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Through a Childs Eye's

A child is so innocent and pure. They never ask or question why they are here. To them they think, Their meant to be here. To them, they think they were created from love and they are wanted. From the time they were born, All they see and know is of his Mother, Grandmother, Grandfather, Aunt, and Uncle. They are innocent as new borns, don't really know any better. A few months pass, a young man starts coming around. Spending alot of time with the child's Mommy, and spending alot of time with the child. The child thinks, this Man must be my daddy! Days, Weeks, Months go by and this Man is still around. I know who he is, I recognize the tattoo on his forearm. When he holds me, I search for those colors on his arm. I have to play and taste it every time I see him. Now he is married to my Mommy. We are a family, this is my Daddy! Days, weeks, months, years go by! A small child grows up to be a smart, funny, lively little boy. His whole world is wrapped around this one Guy, who decided to step up and be a father figure to this little boy. All because he thought he was such a cute kid. This little boy follows the Man he knows as his Daddy. Trys to be like him, and wants to be exactly like him!, When he grows up. So proud that his Daddy is a Marine! A Marine, that fights and protects the innocents, Who fights to protect his family. A few years have gone by now, The little boy is now 3 yrs old. He feels special because, he now has a little sister. His Mommy spends alot of time taking care of his sister, and His daddy spends alot time with him! The Joys on the faces of the Father and Son is so priceless and so pure. It just makes your heart melt. But the sadness, when the child is away from his father just rips your heart in two. The sorrow in the childs eyes of being without his father brings any man to tears. And yet the child stays strong, because he knows that is what his daddy would want him to do! After all he is going to be a Marine just like his Dad. Times change, Parents start changing, their feelings and emotions start to change. The little boy, has gotten older, his sister has gotten bigger. She is even starting to get into the little boys toys and things. The Mother is starting to spend more time with both the kids, Cause the father just isn't around or doesn't feel like being bothered. The child notices how much his Daddy spends away from the house, with his friends and staying out all night long or on his car. He notices, the tears his Mommy has been trying to hide from him. Notices, The pain, hurt, tears of depression in his Mommies' eyes, when there use to be filled with love, laughter. So the child wonders, Why isn't his daddy making his Mommy happy like he use too! Why isn't his day spending more time at home? Why isn't his daddy spending time with him anymore? WHat did he do, that was so wrong? The child starts to wonder what he can do to make his Daddy Love him again, and want to spend time with him? His daddy admits he has been doing some terrible things. He and his Mother, have got some things to work out. But he shouldn't have to worry. Everything will get better and be alright. Instead, This Child's life starts to turn upside down. Here is this live, vibrant little boy, Who starts having breathing problems & very nasty headaches. He can't seem to get well. He knows his daddy is worried about him. Has fallen asleep in his daddy's arms after spending many hours coughing and throwing up. Has listen to his daddy along with his Mommy, raising hell with the doctors trying to figure out what is wrong with their son. Not getting much answers from anyone. Yet his parents are doing everything in the power to make their son better. In the middle of the crisis, The little boys' father has left again for war. Not knowing, that this time, Daddy isn't going to be coming back the same! A year has passed by, The Childs Mother has done alot of fighting of her own, On the home front. Trying to keep her children alive, well, and happy. Her son has been seeing some special doctors that have been helping him deal with what he now knows is Asthma. The Child has seen his Mother, break down and cry after a really ugly conversation with his Daddy. He's noticed alot of things have been happing around him. Mommy has taken on both roles as Mother and Father! Mommy is always on the go, having to take care of lots of medical problems pertaining to the himself. Through his eyes he see's all the stress his Mommy is under. All he thinks about is the last words his Daddy said before he left for War! " Son your in charge now!, Take good care of your Mother and sister. Helping Mommy out and be a good little boy for Daddy!! I love you, and I will see you soon! " With a tear rolling down his face, the child trys to be the big brother to his sister, trys to be the big helper to his Mother, and Trys so hard to be a good boy for his daddy!! All he wanted to do was make his daddy proud! His Mother's see's the change in her son. Notices how much he has grown, and how hard he trys to help take care of his Mommy & sister. Just like his Daddy asked him too! Yet Mommy notices how sad, depressed, hurt, and angry her child is. She even makes a Poster for her son, of his daddy and of the places he is, and of the reason why his daddy isn't at home with his little boy. With the help of his Daddy, His Mommy prints the pictures that the childs father has sent, and places them on the poster. So her son, can still be proud of his Daddy and see him everyday and everynight before he falls asleep. Afew months after his 7th Birthday, The child's biggest wish has come true. His daddy was coming home!! Never did he realize that alot has changed. His Daddy just wasn't the same anymore. This man, that the child knew as his Daddy, Just wasn't his daddy! This man, Looked like his Daddy, Talked like his Daddy, But just didn't act like his Daddy. Through a childs eyes, He see's alot of hatered, sadness, anger, and fear. Something he has never seen in his father's eyes before. Through his eyes, He's never seen his Daddy act out of anger, never seen him put holes into walls with his fist or his head. Never seen his Daddy cry from the guilt of placing those holes there. With so much going on in this childs home. He doesn't know what he to do. He see's his Mother and Father arguing all the time. Has seen his Daddy push his Mommy. Yet he doesn't know why, his Daddy is hurting his Mommy. His Mommy tells her child, that she has done a very terrible thing, and daddy is just punishing her for her misdeeds. She continues to tell her child, that it's nothing that he has done to make his daddy mad. The blame all lies with her. Because of her misdeeds, she will be going to get some help, and try to make her marriage better. With that said, The child starts to see a difference in his Mom. She has been getting help. His Daddy has started going with her. They are both starting to act happy again. The child is seeing his Mommy and Daddy kissing all the time again. He see's his Mommy spending all her time with Daddy, and trying to make him happy. Through the childs eyes, He is happy again! Cause his Mother and Father aren't fighting anymore. Are actually happy again, They are playing together, joking, laughing, and having fun with eachother and with the kids. Through the childs eyes, He notices all the family things that are doing together again. Through his eyes, his world couldn't be any more perfect!! He never saw what was coming next, He was too blinded by the pain in his head to see how he was making his Mother and Father worry. Doesn't noticed his daddy rushing him to the hospital, because the child wouldn't wake up. Because he was burning up with fever. Has no idea, that the doctors are all trying to figure out what is wrong with this little boy. All he knows is that the pain in his head is really hurting him. The child didn't even know, that his Mommy got the neighbors to watch his little sister so she could be at the hospital with her child. He doesn't hear the doctors talking to his Mother and Father about the possibilities of a brain tumor. Nor does he hear for the first time, that his daddy isn't his real Daddy. All he hears is Mommy and Daddy, having a serious discussion about their son. He just knows that he needs to start feeling better. So his Mommy and Daddy don't have to worry so much about him. Hours later, The child was able to go home with his parents to rest. After spending a few days in bed, and being pampered and spoiled by his Mother and Father. The childs parents decide they need to tell their son a little story about his life and his birth. With this story, The child learns the truth of the man he has always known as his daddy! Learns that, his real father never really wanted anything to do with him. But yet still shares some of his blood within him. Hints the reasons why the concern about the brain tumor. Because his real father, once had a brain tumor as well. Through the childs eyes, he sheds some tears. Tears for feeling like an outsider. Tears for not being wanted by his real father. Through these tears, he hears the voice of the man who to him has always been his daddy. Through his eyes, He hears his daddy tell him, that he is and always has been his son. Through his eyes, He hear his daddy, ask a question. Hears his daddy ask, If the child would like for his daddy to adopt him, and have the child's lastname be changed like the rest of the family? Through the tears of a little boy's eyes, He says Yes! The child, explains to his daddy, That he is and will always be his son, and no amount of blood will tell him different. Through the eyes of a child, he see's his Daddy cry and feels his daddy holding his son very tight. Months go by, The doctors tell the childs parents, that he doesn't have a brain tumor. Actually the child has been suffering with a severe migraines. As yet, they are unsure of why the child has been having them, nor do they know when they will attack. All they can do, is do more test and the child will have to take medications for now on, to control the migraines. At this time, the child is already use to take medicine for his Asthma, sinus, allergies, and for ADD/ADHD hypertention disorder. With each passing day, the child wonders when his name will be changed like his daddy. All he gets from him Dad when asking, is soon, when the time is right, or when you get older. At this time, The child notices, daddy playing on the computer again, and not spending much time with him. Daddy is drinking alot again. See's how his Mommy is trying to ignore Daddy. He knows daddy has been doing something to make Mommy mad again. The child has been hearing his Mommy and Daddy fighting again. notices, Daddy taking off and doesn't come back. The child notices, the tears running down his mother crying again. Now all the child can do is get mad. Cause now, he thinks his daddy doesn't want him anymore. Doesn't want his Mommy any more. All he see's now, is how upset his Mommy is, when his Mommy is upset, his sister starts crying. The child is confused and doesn't know what to do. His Mother and Father are fighting and talking about Divorce. He over hears his mother talking to someone about a young girl that keeps calling my daddy. The childs hears his Mother and Father fighting about this girl. Hears his Mommy crying even more. Hears his daddy tell his Mommy, she isn't the wife he wanted anymore. She wasn't skinny enough, she didn't take care of herself anymore. She didn't dress up anymore or wear makeup anymore. To the childs eye, his Mommy was pretty. She is prettier than any other Mommies out there. Through the childs eyes, His daddy didn't know what he was talking about! Soon the child will come to realize that things between his Mother and Father were never going to be the same. Yes his Mother and Father tried for awhile to make things work out. his Mommy was still seeing her Therapist, Daddy stop drinking. They were even talking, smiling, and joking again. Then the day came for us to move. Because Daddy didn't want to be a Marine any more. Daddy said, he needed to get out of the Marines, and he needed to get away to clear his head. He needed to get away to figure out what he wanted to do with his life and what he wanted out of it. We were moving to Va to live with Grandma again. But we were only suppose to stay with her for a few months. Cause daddy said, he was going to come and get us and all of us, were going to move to NJ to live near Grandma B and all our Aunts, Uncles, and cousins. But he never showed up. Through a child's eyes he see's the all the empty promises he Father has made him. He realizes his daddy, isn't going to come and see him or his sister. Through a child's eyes, He see's how hard life has become without his Daddy around. He see's His Mommy, fighting to keep her head above water, and struggling to take care of him and his sister. Also noticing, all the things his Mother is doing to help his Grandmother. The child has come to realize he doesn't have a father. He has been abandon again, by the one man he has always known as his Daddy! Through a childs eyes' you will see the pain, hurt, sorrow, hatered, and the tears for the one Man who he so idolized, and wanted to be just like him! But realizes, The Man name Jay ( Arthur H Frazer Jr ) who he still calls Daddy, will never be around to see him grow up, never see him grow into a man. Who he now knows he can not trust to be there for him when he needs him the Most. Through a childs eyes, He is coming to terms, and understand, That the one person he can really count on and trust is his Mommy, Devilish_Angel ( Melissa Frazer )

Tears of Fears

Right now I've shed so many tears, for not knowing whats' life has in stored. At least I know I won't be bored!! The burden's of divorce will leave a mark with such a force. It's up to us to decided on what course we should take. Or something is going to break!! I've shed so many tears for so many years. I shed tears for joy, pain, sorrow, and for even the rain. Today I shed a few more tears for not knowing whats going to happen tomorrow. I shed so many tears for fear of losing you! With yesterday and today being done and all those tears are now long gone. There's nobody to promise tomorrow, and all I have left is a burden of sorrow. With the truth now known and the future is still yet to be told. I can't allow people see my tears, Nor can I let my children to see my fears. So I shed more tears for no hope insight, and all my dreams have taken flight. With the burdens of the past, prevents my current relationships to last. The sadness I feel makes it all seem so unreal. I shed more tears today, because I can feel you pulling away! God knows how I want you to stay. Through the sadness and tears you chase away my fears! You turned my childrens fears into wonderful cheers. The look in your eyes, the smile on your face is such a sweet surprise. The warm embrace you place apon my face washes away the fears within. In time our pain will heal if only you would allow yourself to feel again!! So tonight I shed many more tears wishing you would see what we share is so very real. How I wish you see the problems you have, you can share with me. So I ask you to please let me in, cause I don't think I can stand by and let you be all alone and miserable without me. That is how my life would end up, if you don't learn to wake and see exactly what it is you mean to me!!
With so many challenges we face everyday and obstacles we have to endure with each waking day. We never really take the time to value and treasure the beauty that life presents us with. We are so blinded by our griefs, struggles, and pain. We fail to notice the wonderful gifts that life presents us with in so many different ways. We take for granted those that come into our lives and never really truely see the beauty that their presents bring to us. We fail to embrace and treasure who and what they are to us and what they bring into our lives, until one day for some odd reason they are nolonger gracing us with their presents! Friends come and go, Some stay for only just a brief moment and others stay for a life time. But it's up to us validate and appreciate the beauty in who they are and what they represent, and how they enrich our lives with their presents. Never take your friends for granted. Cause they sure don't take you for granted. If that friend is someone special and dear to you, Always take the time to show them just how much you value, love, respect,treasure, and appreciate them for who they are and what they mean to you!! Other wise you will lose them forever, and never knowing how truely loved and blessed you were to have someone that special in your life!!

Torn Desire

I am desired by many, Of all different races and faces. They want to claim me as their one and only. They love my smile, they love my style. My Eyes drive them men wild. Their captivated by my charms, yet they want to embrace me in their arms. All Because my personality is so unique. Not so many woman can compete! For the man I once come to love is yet to be no more. But yet so many men come knocking on my door. As for the guy I truely seek, He just tells me to take a flying leap. He claims I have a heart of gold. Yet he doesn't want me to hold. DAMN! Life can be so cold! So whats a girl to do when she has know one to hold? Except the fate that has been told, and just be a little bold. Guard the heart and come to understand he just wasn't ready to be your man. To attempt to love another is just asking for nothing but trouble. In time you shall see the importance and value of what love can really be!!
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