not on tap cuz im taking time for me's blog: "Things"

this is a very true and very painful story. i wish i knew how to tell everyone what rape does to ones mind and emotional status... well, please repost. please, for all the girls [such as me] who have been raped... repost and let people know. Walking in my nighty; rubbing my eyes My fathers sitting on the sofa with his friend He pats the seat in the middle; i sit Shivering so cold; a quilt he lends "Jessy you love me dont you" a smile; his Their breathe spirts weep "Daddy you know i do; what is it?" He smiles at his friend; his hand creeps His friend takes my hand; looks me in the eyes Daddys creeping up my nightie; cold hands I try to pull his hand away; grip is strong! They look at one another; nod; something planned I feel my palms sweat; Daddys under my knickers "Daddy im going to bed! Night" Pulling again But there grip is to strong for weak me I look at both; and ask, who are these men? His fingers going up me; pulling away His friend leans forward; a kiss? Why? His toungue moving mine; my eyes squint Lean back and away; "Why are you doing this?" No answer, i feel the pain inside me; him Chucks the quilt on the floor; me to I try and scamper away, but im not fast "O Daddy please, i love you" His friend; pulling at my nightie And my Dad pulling my pants down His friend pinning my hands to the floor As my Dad lies himself on the ground I squirm; as Daddy friend pulls me up And places me ontop of Daddy; thrusts within I cry; i bite; i scratch; i slap; i fail "O Daddy please you win you win!" I can feel my skin rip; my virginity breaking free I can feel the blood seep down my leg "Daddy your hurting me please" I plead to him and his friend; not even a beg Daddys laughing; why does he laugh? His friend shoves himself in my mouth and moans Tieing my hands togather; moving in and out "Ride me Jessy" He laughs and groans They smile at one another; laugh to They roll me over and spread me wide wel My daddy sits on my face; himself in again While his friend talks and pushes himself inside I can hardly breathe; i gag for air I cough and splutter; cry and weep I beg and plead; but its no use Theyve already made me hurt and bleed I stare into his eyes; that look upon me This is not my Dad; where is he? If he was still here; would he care Would he actually even; see? Finally they get of and lie me on the sofa My cheeks blouchy from tears and pain They play with them selfs; all over me Rub it in; making me feel the shame "Why Daddy? Please tell me why?" Dad looks at his friend; and waves him away "Jessy i love you" he smiles and kisses my cheek "Is that all you have in your heart to say?" He puts my nightie on me I walks me to my bedroom door Ever since that night; His friend And himself every Friday come back for more "Night sweet Girl; You are my life" Closing the door, tears still down my face Still the smell of him and his friend Fade into me like disgrace I watch the Moon go down; the sun come up "Jessy its school" Knocking at my door I cant help but cry; weep in pain Because im so scared he wanted more But one night daddy took it too far Daddy and his friend came back for one last shot They were worried they would get caught So he and his friend took me to a cemetary lot I was blindfolded and my hands were tied back "Daddy please!! Not tonight!" Daddy and his friend both had their last fun After that i tried to put up a fight I begged daddy "Please no more!" All he could say "Shut up you stupid whore!" Daddy unblindfolded me at last He said I love you so much He went back into the car and pulled out a bat "Daddy I swear I wont say a thing!!!!" I was dead After only one swing..........................

1. What is the last alcoholic beverage you drank? either corona [beer] or brandy [not beer] 2. Do you follow college football? some.. go ducks... 3. How many miles does your car have on it? I don't have a car 4. Who was the last person to send you a text message? my baby followed in oreder by ken, megan, steffan, nicole 5. Last time you went swimming in a pool? last summer 6. Are you happy? i just woke up. ask me in about 21.9 minutes 7. Where was the last place you went shopping? sears. got dads christmas gift and my ring. 8. How do you feel about your hair? i wish the god damn perm would grow out already 9. Where should you be? in bed... [hehe... not alone] 10. Last thing you ate? tv dinner 11. Do you wish you were someplace else right now? yes... ill leave it up to your imagination 12. Last time you smoked a cigarette? almost 2 weeks... 14. AIM or MSN? MSN 16 the kid behind me messed up 16. 17. Who do you like right now? i like lots of people. i think they are meaning "like" as in "want romantically" but they should specify... i mean, come on... i like my dog but wouldnt sleep with it... so in conclusion---david. but i seriously like a lot of people... ken, tim, megan, nicole...the list rambles on... like my answer to this question... 18. Favorite NFL team? i dont care 19. Do you watch the Olympics? yeah...some...but not as much as my nerdy little brother... i think tv makes you stupid. 20. Last restaurant you went to? burger king... yesterday. but today in like 5 hours im going to Sizzler. 21. Who was the last person to call you? debbie 22. What's your sign? picses 23. Do you have a favorite number? literally... i like 7. otherwise... 69... 24. Last time you did volunteer work or made any donation? today...ill leave this up to the imagination also... 25. What do you spend the majority of your money on? bills 26. Where does most of your family live? the united states... but specifcally oregon or california. some everywhere else... 27. Are you an only child or do you have siblings? 1 brother. anthony. 28. Would you consider yourself to be spoiled? nope 30. Got any guilty pleasures? yes... 31. Do you drink beer? yes i do. 32. Have you ever experienced true love? yep 33. Did you ever collect Beanie Babies? sadly, no. 34. Ever ordered anything online? yeah 35. Myspace or facebook? LiveJournal 36. Do you have T-Mobile? nope---but i did... 37. What is your favorite class? I dont have class or classes 38. Smoke weed? Not anymore 39. Do you usually fall for the "naughty guys or bible boys"? yes... 40. Were you an outcast in high school? yep 41. Last time you saw your parents? mother yestreday father like 3 days ago 42. Do you have any talents? um...yeah... **imagination** 43. Ever been in a wedding? yeah 44. Do you have any children? nope 45. Last movie you watched? breakfast club. :) 46. Are you missing anyone at the moment? yeah. Next Question 47. Did you take a nap today? not really. but i did sleep... hehe. finally 48. What was your high school mascot? high school one: scorpion [ugly] high school two: wolverine [ugly too] 49. Ever been on a cruise? Nope 50. Favorite vacation spot? well, it used to be eugene but since i live here now...thats kind of blown...i need a new spot... hmmm... well, ill think bout that... i do love the coast so.... 52. Do you have any wealthy friends? i doubt it 53. Ever met anyone famous before? yeah i have... oh wait... does Mickey Mouse count... no, seriously yes i have 54. Favorite actor? dont have one 55. Favorite actress? dont have one 56. Are you multi-tasking right now? talking to people... listening to music videos... thinking... answering this... dreading lunch in 5 hours with the grandparents [ug... maybe they will give me money...] 57. Could you handle being in the military? never--been there... JROTC was not very good. i like being in control but i dont like being controled. 58. Are you hungry or thirsty? Not currently 59. Favorite fast food restaurants? um... let me get back to you on that... 61. What is your average cell phone bill? too damned much. 60. 62. Do you own a camera phone? yes 63. Ever had to take a sobriety test? ...who me... yes i have. and some of them i have passed... some of them i have not. 64. Do you believe in Karma? yes, it will all catch up 65. Can you speak any other languages? yes. 66. Last time you went to the gym or worked out? worked out... what the fuck is that??? no, its been a while because i havent had the time or energy... 67. How many pairs of shoes do you own? to many... 68. Do you have a photo hosting site that you use? photobucket or imageshack 69. Last place you drove: to Dairy Queen 70. What is your college mascot? ducks 71. Ever been to Las Vegas? i wasborn there... so yeah... i think so. 72. Do you wear socks when you sleep?? sometimes... 73. Have you ever bought condoms? nah, planned parenthood gives them free... lol... actaully in CA i did... so yeah.. maybe so. 75. What do you think is your best feature? eyes 76. Have you ever been gambling? yes 77. How old are your parents? 42.41. 80. Favorite place to be? coast 81. Ever been to NYC? nope 82. Favorite sit down restaurant? ill get back to you on this too 83. Ever been to Disneyland? yeah. and the cool thing was that i was in a wheel char [long story] so we got to cut to the front of all the lines... no more than a 10 minute wait for a ride all day. 84. Do you have a favorite cartoon character? eeyore 85. Last thing you cooked? um.. whats cooking? 86. Hows the weather? i like it... wet and cold... 87. Do you e-mail? yeah i do 88. Last letter/piece of mail you received besides junk or a bill? i got an ad for Kohls. 89. Favorite store? lots--any i can spend money at really.... depends on what i need or want 91. Last voicemail you received? my father "where were you?" 92. Do you drunk dial? Nope 93. Stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone? take lots of dirty pics... otherwise call and text. 94. What is the best city in the state that you have lived in? eugene oregon. or edwards AFB california 95. Favorite band? at the moment... brand new... 96. Last time you were sick? a couple weeks ago i had a double ear infection and strep at teh same time 97. Are you bored right now? yeah 98. Last concert? long time ago 99. Do you watch reality tv? nto really 100. What are your plans for tomorrow? sleep. chill with Megan. work

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