A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's
final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up
tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family
member's death.
One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual
exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter.
After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student,
and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
A man walks onto an airplane and takes his seat. He looks up and
notices the most beautiful woman he has ever seen boarding the
plane. He is nervous, and soon realizes that she is walking down
the aisle toward him. When she takes the seat right next to him,
he is anxious to begin a conversation. He asks, "Where are you
flying to today?"
She responds, "To the Annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago."
His mind reeling, he asks, "And what do you do at this meeting?"
"Well," she says, "We try to dissolve some of the popular myths
about sexuality."
"And what myths are those?" he continues, choking back his
excitement.
She explains, "Well, one popular myth is that African American
men are the most well endowed, when in fact, it is the Native
American man who owns this trait. Also, it is widely believed
that the Frenchman is the best lover, when actually it is men
of Jewish decent who make the best lovers."
"Very interesting..." the man responds.
Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed and blushes.
"I'm sorry," she says, "I just feel so awkward discussing this
with you when I don't even know you! What is your name?"
The man extends his hand and replies, "Tonto...Tonto Goldstein.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
A teacher was working with her pupils, trying to broaden their
horizons through sensory perception. One day, she brought in rolls of
Lifesavers of all flavors. "Children," she announced, passing out the
Lifesavers, "I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these and tell
me what flavor they are." The kids managed to identify the taste of
cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher gave them the
honey-flavored Lifesavers, every one was stumped.
"I'll give you a hint," said the teacher "It's something your Daddy
and Mommy probably call each other all the time ."
Instantly one of the kids nearly gagged and hollered, "Spit'em out,
they're assholes!"
