DUSTYSCOUT69's blog: "TERRY'S THINGS"

GRANDMA'S HANDS Grandma, some ninety plus years, sat feebly on the patio bench. She didn't move, just sat with her head down staring at her hands. When I sat down beside her she didn't acknowledge my presence and the longer I sat I wondered if she was OK. Finally, not really wanting to disturb her but wanting to check on her at the same time, I asked her if she was OK. She raised her head and looked at me and smiled. "Yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking," she said in a clear voice strong. "I didn't mean to disturb you, grandma, but you were just sitting here staring at your hands and I wanted to make sure you were OK," I explained to her. "Have you ever looked at your hands," she asked. "I mean really looked at your hands?" I slowly opened my hands and stared down at them. I turned them over, palms up and then palms down. No, I guess I had never really looked at my hands as I tried to figure out the point she was making. Grandma smiled and related this story: "Stop and think for a moment about the hands you have, how they have served you well throughout your years. These hands, though wrinkled, shriveled and weak have been the tools I have used all my life to reach out and grab and embrace life. "They braced and caught my fall when as a toddler I crashed upon the floor. They put food in my mouth and clothes on my back. As a child my mother taught me to fold them in prayer. They tied my shoes and pulled on my boots. They held my husband and wiped my tears when he went off to war. "They have been dirty, scraped and raw, swollen and bent. They were uneasy and clumsy when I tried to hold my newborn son. Decorated with my wedding band they showed the world that I was married and loved someone special. They wrote my letters to him and trembled and shook when I buried my parents and spouse. "They have held my children and grandchildren, consoled neighbors, and shook in fists of anger when I didn't understand. "They have covered my face, combed my hair, and washed and cleansed the rest of my body. They have been sticky and wet, bent and broken, dried and raw. And to this day when not much of anything else of me works real well these hands hold me up, lay me down, and again continue to fold in prayer. "These hands are the mark of where I've been and the ruggedness of life. But more importantly it will be these hands that God will reach out and take when he leads me home. And with my hands He will lift me to His side and there I will use these hands to touch the face of Christ." I will never look at my hands the same again. But I remember God reached out and took my grandma's hands and led her home. When my hands are hurt or sore or when I stroke the face of my children and husband I think of grandma. I know she has been stroked and caressed and held by the hands of God. I, too, want to touch the face of God and feel His hands upon my face. When you receive this, say a prayer for the person who sent it to you and watch God's answer to prayer work in your life. Let's continue praying for one another. Passing this on to anyone you consider a friend will bless you both. Passing this on to one not yet considered a friend is something Christ would do. ******************** We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour. 2. Always toast before doing a shot. 3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast. 4. Change your toast at least once a month. 5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake. 6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb. 7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night. 8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails. 9. Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile. 10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink. 11. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: Great, now I’m going to get drunk. I hate shots. It’s coming back up. 12. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong. 13. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He'll get the message. 14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you. 15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you. 16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you. 17. If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor preference. 18. Always have a corkscrew in your house. 19. If you don't have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen. 20. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks. 21. Our parents were better drinkers than we are. 22. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you're doing the same thing—urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands. 23. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom. Men do not. 24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence. 25. It is only permissible to shout 'woo-hoo!' if you are doing a shot with four or more people. 26. If there is a d.j., you can request a song only once per night. If he doesn't play it within half an hour, do not approach him again. If he does play it, do not approach him again. 27. Learn how to make a rose out of a bar napkin. You'll be surprised how well it works. 28. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store. 29. If you owe someone twenty dollars or less, you may pay them back in beer. 30. Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink. 31. If you have been roommates with someone more than six months, you may drink all their beer, even if it's hidden, as long as you leave them one. 32. You can have a shot of their hard liquor only if the cap has been cracked and the bottle goes for less than $25. 33. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor. 34. If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, you must drink at least two cans before you start drinking the imported beer in the fridge. 35. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it. 36. If you ever feel depressed, get out a bartender’s guide and browse through all the drinks you’ve never tried. 37. Try one new drink each week. 38. If you are the bar's sole customer, you are obliged to make small talk with the bartender until he stops acknowledging you. Then you're off the hook. The same goes for him. 39. Never tip with coins that have touched you. If your change is $1.50, you can tell the barmaid to keep the change, but once she has handed it to you, you cannot give it back. To a bartender or cocktail waitress, small change has no value. 40. If you have ever told a bartender, “Hey, it all spends the same,” then you are a cheap ass. 41. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking. 42. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink to their mouth. 43. A bar is a college, not a nursery. If you spill a beer, clean it up. If you break a glass, wait for a staff member to clean it up, then blame it on someone else. 44. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it. 45. It's okay to drink alone. 46. After three drinks, you will forget a woman's name two seconds after she tells you. The rest of the night you will call her “baby” or “darling”. 47. Nothing screams 'nancy boy' louder than swirling an oversized brandy snifter. 48. Men don't drink from straws. Unless you're doing a Mind or Face Eraser. 49. If you do a shot, finish it. If you don't plan to finish it, don't accept it. 50. Never brood in a dance bar. Never dance in a dive bar. 51. Never play more than three songs by the same artist in a row. 52. Your songs will come on as you're leaving the bar. 53. Never yell out jukebox selections to someone you don't know. 54. Never lie in a bar. You may, however, grossly exaggerate and lean. 55. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English. 56. Screaming, “Someone buy me a drink!” has never worked. 57. For every drink, there is a five percent better chance you will get in a fight. There is also a three percent better chance you will lose the fight. 58. Fighting an extremely drunk person when you are sober is hilarious. 59. If you are broke and a friend is “sporting you”, you must laugh at all his jokes and play wingman when he makes his move. 60. If you are broke and a friend is “making sport of you”, you may steal any drink he leaves unattended. 61. Never rest your head on a table or bar top. It is the equivalent of voluntarily putting your head on a chopping block. 62. If you are trading rounds with a friend and he asks if you're ready for another, always say yes. Once you fall out of sync you will end up buying more drinks than him. 63. If you're going to hit on a member of the bar staff, make sure you tip well before and after, regardless of her response. 64. The people with the most money are rarely the best tippers. 65. Before you die, single-handedly make one decent martini. 66. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, “I'm an idiot.” 67. Never ask a bartender “what's good tonight?” They do not fly in the scotch fresh from the coast every morning. 68. If there is a line for drinks, get your goddamn drink and step the hell away from the bar. 69. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours. 70. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your fathers and mothers, your brothers and sisters. Except you get to sleep with these sisters. And if you're really drunk, the mothers. 71. It's acceptable, traditional in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends will understand. If they even notice. 72. Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you're hammered and they’re sober. It's akin to a precocious five-year-old arguing the super-string theory with a physicist. 99.9% of the time you're wrong and either way you're going to come off as a jackass. 73. If you bring booze to a party, you must drink it or leave it. 74. If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at you, you do not deserve a drink. 75. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious. 76. The greatest thing a drunkard can do is buy a round of drinks for a packed bar. 77. Never preface a conversation with a bartender with “I know this is going to be a hassle, but . . .” 78. When you’re in a bar and drunk, your boss is just another guy begging for a fat lip. Unless he’s buying. 79. If you are 86’d, do not return for at least three months. To come back sooner makes it appear no other bar wants you. 80. Anyone with three or more drinks in his hands has the right of way. 81. If you’re going to drink on the job, drink vodka. It’s the no-tell liquor. 82. There’s nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if you’re supposed to be at work. 83. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call. 84. A flask engraved with a personal message is one of the best gifts you can ever give. And make sure there’s something in it. 85. On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss. 86. You will forget every one of these rules by your fifth drink.

1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour. 2. Always toast before doing a shot. 3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast. 4. Change your toast at least once a month. 5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake. 6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb. 7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night. 8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails. 9. Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile. 10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink. 11. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: Great, now I’m going to get drunk. I hate shots. It’s coming back up. 12. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong. 13. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He'll get the message. 14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you. 15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you. 16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you. 17. If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor preference. 18. Always have a corkscrew in your house. 19. If you don't have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen. 20. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks. 21. Our parents were better drinkers than we are. 22. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you're doing the same thing—urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands. 23. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom. Men do not. 24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence. 25. It is only permissible to shout 'woo-hoo!' if you are doing a shot with four or more people. 26. If there is a d.j., you can request a song only once per night. If he doesn't play it within half an hour, do not approach him again. If he does play it, do not approach him again. 27. Learn how to make a rose out of a bar napkin. You'll be surprised how well it works. 28. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store. 29. If you owe someone twenty dollars or less, you may pay them back in beer. 30. Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink. 31. If you have been roommates with someone more than six months, you may drink all their beer, even if it's hidden, as long as you leave them one. 32. You can have a shot of their hard liquor only if the cap has been cracked and the bottle goes for less than $25. 33. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor. 34. If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, you must drink at least two cans before you start drinking the imported beer in the fridge. 35. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it. 36. If you ever feel depressed, get out a bartender’s guide and browse through all the drinks you’ve never tried. 37. Try one new drink each week. 38. If you are the bar's sole customer, you are obliged to make small talk with the bartender until he stops acknowledging you. Then you're off the hook. The same goes for him. 39. Never tip with coins that have touched you. If your change is $1.50, you can tell the barmaid to keep the change, but once she has handed it to you, you cannot give it back. To a bartender or cocktail waitress, small change has no value. 40. If you have ever told a bartender, “Hey, it all spends the same,” then you are a cheap ass. 41. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking. 42. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink to their mouth. 43. A bar is a college, not a nursery. If you spill a beer, clean it up. If you break a glass, wait for a staff member to clean it up, then blame it on someone else. 44. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it. 45. It's okay to drink alone. 46. After three drinks, you will forget a woman's name two seconds after she tells you. The rest of the night you will call her “baby” or “darling”. 47. Nothing screams 'nancy boy' louder than swirling an oversized brandy snifter. 48. Men don't drink from straws. Unless you're doing a Mind or Face Eraser. 49. If you do a shot, finish it. If you don't plan to finish it, don't accept it. 50. Never brood in a dance bar. Never dance in a dive bar. 51. Never play more than three songs by the same artist in a row. 52. Your songs will come on as you're leaving the bar. 53. Never yell out jukebox selections to someone you don't know. 54. Never lie in a bar. You may, however, grossly exaggerate and lean. 55. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English. 56. Screaming, “Someone buy me a drink!” has never worked. 57. For every drink, there is a five percent better chance you will get in a fight. There is also a three percent better chance you will lose the fight. 58. Fighting an extremely drunk person when you are sober is hilarious. 59. If you are broke and a friend is “sporting you”, you must laugh at all his jokes and play wingman when he makes his move. 60. If you are broke and a friend is “making sport of you”, you may steal any drink he leaves unattended. 61. Never rest your head on a table or bar top. It is the equivalent of voluntarily putting your head on a chopping block. 62. If you are trading rounds with a friend and he asks if you're ready for another, always say yes. Once you fall out of sync you will end up buying more drinks than him. 63. If you're going to hit on a member of the bar staff, make sure you tip well before and after, regardless of her response. 64. The people with the most money are rarely the best tippers. 65. Before you die, single-handedly make one decent martini. 66. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, “I'm an idiot.” 67. Never ask a bartender “what's good tonight?” They do not fly in the scotch fresh from the coast every morning. 68. If there is a line for drinks, get your goddamn drink and step the hell away from the bar. 69. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours. 70. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your fathers and mothers, your brothers and sisters. Except you get to sleep with these sisters. And if you're really drunk, the mothers. 71. It's acceptable, traditional in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends will understand. If they even notice. 72. Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you're hammered and they’re sober. It's akin to a precocious five-year-old arguing the super-string theory with a physicist. 99.9% of the time you're wrong and either way you're going to come off as a jackass. 73. If you bring booze to a party, you must drink it or leave it. 74. If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at you, you do not deserve a drink. 75. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious. 76. The greatest thing a drunkard can do is buy a round of drinks for a packed bar. 77. Never preface a conversation with a bartender with “I know this is going to be a hassle, but . . .” 78. When you’re in a bar and drunk, your boss is just another guy begging for a fat lip. Unless he’s buying. 79. If you are 86’d, do not return for at least three months. To come back sooner makes it appear no other bar wants you. 80. Anyone with three or more drinks in his hands has the right of way. 81. If you’re going to drink on the job, drink vodka. It’s the no-tell liquor. 82. There’s nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if you’re supposed to be at work. 83. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call. 84. A flask engraved with a personal message is one of the best gifts you can ever give. And make sure there’s something in it. 85. On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss. 86. You will forget every one of these rules by your fifth drink.

Absolutely the best chart I have seen in years. SHARE THIS CHART Apples Protects your heart prevents constipation Blocks diarrhea Improves lung capacity Cushions joints Apricots Combats cancer Controls blood pressure Saves your eyesight Shields against Alzheimer's Slows aging process Artichokes Aids digestion Lowers cholesterol Protects your heart Stabilizes blood sugar Guards against liver disease Avocados Battles diabetes Lowers cholesterol Helps stops strokes Controls blood pressure Smoothes skin Bananas Protects your heart Quiets a cough Strengthens bones Controls blood pressure Blocks diarrhea Beans Prevents constipation Helps hemorrhoids Lowers cholesterol Combats cancer Stabilizes blood sugar Beets Controls blood pressure Combats cancer Strengthens bones Protects your heart Aids weight loss Blueberries Combats cancer Protects your heart Stabilizes blood sugar Boosts memory Prevents constipation Broccoli Strengthens bones Saves eyesight Combats cancer Protects your heart Controls blood pressure Cabbage Combats cancer Prevents constipation Promotes weight loss Protects your heart Helps hemorrhoids Cantaloupe Saves eyesight Controls blood pressure Lowers cholesterol Combats cancer Supports immune system Carrots Saves eyesight Protects your heart Prevents constipation Combats cancer Promotes weight loss Cauliflower Protects against Prostate Cancer Combats Breast Cancer Strengthens bones Banishes bruises Guards against heart disease Cherries Protects your heart Combats Cancer Ends insomnia Slows aging process Shields against Alzheimer's Chestnuts Promotes weight loss Protects your heart Lowers cholesterol Combats Cancer Controls blood pressure Chili peppers Aids digestion Soothes sore throat Clears sinuses Combats Cancer Boosts immune system Figs Promotes weight loss Helps stops strokes Lowers cholesterol Combats Cancer Controls blood pressure Fish Protects your heart Boosts memory Protects your heart Combats Cancer Supports immune system Flax Aids digestion Battles diabetes Protects your heart Improves mental health Boosts immune system Garlic Lowers cholesterol Controls blood pressure Combats cancer kills bacteria Fights fungus Grapefruit Protects against heart attacks Promotes Weight loss Helps stops strokes Combats Prostate Cancer Lowers cholesterol Grapes saves eyesight Conquers kidney stones Combats cancer Enhances blood flow Protects your heart Green tea Combats cancer Protects your heart Helps stops strokes Promotes Weight loss Kills bacteria Honey Heals wounds Aids digestion Guards against ulcers Increases energy Fights allergies Lemons Combats cancer Protects your heart Controls blood pressure Smoothes skin Stops scurvy Limes Combats cancer Protects your heart Controls blood pressure Smoothes skin Stops scurvy Mangoes Combats cancer Boosts memory Regulates thyroid aids digestion Shields against Alzheimer's Mushrooms Controls blood pressure Lowers cholesterol Kills bacteria Combats cancer Strengthens bones Oats Lowers cholesterol Combats cancer Battles diabetes prevents constipation Smoothes skin Olive oil Protects your heart Promotes Weight loss Combats cancer Battles diabetes Smoothes skin Onions Reduce risk of heart attack Combats cancer Kills bacteria Lowers cholesterol Fights fungus Oranges Supports immune systems Combats cancer Protects your heart Straightens respiration Peaches prevents constipation Combats cancer Helps stops strokes aids digestion Helps hemorrhoids Peanuts Protects against heart disease Promotes Weight loss Combats Prostate Cancer Lowers cholesterol Aggravates Diverticulitis Pineapple Strengthens bones Relieves colds Aids digestion Dissolves warts Blocks diarrhea Prunes Slows aging process prevents constipation boosts memory Lowers cholesterol Protects against heart disease Rice Protects your heart Battles diabetes Conquers kidney stones Combats cancer Helps stops strokes Strawberries Combats cancer Protects your heart boosts memory Calms stress Sweet potatoes Saves your eyesight Lifts mood Combats cancer Strengthens bones Tomatoes Protects prostate Combats cancer Lowers cholesterol Protects your heart Walnuts Lowers cholesterol Combats cancer boosts memory Lifts mood Protects against heart disease Water Promotes Weight loss Combats cancer Conquers kidney stones Smoothes skin Watermelon Protects prostate Promotes Weight loss Lowers cholesterol Helps stops strokes Controls blood pressure Wheat germ Combats Colon Cancer prevents constipation Lowers cholesterol Helps stops strokes improves digestion Wheat bran Combats Colon Cancer prevents constipation Lowers cholesterol Helps stops strokes improves digestion Yogurt Guards against ulcers Strengthens bones Lowers cholesterol Supports immune systems Aids digestion

Absolutely the best chart I have seen in years. SHARE THIS CHART Apples Protects your heart prevents constipation Blocks diarrhea Improves lung capacity Cushions joints Apricots Combats cancer Controls blood pressure Saves your eyesight Shields against Alzheimer's Slows aging process Artichokes Aids digestion Lowers cholesterol Protects your heart Stabilizes blood sugar Guards against liver disease Avocados Battles diabetes Lowers cholesterol Helps stops strokes Controls blood pressure Smoothes skin Bananas Protects your heart Quiets a cough Strengthens bones Controls blood pressure Blocks diarrhea Beans Prevents constipation Helps hemorrhoids Lowers cholesterol Combats cancer Stabilizes blood sugar Beets Controls blood pressure Combats cancer Strengthens bones Protects your heart Aids weight loss Blueberries Combats cancer Protects your heart Stabilizes blood sugar Boosts memory Prevents constipation Broccoli Strengthens bones Saves eyesight Combats cancer Protects your heart Controls blood pressure Cabbage Combats cancer Prevents constipation Promotes weight loss Protects your heart Helps hemorrhoids Cantaloupe Saves eyesight Controls blood pressure Lowers cholesterol Combats cancer Supports immune system Carrots Saves eyesight Protects your heart Prevents constipation Combats cancer Promotes weight loss Cauliflower Protects against Prostate Cancer Combats Breast Cancer Strengthens bones Banishes bruises Guards against heart disease Cherries Protects your heart Combats Cancer Ends insomnia Slows aging process Shields against Alzheimer's Chestnuts Promotes weight loss Protects your heart Lowers cholesterol Combats Cancer Controls blood pressure Chili peppers Aids digestion Soothes sore throat Clears sinuses Combats Cancer Boosts immune system Figs Promotes weight loss Helps stops strokes Lowers cholesterol Combats Cancer Controls blood pressure Fish Protects your heart Boosts memory Protects your heart Combats Cancer Supports immune system Flax Aids digestion Battles diabetes Protects your heart Improves mental health Boosts immune system Garlic Lowers cholesterol Controls blood pressure Combats cancer kills bacteria Fights fungus Grapefruit Protects against heart attacks Promotes Weight loss Helps stops strokes Combats Prostate Cancer Lowers cholesterol Grapes saves eyesight Conquers kidney stones Combats cancer Enhances blood flow Protects your heart Green tea Combats cancer Protects your heart Helps stops strokes Promotes Weight loss Kills bacteria Honey Heals wounds Aids digestion Guards against ulcers Increases energy Fights allergies Lemons Combats cancer Protects your heart Controls blood pressure Smoothes skin Stops scurvy Limes Combats cancer Protects your heart Controls blood pressure Smoothes skin Stops scurvy Mangoes Combats cancer Boosts memory Regulates thyroid aids digestion Shields against Alzheimer's Mushrooms Controls blood pressure Lowers cholesterol Kills bacteria Combats cancer Strengthens bones Oats Lowers cholesterol Combats cancer Battles diabetes prevents constipation Smoothes skin Olive oil Protects your heart Promotes Weight loss Combats cancer Battles diabetes Smoothes skin Onions Reduce risk of heart attack Combats cancer Kills bacteria Lowers cholesterol Fights fungus Oranges Supports immune systems Combats cancer Protects your heart Straightens respiration Peaches prevents constipation Combats cancer Helps stops strokes aids digestion Helps hemorrhoids Peanuts Protects against heart disease Promotes Weight loss Combats Prostate Cancer Lowers cholesterol Aggravates Diverticulitis Pineapple Strengthens bones Relieves colds Aids digestion Dissolves warts Blocks diarrhea Prunes Slows aging process prevents constipation boosts memory Lowers cholesterol Protects against heart disease Rice Protects your heart Battles diabetes Conquers kidney stones Combats cancer Helps stops strokes Strawberries Combats cancer Protects your heart boosts memory Calms stress Sweet potatoes Saves your eyesight Lifts mood Combats cancer Strengthens bones Tomatoes Protects prostate Combats cancer Lowers cholesterol Protects your heart Walnuts Lowers cholesterol Combats cancer boosts memory Lifts mood Protects against heart disease Water Promotes Weight loss Combats cancer Conquers kidney stones Smoothes skin Watermelon Protects prostate Promotes Weight loss Lowers cholesterol Helps stops strokes Controls blood pressure Wheat germ Combats Colon Cancer prevents constipation Lowers cholesterol Helps stops strokes improves digestion Wheat bran Combats Colon Cancer prevents constipation Lowers cholesterol Helps stops strokes improves digestion Yogurt Guards against ulcers Strengthens bones Lowers cholesterol Supports immune systems Aids digestion

The following are all replies that Dallas, TX. Women have written on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing "father's details", or to put it another way: Who's your Daddy? These are genuine excerpts from the Agency forms. Be sure to check out number 3, and Number 11 is runner up. 1 Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night. 2 I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps. 3 I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you send me his phone number? Thanks. 4 I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced. 5 I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was ejaculate and that he is the Saver risen again. 6 I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise. 7 I do not know who the father of my child was, as all blacks look the same to me. 8 Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time... well, I don't have clue. 9 From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom. 10 So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilized. 11 I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart. Yep, you guessed it right - you are all paying taxes to support these people.

ONE ~ Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully. TWO ~ Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other. THREE ~ Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want. FOUR ~ When you say, "I love you ," mean it. FIVE ~ When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye. SIX ~ Be engaged at least six months before you get married. SEVEN ~ Believe in love at first sight. EIGHT ~ Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much. NINE ~ Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely. TEN ~ In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling. ELEVEN ~ Don't judge people by their relatives. TWELVE ~ Talk slowly but think quickly. THIRTEEN ~ When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?" FOURTEEN ~ Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk. FIFTEEN ~ Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze. SIXTEEN ~ When you lose, don't lose the lesson! SEVENTEEN ~ Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions. EIGHTEEN ~ Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship. NINETEEN ~ When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. TWENTY ~ Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice. TWENTY-ONE ~ Spend some time alone.

ONE ~ Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully. TWO ~ Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other. THREE ~ Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want. FOUR ~ When you say, "I love you ," mean it. FIVE ~ When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye. SIX ~ Be engaged at least six months before you get married. SEVEN ~ Believe in love at first sight. EIGHT ~ Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much. NINE ~ Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely. TEN ~ In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling. ELEVEN ~ Don't judge people by their relatives. TWELVE ~ Talk slowly but think quickly. THIRTEEN ~ When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?" FOURTEEN ~ Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk. FIFTEEN ~ Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze. SIXTEEN ~ When you lose, don't lose the lesson! SEVENTEEN ~ Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions. EIGHTEEN ~ Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship. NINETEEN ~ When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. TWENTY ~ Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice. TWENTY-ONE ~ Spend some time alone.

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN .. ...? All the girls had ugly gym uniforms? It took 5 minutes for the TV warm up? Nearly everyone's Mom was at home when the kids got home from school? Nobody owned a purebred dog? When a quarter was a decent allowance? You'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny? Your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces? All your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had their hair done every day and wore high heels? You got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, all for free, every time? And you didn't pay for air? And, you got trading stamps to boot? Laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box? It was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents? They threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed. . . and they did? When a 57 Chevy was everyone's dream car...to cruise, peel out, lay rubber or watch submarine races, and people went steady? No one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked? Lying on your back in the grass with your friends and saying things like, "That cloud looks like a " and playing baseball with no adults to help kids with the rules of the game? Stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals because no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger? And with all our progress, don't you just wish, just once, you could slip back in time and savor the slower pace, and share it with the children of today? When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited the student at home? Basically we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! But we survived because their love was greater than the threat. Send this on to someone who can still remember Nancy Drew, the Hardy Boys, Laurel and Hardy, Howdy Doody and the Peanut Gallery, the Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows, Nellie Bell, Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk. As well as summers filled with bike rides, baseball games, Hula Hoops, bowling and visits to the pool, and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar. Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say, "Yeah, I remember that"? I am sharing this with you today because it ended with a double dog dare to pass it on. To remember what a double dog dare is, read on. And remember that the perfect age is somewhere between old enough to know better and too young to care. How many of these do you remember? Candy cigarettes Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers Newsreels before the movie P.F. Fliers Telephone numbers with a word prefix...(Raymond 4-601). Party lines Peashooters Howdy Doody 45 RPM records Green Stamps Hi-Fi's Metal ice cubes trays with levers Mimeograph paper Beanie and Cecil Roller-skate keys Cork pop guns Drive ins Studebakers Washtub wringers The Fuller Brush Man Reel-To-Reel tape recorders Tinkertoys Erector Sets The Fort Apache Play Set Lincoln Logs 15 cent McDonald hamburgers 5 cent packs of baseball cards - with that awful pink slab of bubble gum Penny candy 35 cent a gallon gasoline Jiffy Pop popcorn Do you remember a time when... Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-moe"? Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "Do Over!"? "Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest? Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening? It wasn't odd to have two or three "Best Friends"? The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was "cooties"? Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot? A foot of snow was a dream come true? Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute commercials for action figures? "Oly-oly-oxen-free" made perfect sense? Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down was cause for giggles? The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team? War was a card game? Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle? Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin? Water balloons were the ultimate weapon? If you can remember most or all of these, then you have lived!!!!!!! Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from their "grown-up" life . I double-dog-dare you!

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN .. ...? All the girls had ugly gym uniforms? It took 5 minutes for the TV warm up? Nearly everyone's Mom was at home when the kids got home from school? Nobody owned a purebred dog? When a quarter was a decent allowance? You'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny? Your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces? All your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had their hair done every day and wore high heels? You got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, all for free, every time? And you didn't pay for air? And, you got trading stamps to boot? Laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box? It was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents? They threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed. . . and they did? When a 57 Chevy was everyone's dream car...to cruise, peel out, lay rubber or watch submarine races, and people went steady? No one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked? Lying on your back in the grass with your friends and saying things like, "That cloud looks like a " and playing baseball with no adults to help kids with the rules of the game? Stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals because no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger? And with all our progress, don't you just wish, just once, you could slip back in time and savor the slower pace, and share it with the children of today? When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited the student at home? Basically we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! But we survived because their love was greater than the threat. Send this on to someone who can still remember Nancy Drew, the Hardy Boys, Laurel and Hardy, Howdy Doody and the Peanut Gallery, the Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows, Nellie Bell, Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk. As well as summers filled with bike rides, baseball games, Hula Hoops, bowling and visits to the pool, and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar. Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say, "Yeah, I remember that"? I am sharing this with you today because it ended with a double dog dare to pass it on. To remember what a double dog dare is, read on. And remember that the perfect age is somewhere between old enough to know better and too young to care. How many of these do you remember? Candy cigarettes Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers Newsreels before the movie P.F. Fliers Telephone numbers with a word prefix...(Raymond 4-601). Party lines Peashooters Howdy Doody 45 RPM records Green Stamps Hi-Fi's Metal ice cubes trays with levers Mimeograph paper Beanie and Cecil Roller-skate keys Cork pop guns Drive ins Studebakers Washtub wringers The Fuller Brush Man Reel-To-Reel tape recorders Tinkertoys Erector Sets The Fort Apache Play Set Lincoln Logs 15 cent McDonald hamburgers 5 cent packs of baseball cards - with that awful pink slab of bubble gum Penny candy 35 cent a gallon gasoline Jiffy Pop popcorn Do you remember a time when... Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-moe"? Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "Do Over!"? "Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest? Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening? It wasn't odd to have two or three "Best Friends"? The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was "cooties"? Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot? A foot of snow was a dream come true? Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute commercials for action figures? "Oly-oly-oxen-free" made perfect sense? Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down was cause for giggles? The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team? War was a card game? Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle? Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin? Water balloons were the ultimate weapon? If you can remember most or all of these, then you have lived!!!!!!! Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from their "grown-up" life . I double-dog-dare you!