I'm in a selfish point in my life right now. I honestly can say that I enjoy having time for me again. Not having to worry about calling a man, doing things for him, or making sure his needs are met. It's actually the first time in a long time that I have been able to focus on me. I have put so many guys needs before my own.
Weird thing is I'm not terribly lonely. I thought I would be. I thought I'd be struggling with not having sex but it has been amazingly easy. I have turned a few guys down, or just walked away from the situation without giving in. I'm pretty proud of myself, as this is not who I was almost a year ago. Me, last year around this time would have gave in because that was what the guy wanted. I was always so eager to "please" and to be accepted.
Now, I'm like "fuck it" either the guy likes me for who I am, or he can find some other girl to fool around with. I refuse to lower myself to have meaningless sex with just anyone. I want to have a meaningful relationship with someone who is worthwhile. Someone who knows the real me, and accepts it. But that won't be for quite some time as I also want my divorce to be final before I resume dating.
It feels good to not fall to pieces like I thought I would because I'm alone. I really thought I couldn't hold it together without a man in my life. There is a few things I miss, like having someone to love, and to tell "I love you" to, having a warm body to snuggle up againist during the night, or those awesome bear hugs after being apart for a few hours. I miss those things alot. But at least, when I get it all back I will appreciate it even more. So anyway, just wanted to put my thoughts and feelings out there today. Thanks for reading. :)
