Matthew Mayhem's blog: "smart ass"

So I've been going to this professional for a while in an effort to take care of this really bothersome issue. Its rather embarrasing that I let it go this long. I've been working on getting this thing removed for a long time..at first by cutting it off myself and then by seeking help through the military and then finally by just paying out the ass to this professional to finally get rid of what was left of it. I've had this kind of tumor before and when that one was removed it cost me a whole lot of money and heartache and almost cost me my sanity. Ironic how that temporary loss of sanity is how I ended up with this tumor. I could spend hours writing about the mistakes and missteps, the faults and fuckups, the constant nausea and even the random abject bewilderment. Fortunately for you the reader I tired of devoting any kind of energy to all that useless, pathetic, worthless crap long ago. I'm just EXTREMELY happy to report that it's fucking over with. Now I'm off to enjoy my day with my beautiful son and soulmate/lifemate/lover/fiancee/goddess (sorry, couldn't pick just one label since not a single one seems adequate) and let the last thoughts of this tedious ordeal fade from my mind.

So...have you ever left something or stepped away from something for so long it all seems brand new when you come back to it? I know I've been negligent in my cherrytap responsibilities and for this I am greatly apologetic. On the flip side of the coin I know its gonna happen again so I guess the regret ain't all that heavy! Anyway, it looks more and more everyday that the Army is done with me and now its time to move on to greener pastures. I've been spending a lot of time working on the next chapter in life and though the path is becoming clearer every day a ton of ambiguity remains. Do I do the secure thing and get a job? Do I go for the gold and put forth all my effort into the MPH/MBA path? Do I figure out some blend of the two and not quite be happy with anything? Do I say fuck it all and open a bar? Ooh, maybe an internet cafe on steroids with blazing fast gaming systems and Ubernachos every night with a dance club upstairs and a glass floor to distract gamer geeks so I can frag em when their looking up drooling on themselves!!!! Tough choices...not necessarily realistic either. There are a few constants though. I know that upon leaving here I will be going to Ohio for at least two years while Amanda gets her degree. Afterward, dependant on a couple factors we will be moving to Albuquerque. From there I'm not sure what the plan is. I'm an expert at planning and making things happen and visualizing all the possibilities and "what ifs" except when it comes to my personal life. Not quite sure why but it is what it is. Honestly I'm not even sure thats the problem. I think I would be much better at this if I had a decent timeline. As it stands I may be out of a job any time between May and August. Thats a pretty damn broad timeline. I'm not sure whether to kick myself in the ass to hurry the hell up or tell myself to stop my damn worrying. I guess thats where I should probably be focusing my efforts. I'm gonna have to play the "what happens if" game, find some commonalities and start working on those things that will be constant no matter when I get the boot. Will update soon..maybe.

OK so to the fucking point...I'm a real smart ass. I give the people I like a lot of shit and enjoy a good laugh. I don't do it to make myself feel better or to put people down, thats just not me. I do it cause I don't take a lot of things very seriously and well, cause thats just me. Those that know me know that I do it to myself as much if not more than I do to anyone else. If anyone out there wants to get offended at what I say I will take this one time to tell you I'm sorry and that I did not mean to offend you. With that said; from here on in I will laugh at your oversensitive silly ass for getting your panties in a bunch over this shit!!