TaraSmiles's blog: "Popular Question"

Thanks for your Time ...if u are reading this....Y am I single? is a very popular question so i have decided to Blog it.

Here goes....this is hard  been meaning to update my profile but didnt have the courage 2 wright about it. 

about 8 years ago i found myself in a neer death expierience i was having a hard time at work ....i could not sleep any more (Clinical Insomnia). Started Having Migrains and Heat in my adreanal glandz... was not having normal cycles for about a year didnt know y thought it was stress. I was dating a man and had now idea untill i found myself 4 1/2 mo eptopic preagnancy (in the Tube). I started Cemo to try and save my ability to save my choice. At 5 mo it exploded and i almost died begging my docter 2 save me on the way to er. It was the scariest thing i ever expierienced in my Life ....reading my last rights i pleaded i cant go i cant leave my kids they are not ready please save me........I would like to say that was the end but it was just the beging to a long 8 years. The reason i had all that come to find out was becouse i have Cushings disease. 3 years of er and diagnosis to find out i had 3 tumars one in my Pituitary and in both adreanal glands.my Team at sweadish went after the one in my brain first hoping that would fix and make life better. They took 75% of my pituitary gland along w the tomour leaving me growth Hormone dependent. the cure was injections but unfortunantly i fell into the 1 % who had a acute reverce reaction that collapsed my lungs and messed up my heart(many er trips). I came out of the surgery emotionaly dead no fealing no happy no anger no nuthing 

It has been a ruff 8 Yrs contless times i tried to work and collage till i had to stop ontop of raising 3 kids as a single mom I Hade to pick my Battles and dating was not one off them and i felt i had nuthing but heart ache to offer. My life and My childen is all i could fight for. I believe it will never go away and i must accept but i struggle w that. I have been a strong lady for a long time and i wanted to be an inspiration and be cured. I worked w many people who started on thier jurney w this disease but i grew tired.

I begain isolating and lost myself at times. I closed doors to the medical world i could not be a lab rat it was making me Crazy. i took a break and also left online for about 3 years completly. I am still on a my Journey trying new things and am begining to c myself again .....17 dif meds been off for 8 mo now and ive only had a couple trips.....

I don't want no pitty only love and peace, life is not promissed i know first hand.My higher power is looking out for Me. Me and my poor children are greatful...I am a Brocken Happy Person trying to keep my SMILE and to keep Sharing it.   

God this was so hard to wright but i know truth is were life and peace reside even if it hurts like Hell. I thank u for my Smile ....The Never Ending Story (song) continues .......Love & Live