The Seven Sins of parenting an only child....
1. Overindulgence - both material and Emotional .. now even those with more children have to admit that they did both with their first child, it seems impossible not to just because they are new to you, they become your world, they help you get your life together if you were having trouble doing that before they came into your life. Keep in mind though that this can spell disaster in the future especially if you end up with other children or if you learn moderation early on it can be managable.
2. Overprotection - Now in these days and age it is hard not to be overprotective of any children you have be they your only or amongst several in a brood. But you also have to keep in mind that children who are hampered in their confidence building early on because their parents were very overprotective, often end up with social issues and anxiety as they get older. Protect, know where they are and what they are doing but don't breath down their neck, there is a happy medium in there.
3. Failure to Discipline - This of course ties into our ability and willingness to face confrontation dispite the common dislike of doing so. The steps you need to work on to make sure you discipline with kind firmness is: Learning the importance of limits, building a better(meaning more personalized) way of discipline, discipline equal to their age group and avoid discipline anxiety for both you and your child.
4. Overcompensation - We often overcomensate with our first/only children because we end up feeling guilty about some discipline or limitation we've placed on them, the best way to deal with this is to look at the guilt and see what it is really based in and also avoid overcompensating at all which is a very hard task to accomplish.
5. Seeking Perfection - Ok we all do this, place our hopes and dreams on our child, especially if they are our first/only. We envision them as doctors, or pro fottball players or whatever else OUR dreams manifest and though it is alright to want those things for your child, putting undo pressure on them because we think what we want for them is the best thing, can end in disaster and can destroy or at least badly strain the parent/child relationship in the long run.
6. Treating your Child like and Adult - This can be hazzardous in many ways but the most prominent being that we affectively steal their childhood and their time to learn and go, explore and enjoy as they should. Although the bright side to this is that an only/first child who spends a substantial amount of time with adults, doing adult things will be more relaxed around teachers, job interviews, meeting new grown-ups but to have this they will loose out on their ability to identify with other children and though they are more likely to be able to take care of themselves if the need arises, they will feel less like a loved child than they should.
7. Overpraising - We've all done this as well I'm sure. We have praised our only/first child at every accommplishment that we deem worthy of it and that is usually a lot because we are kept so anamored by our first/only child that everything they do is a cheerable incident. We tend to over-glamorize every little thing even those things that we shouldn't because this is the first and only time we will really be watching an infant offspring's progress. This creates unrealistic expectations. An only/first child who is overpraised can become a praise addict and do just about anything for praise or, if our issue is giving material praise, expect a toy for everything they do. We have to learn to praise without attaching the expectations or further praise or material things.
None of these "Sins" are easy to overcome but it can be done with patience and a little ingenuity!
Hope this gave you something to think about and that it can be helpful to those who need it, I know it helped and is still helping me!
