Jas's blog: "THIS IS MY LIFE"

MONDAY NIGHT I ALONG WITH MY BROTHER AND SISTER HAD TO MAKE THE DECISION TO TERMINATE LIFE SUPPORT FROM OUR FATHER , AFTER TALKING TO HIS NURSE AND DOCTOR AND HEARING THERE IS NO HOPE AND THE OUT COME IS GRIM WE CHOSE TO TERMINATE AND LET NATURE TAKE ITS COURSE . I HAD NOT SEEN MY FATHER IN 9 YRS AND ONLY TALKED ON THE PHONE MAYBE 6 TIMES IN THAT TIME , WE HAD A HISTORY THAT KEPT US APART WELL MORE OF HIS CHOICE BUT I WAS HAVING A HARD TIME FORGIVING HIM FOR THE THINGS HE HAD DONE NOT JUST TO ME AS A CHILD BUT TO MY MOTHER ( KIDS AND WOMEN SHOULD NEVER BE USED AS A PUNCHING BAG!!!!) YES I HAVE/HAD A LOT OF ANIMOSITY TOWARDS HIM , HE NEVER MET ANY OF HIS GRAND KIDS BECAUSE HE WAS STILL TO BUSY BEING WASTED .. HE ALWAYS KNEW HE WOULD BE WELCOME BACK IF HE JUST GOT STRAIT AND STAYED STRAIT BUT BY THE TIME HE STARTED THAT IT WAS TOO LATE AND NOW THE CHANCE TO RECONCILE HAS LEFT US . I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD FEEL ANYTHING FOR HIM BUT IN TRUTH HE WAS MY FATHER AND I HAVE YET TO STOP CRYING , IT HAS HIT ME HARDER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD AND NOW I AM TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF EVERYTHING , TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHY THE NEEDLE IN HIS ARE WAS MORE IMPORTANT THAN HIS KIDS , WHY HE NEVER MADE THE EFFORT TILL IT WAS TO LATE , IF WHEN I TOLD HIM THAT I FORGAVE HIM IF IN FACT I REALLY DID . I WISH THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE TIME BUT IN REALITY THERE IS NEVER A PROMISE OF TOMORROW THERE ISN'T EVEN A PROMISE OF THE NEXT SECOND . LIFE IS TO PRECIOUS AND WAY TO SHORT TO LIVE LIKE YOU HAVE FOREVER . SO MY ADVISE TO ANYONE THAT READS THIS IS JUST SIMPLY THIS IS WHAT HAS HAPPENED IN THE PAST WORTH THE REGRET YOU MOST ASSUREDLY FEEL IN THE FUTURE IF YOU DON'T MAKE AN EFFORT TO MAKE AMENDS ? TAKE THE TIME TO BREATHE THE AIR TO FEEL THE WARM SUN ON YOUR FACE TO PLAY IN RAIN AND TO FORGIVE ...

Ok so here is the story ... Yesterday my 5 yr old son comes home from school and as we are talking about how or day went he out of the blue looks directly at me and this is what I hear ..( Daddy I don't have a mommy!) No hesitation just a matter of factly statement ... I just stood there not knowing exactly what to say , it broke my heart to hear him say that , what makes it even more heart breaking is the fact that he doesn't have a mother in his due to her own selfishness . It has been over 6 months since she last lied to him , I am sorry last had any contact with him of any kind . Now I could understand that if my phone was turned off or my number had changed , or if I had moved and not told her but sadly the fact is none of that has happened . I have done everything in my power to keep the lines of communication open between us for his sake . But it seems as if that is not what she wants . My personal oppinion is that she is a selfish , uncaring person that has her head so far up her own back side that when she does say something all that comes out is crap .. As far as I am concerned the only acceptable excuse would be that she is in a coma or no longer with us , neither of which are the case .. So how is it that a mother can turn her back on a child she claims to love ? There have been a few cases where he has called women I know mom and I have to correct him and that in its self is heart breaking . My son is such a wonderful and loving little boy that has so much love to give , but he doesn't understand why his mother has had nothing to do with him , and I honestly don't know what to do other than what I am already which is loving him unconditionaly . It just tears me apart inside that I can't do anything to help him deal with what he is feeling . The love of a child is unconditional , shouldn't we as parents give them that unconditional love back ? I will say this much my son has taught me more about what love really is than I ever knew was possable . Are children put here for us to teach or are they here to teach us ? I wish that we could all go back and see the world though a childs eyes before we became jilted by life's ups and downs . I love my son so much that everytime I look at him and see the confusion in his eyes my heart breaks a little more ...

Birthday Calculator 3 July 1972 Your date of conception was on or about 11 October 1971 which was a Monday. You were born on a Monday under the astrological sign Cancer. Your Life path number is 11. Life Path Compatibility: You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 4, 8, 11 & 22. You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 3 & 6. You may or may not get along well with those with the Life Path number 9. You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 1, 5 & 7. The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2441501.5. The golden number for 1972 is 16. The epact number for 1972 is 14. The year 1972 was a leap year. Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 2/15/1972 and ending 2/2/1973. You were born in the Chinese year of the Rat. Your Native American Zodiac sign is Woodpecker; your plant is Wild Rose. You were born in the Egyptian month of Paopy, the second month of the season of Poret (Emergence - Fertile soil). Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 22 Tammuz 5732. Or if you were born after sundown then the date is 23 Tammuz 5732. The Mayan Calendar long count date of your birthday is 12.17.18.16.17 which is 12 baktun 17 katun 18 tun 16 uinal 17 kin The Hijra (Islamic Calendar) date of your birth is Monday, 21 Jumadiyu'l-Avval 1392 (1392-5-21). The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 2 April 1972. The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 9 April 1972. The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 16 February 1972. The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 21 May 1972. The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 28 May 1972. The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Saturday, 9 September 1972. The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Thursday, 30 March 1972. The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 15 February 1972. As of 9/7/2007 11:21:01 PM EDT You are 35 years old. You are 422 months old. You are 1,835 weeks old. You are 12,849 days old. You are 308,399 hours old. You are 18,503,961 minutes old. You are 1,110,237,661 seconds old. Celebrities who share your birthday: Tom Cruise (1962) Montel Williams (1956) Alan Autry (1952) Tom Stoppard (1937) Ken Russell (1927) Franz Kafka (1883) George M. Cohan (1878) Top songs of 1972 The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face by Roberta Flack Alone Again (Naturally) by Gilbert O'Sullivan American Pie by Don McLean Without You by Nilsson I Can See Clearly Now by Johnny Nash A Horse with No Name by America Baby Don't Get Hooked On Me by Mac Davis Me and Mrs. Jones by BillyPaul The Candy Man by Sammy Davis, Jr. Lean On Me by Bill Withers Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 5.02896281800391 years old. (You're still chasing cats!) Your lucky day is Monday. Your lucky number is 2 & 7. Your ruling planet(s) is Moon. Your lucky dates are 1st, 10th, 19th, 28th. Your opposition sign is Capricorn. Your opposition number(s) is 8. Today is one of your lucky days! There are 300 days till your next birthday on which your cake will have 36 candles. Those 36 candles produce 36 BTUs, or 9,072 calories of heat (that's only 9.0720 food Calories!) . You can boil 4.11 US ounces of water with that many candles. In 1972 there were approximately 3.7 million births in the US. In 1972 the US population was approximately 203,302,031 people, 57.4 persons per square mile. In 1972 in the US there were approximately 2,158,802 marriages (10.6%) and 708,000 divorces (3.5%) In 1972 in the US there were approximately 1,921,000 deaths (9.5 per 1000) In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds. In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds. In 1972 the population of Australia was approximately 13,409,288. In 1972 there were approximately 264,969 births in Australia. In 1972 in Australia there were approximately 114,029 marriages and 15,655 divorces. In 1972 in Australia there were approximately 109,760 deaths. Your birthstone is Ruby The Mystical properties of Ruby Ruby is said to open one's heart to love. Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources) Carnelian Your birth tree is Apple Tree, the Love Of slight build, lots of charm, appeal and attraction, pleasant aura, flirtatious, adventurous, sensitive, always in love, wants to love and be loved, faithful and tender partner, very generous, scientific talents, lives for today, a carefree philosopher with imagination. There are 109 days till Christmas 2007! There are 122 days till Orthodox Christmas! The moon's phase on the day you were born was waning gibbous.

WELL HERE IS MY LIFE IN NUT SHELL I'M SINGLE AND NOT REALLY LOOKING THAT HARD MAINLY BECAUSE I FIGURE AS THE OLD SAYING GOES IT'S WHEN YOUR NOT LOOKING THAT THE RIGHT ONE FOR YOU COMES ALONG.. I AM NOT EXPECTING PERFECTION NOR DO I WANT IT , BUT I DO WANT SOMEONE THAT IS ABLE TO OPEN HER HEART NOT ONLY TO ME BUT MY SON AS WELL BECAUSE HE IS PART OF THE PACKAGE AND WILL ALWAYS COME FIRST .. I HAVE HIM 24/7 EXCEPT WHEN HE IS AT SCHOOL OR I AM AT WORK , WHAT I AM SAYIN IS THAT I HAVE HIM FULLTIME THERE ARE NO BREAKS , NO WEEKENDS TO MYSELF HIS BIRTH MOTHER HAS NOT CALLED TO TALK TO HIM SINCE JUNE 8TH NOR HAS SHE EVEN BOTHERED TO WRITE OR SEND HIM ANY PRESENTS FOR THE LAST 2 CHRISTMAS'S AND BIRTHDAYS AND THE LAST TIME SHE HAS SEEN HIM WAS OVER A YR AGO.. SO I AM ALL HE REALLY HAS THE ONE THAT HE CAN DEPEND ON TO BE THERE AND TO BE HONEST IF THAT MEANS I AM TO STAY SINGLE AND NOT DATE TILL HE IS 18 THEN SO BE IT ( HE IS MY NUMBER ONE PRIORITY ) .. I CAN PLACE MY NEEDS OR WANTS ON HOLD FOR THE TIME BEING MAINLY BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BE ONE OF THOSE DADS THAT BRINGS A DIFFERENT GIRL IN AND OUT OF HIS LIFE AND JUST CONSTANTLY HURT HIM THAT WOULD BE SELFISH OF ME NOW I'M NOT SAYIN I AM CLOSED OFF TO GOIN OUT AND MEETING SOMEONE SPECIAL BUT IT WOULD BE MONTHS BEFORE SHE WOULD EVER MEET HIM JUST TO PROTECT HIS HEART AS WELL AS MY OWN .. NOW FOR WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR IN A LADY , SHE MUST HAVE A OPEN HEART , A KIND SMILE , SOFT EYES AND A DECENT PERSONALITY OTHER THAN THAT NOTHING ELSE MATTERS LOOKS , COLOR , NATIONALITY , WEIGHT , HEIGHT , HAIR/EYE COLOR , AGE (WITHIN REASON) NONE OF THAT MATTERS TO ME BECAUSE THE BEAUTY OR UGLINESS INSIDE WILL SHINE THROUGH .. I HAVE BEEN RATED 10'S AND EVEN A FEW 11'S BUT TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THAT 5 IS BEING NICE I DO NOT CONSIDER MYSELF ALL THAT AND I DON'T CLAIM TO BE I'M JUST AN AVERAGE AMERICAN MALE NOTHING MORE NOTHING LESS (BUT THANK YOU FOR THE KIND RATINGS) .. I AM FAR FROM PERFECT AND I DON'T EXPECT ANYONE ELSE TO BE PERFECT, WE ALL HAVE OUR FAULTS AND ISSUES THAT'S LIFE AND WE ALL HAVE OUR BAGGAGE AND INSECURITIES.. OK SO NOW THAT I HAVE RAMBLED ON ABOUT THAT MORE THAN PERHAPS I SHOULD HAVE I HAVE SOMETHING ELSE I WANT SAY OR RATHER ASK , WHY DO PEOPLE PRETEND TO BE SOMETHING THEY AREN'T ? I KNOW ON HERE IT IS EASY TO LIE , CHEAT , STEAL , OR BETRAY JUST CAUSE IT HAPPENS ON HERE DOESN'T MEAN IT'S OK .. YOU WANT TO GET MY ATTENTION AND KEEP IT JUST BE HONEST AND REAL , CAUSE I WILL , I HAVE NO REASON TO LIE OR PRETEND IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME FOR WHO I AM AND AREN'T ABLE TO ACCEPT ME FOR ME AND WHAT I HAVE OR IN SOME CASES DON'T HAVE THEN YOUR NOT SOMEONE I NEED IN MY OR MY SONS LIFE ..