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Today i woke up... thats alwayz a good sign.
why is it that fat ugly dudes seem to think hot chicks r more likely to talk to them on the internet?
i gotta say. just cause there are more sexy chicks these dayz doesnt mean we get to up our standards even furthe dudes for real if she looks good, and plays nice, cash in b4 u crap out man for real! ur not gods gift to women...... i am... THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!
haha yeah riiiight. there ladies, i said it for u.
just so u know... obama sucks... just thought id clear that up.
did u hear the one about the chicken nuggit and the tampon?... me neither. sounds like a real riot tho dont it?
i ate a browny once that made me high. they said it had hash in it... to this day i wont touch hash browns, corn beef and hash, if it sayz hash! fuck it! i gained 10 pounds off those brownies!
if u try to hard to pronounce marlboro it WILL drive u nuts! you know what will piss you off... waiting for someone to "im" you back... you ever thought about that? i be like," BITCH its called 'instant' messages!" its supposed to happen "instantly" fast, easy, like talking. if you gonna take ten fuckin minutes to hit me back just send a regular old message then shit. ill go grab a drink, catch an episode of reba or something i got shit to do!
red bull gives you wings... shit when it first came out the only thing it gave you was a coke benge. it had actual cokain in it. man how the fuck you supposed to explain that shit to your probation officer? " But it gives me wings man!" go to rehab and shit like... " Im kaleb"..."HI kaleb"..."and it has been three days sence my last energy drink." *clap*clap*clap* " i gotta think about the kids!"
why the fuk do ppl say text phraises out lound in a conversation? "I'LL BRB TTYL." how lazy can you get that your really actually stressing those other 18 letters. i love beer. just thought id throw that in there. at my job they tell us no smoking on the propperty. yet they put not one but two ashtrays by the front door. why? so now we gotta put it out over here and then pick it back up and walk fifteen fukn feet that way to put it in the ashtray... fuck that ima stand at the edge and fire fly that bitch in there and hope it makes it.
just sayn chick freinds are way cooler than dude freinds cause they can hangout and hav fun just like a dude but THEY hav BOOBS!
im just sayn if u dont do the dew i dont know how u can call urself an american!
im just sayn if im datin a chick she dont want me to drink without her cause as long as i hav a penis im gonna flirt when im drunk!
im just sayn women that where tight jeans that make their ass look like it was sculpted from marble hav no right getting mad when i stare... same thing for tight shirts.
im just sayn thank u to all women cause yall rock! u put up with alot of shit and dont get enough recognition for it so thank you
Im just sayin, there are two things i hate in this world and three of them are are related to me.
im just sayin two plus two equals four... so its saficsive to say in the respect that object a plus object will inevidablely equal object c, that beer plus liquer simply have to equal a bitchin night!
im just sayin, we fuckin SHOT osama in the FACE and dumped his lifeless body in the OCEAN!!! i decree that the american flag should from this day forward, show a picture of lady liberty flying the american fingure to all the other countries... no offence to those who reside in other countries, just to say. DO NOT FUCK WITH THE U. S. OF FUNKIN A!... and can i get hot tub!
im just sayin, i have ten fingures and ten toes... so the moment i turned twenty, one, i relized i couldn't show ppl how old i was anymore, without getting arrested for indecent exposure... the hard way
When some one walks up to me and says "hi!" i say "like hell i am!" .... is that a bad thing?
So osama got shot in the face... now what are we gonna do about the terrorist running our country?
a wise man once said..."IIIiilll drinky beerrrr if n when how much i pleases!"......... no wait.... i said that.... sorry i fucked that one up
when i hear some one say yieghermighster {i just know i spelled that wrong} i think of a cough drop, strapped to a small chunk of c4... I feel like thats a fairly accurate analligy
When i bite into a york pepperment patty, i get the sensation.... that this is just a cold pepperment... man what do i have to do oo oo for a fuckin klondike bar!
i think the spokes person for Slim Jims should be a woman... cause guys buy it the most and the spokes person says, and i quote, "Eat me!" not quite as appealing from a guy...
i wish i could fly... so that i could go to the top of a really tall building and threatin to jump... and when every one was gatherred arround... i would jump, only right befor i hit the ground id stop... and fly backwards to the top and say..... "TA DAAAA!"
i run for excersize now this is a true story here... i was running the other day and i'll run the first 1.5 miles to the first stop sign (i realize you dont know where i live but bare with me) and walk for a sec to catch my breath befor a make another stretch. well i wasn't thinking about the situation but when i rounded the courner walking and took off again i was passing a cop... yeah... see where this is going... now im listenning to music on my mp3 so loud i cant hear this cop calling out to me so next thing i know... i'm eating dirt with a fat ass on top of me.... long story short he asked me why i ran and i couldn't resist, i mean it was too perfect... my reply, "I just like runnin!" in my best forrest gump impersonation. hahahaha funniest part... the cop laughed harder than i did. we're good freinds now but i though id tell yall bout that one it was priceless
I would like to ask you a question...unfortunately i have forgotten that question... so instead i shall tell you a story...
Once upon a time, there was this dude... i mean he was cool too... he was like "fuck wid it!" and he had this dog... and HE was like "sup bitchez!" ... im not really sure which way i was goin with this but i thought you should know... Man if i had a quarter for every time i heard a girl tell me i was awesome... idk i might have enough for a pack of gum by now! i smoke... someone once told me i should quit... it was my old boss... im not sure he really thought that through. for the ppl who dont think as fast as other ppl i"ll give you a sec. to get that last joke.... ok you get it... see its funny huh?... yeah i cant hear you though, i thought i should let you know that on account of the fact that your slow and would take forever to understand that on your own... anywa... huh? whats that? OH! un- der-stand... its a word... oh forget it, where was i?... blood hounds just look like their retarted dont they? i mean even their purpose is stupid... they hunt down a delicious helpless wild animal for you, let you kill it, clean it, cook it, and eat it so they can go back ol' roy... FUUUCK THAAAT! fix me a plate asshole i found that shit for you! i followed ass sent for a quarter mile to get you that shit! why do they call it "flying" a flag? its teatherred to a pole... they dont fly the kidnergardenners at recses do they? when does it become appropriat to YELL the frase " BE QUIET"? that one baffels me to no end... huh?... oh! baf-fels... why are you still reading this blog!?
NUMBER ONE!... Fuckin carma... she never does anything for me but fuck my day up.
number two... obama! what the fuck man for real?
number three... Nacho flavor corn chips... its a corn chip... flavored to taste like... another corn chip!
number four... tic tacs... sometimes i just want my breath to say "FUCK OFF!" you know
number five... thumbs... i dont really know why but they piss me off.
number six... the number six... its fuckin with my head man... if you flip it over its the number nine! i dont know what im fuckin lookin at man!!!
number seven... movies with no piont... dude i swear to god i feel myself sinking into an unavoidable pit of stupidity every time i have to watch one.
number ate... anyone better than me... soooo nobody really
number nine... shit! six just rolled over quik! dont look at it!
number ten... blogs
