STRWBRYSWEET322's blog: "why cant it be?"

So I had a blind date this weekend...It was fun and he was good looking but it just wasnt there for me. The whole time I thought of the last guy I was with. As I found out that I might be getting more then friendly feelings for one of my closest guy friends. I hate how confused I am. I miss the last guy... I really am feelin' my guy friend...but the guy that I met this weekend isnt for me. I want things to work out for me.

It just kills how everyone tends to believe everything they hear. I lost some who ment so much to me over a stupid rumor. But all I know is when I finally start feeling happy something shitty happens and then it just keeps going down from there. I want so badly just for things to work out for me once in my life. I want to just find someone who can see past my past and see me and love me for that not for what they wanted me to be but for the person I am and for the person I my become. I have always been straight forward with my feelings and I wish that people would be the same to me. The way I feel isnt a joke. I wish that others would just throw words around that they dont mean. It just jurts is all I know. I put my feelings on the line and again it was only to get slapped in the face again. Maybe someday I will be loved and it wont just be words out of a persons mouth it will be for real they will care.

oi... i dont know what to say... i am way happy. but yet there is this thing bugging me and i am not totally sure what it is.. i want to be just completely happy... But its getting to me... I am slowly feeling more and more emepty inside. **sigh** what is a girl to do.

Sometime people can really surprize you! It was really sweet last night one of my friends went out of his way to make me feel better when I was done. YAY!!! I feel so lucky to be me... The only sucky part is I like him as more then a friend but I feel that he only see's me as a FWB. But what can a girl do!!!

Oi I AM SO SICK OF FAKE PEOPLE WHO ACT LIKE YOUR FRIENDS BUT REALLY ARE NOT. I JUST WANT TO SCREAM! FOUR YEARS AGO TODAY ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS TOOK HER OWN LIFE AND I CAN NOT DEAL WITH ALL THIS THEY CAN ALL GO FUCK A DONKEY!!!! GOD THEY NEED TO GET THERE OWN LIVES...

ITS JUST SO LAME THAT EVERY GUY I FALL FOR TURNS OUT TO BE A FREAKING TOOLBUCKET. GUYS JUST TOTALLY CONFUSE ME! BUT THATS KINDA THERE JOB. I DONT SEE WHY MY EX JUST CAN NOT LET ME GO HE IS THE ONE TO FUCK UP NOT ME SO WHY AM I SUCH A BAD PERSON NOT TO LET HIM BACK? AND THEN THE GUY I HAVE BEEN HAVING A THING WITH IS SO ON AGAIN, OFF AGAIN IT MAKE ME JUST WANT TO GIVE UP ON GUYS AND TURN INTO A NUN OR SOMETHING. GOD!!!!!!IT JUST DRIVES ME CRAZY. WHY CAN'T I JUST HAVE A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP THAT I KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON. HA HA LIKE THAT IS GOING HAPPEN OR WHEN I THINK IT HAS HE GOES AND FUCKIN CHEATS ON ME... Oi!!!! XOXO YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME! MARY LEE