Amber's blog: "poetry"

There's a tapping on my window seat, a tapping from the outside. the chilling wind blows in, wiping dry my shady tears, which should have left so long ago. i sit here at my window seat, another family in my house, which we built so long ago. Many years have come and gone, and yet i still sit here staring out my window seat. i close my eyes, the old grandfather clock sings, one... two... three... His car pulls into the driveway, four... five... six... the entrance door slams shut, seven... eight... nine... he walks across the room, the same piercing stare on his face. He picks me up from my window seat; across the room i fly. the other family in my house can't see what he will do. it's been sixty years since i could feel the pain, yet it feels like only yesterday. he throws me into the walls over and over, slapping and hitting me again and again. i can feel the warmth of the blood run down my face. across the foom i fly, my head a thump upon my window seat. he walks pass and lights a match. smoke lingers up and falls down, fleeing forward along the ground. the smell of dragon's blood hits my face while i lie in front of my window seat. the cold slowly starts taking me over in front of my beloved window seat. the grandfather clock begins to sing, its face all cracked and shattered, one,,, two... three... alcohol floods the room unto my face, four... five... six... blood all around me, seven... eight... he picks me up to my window seat, nine... ten... that look of sorrow upon his face. i reach for the phone as he grabs it from my hand. another family in my house who do not know we're there. i scream for help and cry aloud, but no one knows... i'm here in my window seat. the horrid thughts run through my mind as i hide my face while he hits me again. there's a cracking from my window seat, a cracking from above. the glass is cracked and chipped, and all coverd with blood. the police have come to get me, yet i sill sit here looking out my window seat. once again the police don't notice me but cover my eyes with black. I sit here at my window seat, another family in my house. the grandfather clock, all cracked and broken, once agin is silent until tomorrow when he comes again. i sit here at my window seat, as the chilling wind wipes dry my shady tears that others forgot so long ago. as i sit here in my window seat, many more years will come and go, yet i will still be sitting here in my beloved window seat.

Smoke lingers up from beside my bed, The scent of dragon's blood fills the air, My head so full of darkness, Spirals me into insanity, The smell so sweet and strong, Brings me to tears, With no recolation of my fears. Smoke fills the room. The scent of dragon's blood hits my face, Wiping dry my shady tears. The darkness in my head turns red. My skin splits open, It's that scent. I taste the red copper from my skin. My head once agin fills with darkness. The taste of blood lingers on my cold lips, As the scent of dragon's blood fills the air.

I have never felt so alone, Never thought I could disappear, From the eyes of those, I assumed cared. I wish I could still run, Run to them, Hide behind them. I wish I had someone to talk to, Someone to share my fears with. When I needed to cry, I hid From the faces I loved and cared for the most. I hid and ignored feelings to hide what i dread most. I have never felt so alone, Never thought I could disappear, From the eyes of those, Who almost cared.

I saw you the other day, All those memories of us. I try so hard not to let show, The feelings you didn't know. The fake smiles I show them, When you can't look at me any more. I can't help myself I need to know, Where did it all go wrong? The memories of what could have been, Haunt my dreams and hide my tears. The laughter, the promises, Every word I held so dear. One thing I need to know, Did you love me so? I saw you the other day, All those memories, Can't hide this pain I feel inside, Or the tears I cry at night. I try so hard not to let show, The feelings you did't know.

You were not only my lover you were my best friend, At least that's what I thought. Looking back on all the things now, I realize that I was never either to you. I must have been crazy to think you cared, I must have been crazy to think you were there. All the little things that hurt me inside, All the little things you did that made me cry. I could have been a star soaring in the sky, At least that's what I thought, Looking back on all the things now, I was never a lover or even a friend. I must have been crazy to think you cared, I must have been crazy to think you were there. All the little things that hurt me inside, All the little things you did that made me cry. You were my everything, My lover, my best friend. Looking back on all the things now, I feel like I was just a play toy to you. I must have been crazy to think you cared, I must have been crazy to think you were there. All the little things that hurt me inside, All the little things you did that made me cry. You were not only my lover you were my best friend, At least that's what I thought. I must have been crazy. Crazy to hurt inside.

Jelousy consumes me and becomes my best friend. You're not worth my tears I try to hide or anything else inside. All though you say that you do, you don't show that you care. I can't do this, i don't wanna feel this jelousy creeping up inside. You're not here, you never want to be. We spend no time together, yet you can with every other. Once i had faith in us, now it seems that i cant trust you and almost grow to hate you. I feel as if my soul is bleeding and pleeding just to get through to you, but i see that you do not care. We can not look at each other, we can not talk, and although i dread and do not want to know it, i know that it's over. It's not over because i say or even want to think it, but because you choose it with every word you do not say, and every action you make. I don't wanna know that it's over but that's the way you choose it to be

I am dead inside, No feelings or emotions to bleed through the pages. My mind full of nothing, Emptiness that can not be filled. Where did it all go? I am dead inside, With a fake laugh and faulted smile, I pretend

In the somber cold, I lay awake. My hear torn, and tears run down my face. Surrounded by the darkness, I though left so long ago. I am torn, between fantasy and reality. The heartbeat just a memory, That made my heart grow sound. Everything torn, ripped at the seams. To die would be the greatest gift, Although I must move on. My soul tired and wiry. My heart torn, and shattered. The somber cold keeps me awake. The sorrow soon just another memory, From the blood and darkness around me. I lie awake in the somber cold. My heart torn, and shattered, While tears run down my face.

This sadness carrying me away, Deeper into my insecurity's. My heart breaking a little more everyday, Torn into complete despair. The only joy in my life, That kept me sane, Is eating me away. This sadness so unbearable, I don't want to go another day. Why take him away, When he's needed here? Sweet sorrow from this heart of mine, Condemn me, Carry me away. Do what you wish, Take me away, Away from this sadness, That's carrying me away. Carrying me deeper into my insecurity's, My heart breaking a little more everyday, Torn into complete despare. Leaving unbearable sadness, Just sadness to remain.

Love can move a mountain, As well as wake the sea. No matter the feelings strength, It's just not ment to be. Though the truth is painful, And unkind, Each other's happiness stands on the line. You may think it's wrong, Or even a painted lie. Though love can move a mountain, As well as wake the sea, We all know these feelings, Are just not ment to be.