I LET MY EMOTIONS GET AHEAD OF MYSELF. WELL I WOULD SAY ABOUT SIXTY PERCENT OF THE TIME. NO MATTER HOW MUCH I TRY TO CONTROL THEM IT SEEMS I LET IT HAPPEN. I HAVE HAD MY SHARE OF HURTING FOR A LIFE TIME SO I AM TRYING NOT TO LET MY MOTIONS GET AHEAD OF THINGS WHEN IT COMES TO MEETING PEOPLE. BUT THERE IS ONLY ONE PERSON THAT HAS MADE IT EVEN HARDER FOR ME TO CONTROL THEM BUT I KNOW IF I DONT I WILL LOSE HIM AND I DONT WANT TO DO THAT. AND EVEN IF I DO GET THEM UNDER CONTROL THERE IS NO GUARANETTE THAT HE WILL STAY.
I KNOW I HAVE TO BE PATIENT AS WELL, AND THEN AGAIN PATIENTS IS ANOTHER THING THAT I HAVE A HARD TIME WITH WHEN COMES TO SOMETHING OR SOMEONE THAT I WANT IN MY LIFE. I ALSO KNOW THAT IN ORDER TO HAVE THEM I HAVE TO WORK ON BEING PATIENT AND MOST OF ALL THESE FREAKING CRAZY EMOTIONS OF MINE THAT SEEM TO "FUCK" THINGS UP FOR ME NO MATTER HOW MUCH I TRY TO CONTROL THEM.
I TELL MY SELF WHEN AND IF I MEET THIS GENTLEMAN THAT I WOULDNT DO THAT, WELL GUESS WHAT THE SHIT WENT APE SHIT..LOL.... AND NOW I AM SURE THAT I HAVE LOST HIM FOREVER NOW AND THAT REALLY HURTS MY HEART CUZ I FUCKIN LOVE THIS MAN FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART AND SOUL.
BUT THEN AGAIN YA NEVER KNOW HOW THINGS WILL WORK THEMSELVES OUT, AND ALL I KNOW IS I WILL HAVE TO LEARN FROM THIS AND BECOME EVEN MORE STRONGER THAN EVER. AS THIS WILL BE A TEACHING TOOL FOR ME TO SIT BACK AND TAKE A LONG HARD LOOK AT WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN THE FIRST PLACE.
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