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What are you waiting for?
Why is it, that the person you most want, can't be the one you get? I recently told a girl that I loved her, that I have loved her for several years. This fact was actually causing me stress and I think affecting my health. Now, this girl is several years younger than me, but she is quite mature and very smart. She is also, the most beautiful person I know. I have been afraid to tell her for a very long time, because I did not want to lose her friendship, which is very important to me, very. I truly did not want to know what it would be like to not have her in my life, in some way.
I was not able to tell her face to face. She lives in a different city than me and I am on the road with my job. But I had to tell her, so I e-mailed her. I didn't get to put everything in it that I wanted, as I didn't want to overwhelm her. But I did tell her.
She responded a couple of days later. Now, I have to tell you that I did not expect anything. Well, I did expect that she would not have the same feelings that I did. And guess what? She said exactly that. She does not share those feelings, and it hurt her to say so, because we are friends. And that I would not lose her freindship.
We have texted a few times since and things are ok. I feel much better, not so much stress, alot less, really. And yes, I think about her all the time. But I can go on, as I have for my 47 years. Still searching, still hoping, still trying to fill this hole in me, the other part of me. It's out there, somewhere. That's why there's hope, right?
p.s.
This is not what I started to write, I was going to write something else, but I guess this needed to come out too.
The dream is lost, the love is gone
Adrift in a sea of darkness,
The Universe has never felt so small,
but everyone is so far away.
Lonelyness is my friend,
I have never hated a friend so.
We are boon companions
on a trip forever
In darkness we float.
Yet I still feel,
the gravity of the 1 I love
so far, far away.
Why, when I see your picture does It cause such great JOY and at the same time a hurt in the heart? The joy is so profound that It has made men wage war just gain a smile. The pain and hurt, at the same time, has made man so meloncoly that the thought of life is of no concequence and great deeds have been wroght for that same smile.
I am no great writer nor a poet. But I can almost feel what the great warrior poets might have felt. The joy of battle in a great cause, to protect your home, your family, your love... Or to sit in the quiet of night, surrounded by hundreds but totally alone with thoughts of the love you'd die for, but only wanting to live for.
I don't believe I was born in the wrong age, a thousand years too late... Maybe a thousand too soon. I may be one of those souls who yearn for adventure, to seek out new things, to boldly go forth into the unknown, to capture knowledge, to conquer fear. All of this for one who could care less for the feats, who just would take that man for himself. Of course, no man ever sees what he needs to do until it is too late. But at just 1 word he would do it again and again, for that smile, for the kerchief from her hand, for the look in her eye that he never understands is love.
I am no great man. I am no warrior. I am no poet or writer of prose. I am a man. I love, I hurt...I see your picture, hear your voice and I would destroy worlds at your word
