husband for 10 min every hour,for 8 hours a day.
She was so happy.I wasnt.For the week That we shared a FAMILY ROOM,I wasnt happy at all,As I sat there 7.5 months pregnant,Knowing that I was losing my dad, I wasnt happy.
Let's back track a bit,A week BEFORE,I was on my dad's computer,He was leaving for work,He came up to me said good bye,Said goodbye To my "belly" Kissed my Daughter jolee on the head and said..My sweet baby I love you,She was sleeping on the couch.He Said ,Well Tell your mother I'll see her tomorrow.
I said ok Dad He said Bye!I wish now that I would have asked him to run uptown and get me something just so I could have seen him 1 more time.The next time I saw him He was strapped to a bed Being hauled into the hospital,I collapsed.That was my daddy.The doctors said He wasnt responding.That he was dying.I couldnt handle it. I looked around the room at the red faces Of my Aunts , a uncle My grandma ,my mother my sister and Last locked eyes with my husband.He was looking at me like I have never seen before.He was scared.SCARED for me.
I went into the hallway of the emergency room trying to put together what I just heard when the doctor came running out...He's responding! He gave us the thumbs up!I was so happy. I went into the little curtian area to see him. I held his hand He squeezed mine to tell me he knew I was there but didnt open his eyes.
They took him Right away up to surgury to put a shunt in.We sat on that floor of the Opertating room,Waiting for it to be done.He was moved to ICU.I slept on the hardest couch in the world with my 2 year old on my lap and the baby inside me kicking.I cried.
Everyday for the week we were in there Rose came,She talked to me about keeping up my hope.I had little. I cried ,so many times that week.
My dads nurse came every day into the waiting room and took my blood pressure.Everyone was worried about me and all I wanted was my daddy.
Before I went home to shower once midweek ( we were a hour from the hospital so ended up staying up there 99% of the time) I went in to see my dad. The nurse was doing something to him ..He opened his eyes Then squeezed my hand.I Held his hand and Said about as many swear words to him as possible. I remember saying " You fucking asshole,your being selfish you wake the fuck up you son of a bitch and come back to me!"
I kissed his hand..Looked at him.Walked out the door.My husband drove me the hour home to shower,Clean up and Get some real food in my stomache ..Everything I ate I threw up. We made it back up to the hospital..Everyone was up there.His brother,All my aunts and uncles there was about 93 of us in the family waiting room to all see dad.Everyone got there turn. I waited till everyone left to go into mine.My pastor came up,He went in to see my dad.After everyone was gone and I went in.That night He had ANOTHER stroke.
I remember hearing the words BRAIN DEAD, I cried till I couldnt handle it. I couldnt breathe The nurse came in Took my blood pressure again..and made me lay down.We took him off Life support that night.2 days later , at 1am I woke up.My heart hurt.About 15 min later my husband came in Told me he was gone.I lost my daddy.I didn't know what to do. It made me feel like a scared little 4 year old , lost at the mall.
I didn't know where I was or what was going on.
After they took him off life support for those two days I couldnt bear to go in there, I couldnt handle WATCHING him die.My husband and my sister were in there When he died.He said..He coughed a little bit then flat linned ,AS I am right this now Between the Tears streaming down and floods of memories comming back It's hard to deal.
Again I am pregnant,Just as I was 2 years ago this week,Early on in my pregnancy,I found out I am due on His birthday, and found out just a few short weeks before the anniversary of his death.I think things happen for a reason.I hope this is my dad's way of telling me he's still around.
I miss him everyday,I saw my dad's brother today for a short time. I couldnt hold back the tears He looks so much like him and acts just like him too,It hurts to be around him.
Well The point of this Long long blog was just for me to vent my feelings and , Well, Just Live for your loved ones.
Please,You never Know when you are not going to have them around.I never thought I'd lose my dad at 54 years of age.
To my dad::
Daddy,You taught me to love life.Love music,Love my kids,You taught me scarcasim,How to swear,And How to get out of cleaning house.You are one of the Best people in my life I have ever met.I hope that you are happy where you are,I hope you can watch over us,and Know that I loved you so much.
I'll see you eventualy,Save a spot for me.
¢¾ Love you dad,even if you are a bastard :)!
So As ALL of you know, I am pregnant.I decided to start adding up all the stuff we will need for the baby.
Karma hit, 4 months ago,We had a yard sale.Got rid of ALL baby stuff thinking .No more kids!!! Got rid of 15-20 totes FULL of baby clothes,The crib the swing,EVERYTHING we had it all.Got so much from grandparents aunts and uncles with the first two.Now we need EVERYTHING for this kid!!! EVERYTHING!
here's the list of stuff we need BEFORE the baby gets here..(good thing we have 7 months!)
This is with OUT the Clothing for the baby :)
Now,Do We need ALL this stuff..NO.Alot of this stuff is to make OUR lives easier :) But it's nie to have a idea to work for eh?
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Baby bath:$30.00
Baby Bedding(just bedding!!)$50.00
Car Seat (change color if a boy which I doubt it will be:) ) $69.00
Mobile::$32.00
Monitor::30.00
New born Bottle Set::25.00
Swing::85.00
Crib::$139.00
TOTAL::460.00
Sad part is this isnt including things like burp rags,Diapers ..baby clothing..maternity clothing for me. hahaha We got rid of it all :)
I am going to start taking weekly Pictures of my belly for the baby book:)
