So I have had a strong case of the blahs lately, could not quite put my finger on why until today when I figured out a large part of the why. I try always to be there for the people I care about, even if it sometimes results in my harm. I listen to their problems and do my best to help them resolve them. One of many complaints that a great deal of them share is how no one listens to them, or cares about what they are going through. Upon much reflection this afternoon I realise that, that has been what happens to me. I am there for people but often when I need to lean on someone, they are not there to lean on and I fall on my ass. I have learned to pick myself up and move on. (morganika I exclude from this because when I needed an ear you were there I am sorry I have not been around the last few months to be there for you.) It is no wonder that I have taken to keeping thing pent up inside. When my grams died I tried to be the rock for my entire family, I could not let myself grieve because of that. It took my going out dancing and well to be honest getting smashed , to be able to let go of my emotions.
I guess the people I care for see that my shoulders are strong enough to support a lot of weight, but dont realise that I sometimes need a shoulder myself. Danny has been really good in that regard. He has been there for me more than I ever could have hoped anyone would ever be. Most other people just didn't give a shit, or acted like they did then started talking about stuff of a sexual nature, oh I wanna fuck lets cyber i wanna hear you moan. Do people really think that when greiving over the death of ones grandparent a person wants to hear oh I sorry then sexual talk. Sorry thats not the case
I have recently watched a friend go through some stuff that I do not feel is right. All over something that is quite stupid and one person has ended many friendships. I will tell you why this has all come about after I am done telling the story. All names have been altered.
My good friend sarah had to move to a new residence recently. She had a roomate who decided (over something stupid) to get upset, and act rather immaturely about it. He yelled slammed doors and when that did not have the desired effect walked up and down the haal in front of her and (John)her fiance's room loading and unloading a gun going "are you scared now, how about now. The guy went on a distructive streak (and this is not the first time) for then night determined to make them miserable. He told his supposed best friend the he would be lucky if he (mike) was bst friend at john's wedding. He has belittled sarah and even lied about the events of that night painting himself the wronged party. I found out the next day that when he dicided to torch the BBQ and kick it down. That he also torched a basket of mine that was from flowers from my granna's funeral (classy I know.) And what was the cause of this I am sure you are wondering???? because sarah chose not to play poker that night. Silly isn't it. I know mike can be a good guy whenhe choses I have seen it and it saddens me greatly to see him become this person. He viciously poured wine on his gf (debbie's) carpet and totaled one of her kitchen chairs. And to top all that off he in my mind sexually assulted me. Not just in my mind but in the mind of everyone who has heard of the incident. I fear for her safty if he does't not revert to who I know he can be. Violence of this sort only escalates until the person is seriously hurt or dead.
But though I would like to help I know that anything I try to do would have no effect whatsoever. well I have vented a bit so I must take my leave.
