nTcTn's blog: "Things to make you SMILE"

created on 09/02/2007 | http://fubar.com/things-to-make-you-smile/b123694

posted on 04/19/2009&nbs-07:00;@&nbs-07:00;10:04&nbs-07:00;am

29 lines to make you smile
http://fubar.com/29-lines-to-make-you-smile/b123694-506467

TWENTY NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE 1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. 3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. 4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. 5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. 6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me 7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. 8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. 9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing. 10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. 11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine. 12. God must love stupid people; He made so many. 13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. 14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. 15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? 16. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it! 17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up. 18. Procrastinate Now! 19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That? 20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. 21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance 22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere! 23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken. 24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD. 25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory. 26. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. 27. The trouble with life is there's no background music. 28. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson. 29. I smile because I don't know what the fuck is going on.

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posted on 10/13/2007&nbs-07:00;@&nbs-07:00;05:10&nbs-07:00;pm

"GIRLS" VS. "GROWN WOMEN"
http://fubar.com/girls-vs-grown-women/b123694-565162

GIRLS vs. GROWN WOMEN Wanna know the difference??? Girls leave their schedule wide-open and wait for a guy to call and make plans. Grown women make their own plans and nicely tell the guy to get in where he fits in. Girls want to control the man in their life. Grown women know that if he's truly hers, he doesn't need controlling. Girls check you for not calling them. Grown women are too busy to realize you hadn't. Girls try to put a man 'on lock' by using sex. Grown women know that it's the sex of the mental kind that makes a man want to 'lock' you down. Girls fake-moan, lay there and take the stabbing. Grown women say, "Just stop", get up, get dressed and walk out. Girls are afraid to be alone. Grown women revel in it--using it as a time for personal growth. Girls ignore the good guys. Grown women ignore the bad guys. Girls make you come. Grown women make you come home. Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man. Grown women know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man. Girls try to monopolize all their man's time (i.e. don't want him hanging with his friends). Grown women realize that a lil' bit of space makes the 'together time' even more special and goes to kick it with her own friends! Girls think a guy crying is weak. Grown women offer their shoulder and a tissue. Girls want to be spoiled and 'tell' their man so. Grown women show him and make him comfortable enough to reciprocate w/o fear of losing his manhood. Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it. Grown women know that it was just one man. Girls fall in love, chase aimlessly after the object of their affection, ignoring all signs. Grown women know that sometimes the one you love, don't always love you back. Girls will read this and get an attitude. Grown women will read this and pass it on to other grown women

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posted on 10/11/2007&nbs-07:00;@&nbs-07:00;06:10&nbs-07:00;pm

Stop and smell the ROSES.
http://fubar.com/stop-and-smell-the-roses/b123694-562673

This should probably be taped to your bathroom mirror where one could read it everyday. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true. 1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for. 2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way. 3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you. 4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you. 5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep. 6. You mean the world to someone. 7. You are special and unique. 8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you. 9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it. 10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look. 11. Always remember the complim ents yo u received. Forget about the rude remarks. And always remember.... when life hands you Lemons, ask for tequila and salt,and call me over! Good friends are like stars........You don't always see them, but you know they are always there. "Whenever God Closes One Door He Always Opens Another, Even Though Sometimes It's Hell in the Hallway" I would rather have one rose and a kind word from a friend while I'm here than a whole truck load when I'm gone

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posted on 10/10/2007&nbs-07:00;@&nbs-07:00;04:10&nbs-07:00;pm

Know your State Motto
http://fubar.com/know-your-state-motto/b123694-561088

KNOW YOUR STATE MOTTO! Alabama Hell Yes, We Have Electricity. Alaska 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong! Arizona Yes, But It's A Dry Heat. Arkansas Lituracy Ain't Everythang. California By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda. Where men are men and half the girls are too. Colorado If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother. Connecticut Like Massachusetts, only smaller. Delaware We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water. Florida Ask Us About Our Grandkids And Our Voting Skills. Georgia We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism. Hawaii Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money) Idaho More Than Just Potatoes...Well, Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good Illinois Please, Don't Pronounce the "S" Indiana 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free Iowa We Do Amazing Things With Corn Kansas First Of The Rectangle States Kentucky Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names Louisiana We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign. Maine We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster Maryland If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It Massachusetts Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's And Our Senators Are More Corrupt! Michigan First Line Of Defense From The Canadians Minnesota 10,000 Lakes... And 10 Zillion Mosquitoes Mississippi Come visit And Feel Better About Your Own State Missouri Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work Montana Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, and Honest Elections! Nebraska Ask About Our State Motto Contest Nevada Hookers and Poker! New Hampshire Go Away And Leave Us Alone New Jersey You Want A ##$%##! Motto? Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right here! New Mexico Lizards Make Excellent Pets New York You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney... And No Right To Self Defense! North Carolina Tobacco Is A Vegetable North Dakota We Really Are One Of The 50 States! Ohio At Least We're Not Michigan Oklahoma Like The Play, But No Singing Oregon Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner Pennsylvania Cook With Coal Rhode Island We're Not REALLY An Island South Carolina Remember The Civil War? Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender Yet South Dakota Closer Than North Dakota Tennessee Home of the Al Gore Invention Museum Texas Se Habla Ingles Utah Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus Vermont Too liberal for the Kennedys Virginia Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix? Washington Our Governor can out-fraud your Governor! West Virginia One Big Happy Family...Really! Wisconsin Come Cut the Cheese! Wyoming Where Men Are Men... And The Sheep Are Scared. Home of Brokeback Mtn. The District of Columbia The Work-Free Drug Place!

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posted on 09/30/2007&nbs-07:00;@&nbs-07:00;09:09&nbs-07:00;am

Too sweet for words
http://fubar.com/too-sweet-for-words/b123694-546755

The Kiss..... She is pregnant, he had just saved her from a fire in her house, rescuing her by carrying her out of the house into her front yard, while he continued to fight the fire. When he finally got done putting the fire out, he sat down to catch his breath and rest. A photographer from the Charlotte , North Carolina newspaper, noticed her in the distance looking at the fireman. He saw her walking straight toward the fireman and wondered what she was going to do. As he raised his camera, she came up to the tired man who had saved her life and the lives of her unborn babies and kissed him just as the photographer snapped this photograph.