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What are you waiting for?
Sitting alone in the darkness, aching to see your face, the smile that brings a million stars to your eyes, the voice that echos for an eternity inside my head, wondering if you look at the stars and think of me, wondering if you miss me as I do you, thinking about all the time we spend together, talking, playing, laughing loving, hours upon hours go so fast like only minutes have passed, wondering if life will ever be the same, knowing that this is all so much better than it was before, wanting nothing more than to love you for always, needing your heart in mine, knowing that i will love you until the universe stops spinning...
ive been broken and shattered into millions of pieces, destroyed, oblivated, and forgotten, left alone, torn apart and struggling to regain even a semblence of my former self, i walked so high and mighty, unafraid of everything with you by my side, and you left me alone, staring into the darkest of places which my soul could not hide, so many years i stood in that darkness, looking for a light, a way out, to see myself as i was, to become who i used to be, it wasnt meant to happen and it wasnt mean to be, my life is changed, i am not the same, i have become better, and no longer insane, ive found someone who showed me the way, out of darknes, away from the pain, she lifted me up high and said never look back, took my hand and rediscovered my lifes plan, to love again, to share my heart, with her i again have no fear of the unknown, no darkness can steal away my heart again, its safe inside hers, where fate has placed it, where it shall stay..... always....
So many moments, so much time, wasted away looking for the devine. Then it happend, by chance one day, I met the one, who swept me away. How was it all possible, was this meant to be, or is this some cruel twist of fate, leaving me to wonder, and wait. I see her in my dreams, my every waking thought is consumed with thoughts of the one who stole my breath with just a word, a look, a smile. She is the one who makes days shorter, and memories last longer, the one for whom I breathe...
I sit and wait for that moment, the anticipation killing me inside, wondering if the feelings are returned, or if I am just living a fantasy. I think about all the words that are said, the glances exchanged, the memories made, and know that inside these feeling are too real to ignore, to scary to not explore. I sit and wait for the moment it all comes true, the moment when I can finally be with you, for the longing inside to subside, for the heat we create to explode in our minds. Knowing this can never be more, and yet wanting to explore the possibility, wondering if it will all end with it feeling complete, or if what is there is enough to sustain the constant hunger inside....
When I am with her my heart races and my breath quickens.
When I think of her I get chemical reactions that no one can stop.
The hunger inside is so strong and primal at the mention of her name.
The kisses linger on my lips till next we meet, making me ache with passion at wanting more, never wanting to stop.
Hearts on fire, cant stop it now, waiting for the touch to sooth my desire.
Her lips are like a drug, her body the vessel, all i want is another hit to subdue my addiction.
Tormented during sleepless nights alone, wanting her beside me, to touch and feel, the breath on the back of my neck makes me spring to attention, waiting for her to move so silently still and yet every motion creates an explosion inside.
Wanting... Waiting...Needing one last kiss...
I see the light shinning at the end of the tunnel, walking along the darkness, struggling to reach the open air. Tired of suffocating in my own self pity, waiting to breath freely again. The constrants of despire bind me within my own mind, racing against the clock of death to escape them, not seeing a way out, not knowing how to overcome. Is it all a dream, or is this the reality I am bound to.
Crying out to be heard, screaming inside my own head, sounds dont penitrate the outter world, you see what you wish to see, never seeing past the exterior of what is the real me, never knowing the depths to which I have fallen.
I tell you everything, you hear me not, listening to my words they never seem to sink into your soul as I wish they would. Wondering if its all for not, watching you become anothers, seeing that kills me inside, knowing you will never be mine. Why bother anymore with matters of the heart when all I ever wanted was to be loved as I love. I now walk in the shadows, not looking into the light for there is nothing left there for me, no one sees me as I am, for the man I have become, but instead as a figment of their imagination, a mere shadow of my former self, a distant memory as i used to be and no purporse to change, no reason to become something more, something worth loving...
year by year, day by day, i feel my existence slipping away, a look back at the past to what I was, what I had, flash forward to now, just another wasted day. Wanting nothing more than to recapture my old glory, the days long gone, wishing to be the man I knew then. I sit and cry in my soul, while you laugh and go about your way, never seeing the sadness inside, never seeing me for who I truely am, not knowing my desires, nor my pain, never showing for fear of being weak again. Looking in the mirror I dont know who looks back, a man of pain, a man of hurt, coldness lurks inside my heart, to its very core its frozen from the past, can it be changed, can i once again become...
