Musical SINphony's blog: "thoughts"

How do you keep on iving through the days when there seems like nothing to live for? I wake up some mornings and realize that yes theres nowhere to go but up and yet I get so tired of falling back down every time i try to climb. In the past 2 years i've lost two relationships countless friends my home my job twice some family and even a step child i considered my on so where does life begin to change? Is it so wrong to feel this way? Everyone says keep your head up or you can do it and I don't see why you won't try harder. The problem is they don't notice how long i've struggled and how hard i've worked just to have it all end in nothing. No one seems to realize that some of us just give and give and igve until there's nothing left with no regard to ourselves so that when we turn around to better ourselves there's just nothing left in the tank anymore to keep fighting. I just have nothing left to give and yet more is always asked of me as if I should be an example for others but when does it become someone else's turn? When you hold that sort of weight in a social circle something has to give and yet everyone wonders why you couldn't handle it when everything comes crashing down in a fiery mess from the strain on my shoulders. Some people consider suicide the cowards way out and yet some cultures considered it an honorable death when the battle had been lost. So yes I do constantly consider the option as many people these days do and it is a sad state of affairs for those close to us to consider but when we reach out for help from it how does ridiculing our choices or saying you don't understand and to suck it up or get over it help anything? I've grown to realize over the years that it doesn't matter how hard you try or how much you have going for you anyone is succeptible to lifes downs and might take their life. I guess all i'm saying is in the end think twice before you judge that friend that's always down or the friend that feels lonely every day because their small complaints or sadness might get annoying sometimes however are you sure you won't miss them if they take that plunge into darkness tomorrow? I sadly know very few who will miss me if i decide to take that journey for a final time......