faintinggoatsfart's blog: "I am feeling so blogged today"

On June the 4th I had surgery on my lady parts, it was a laparoscopic surgery, that's where they put gas in your body to move your organs, and then they go in with long needle like tools and cameras. Well during this surgery the doctor perforated my colon which caused me to get an abscess (pocket of infection) which in turn caused my colon to become inflamed. When I got home from the surgery I was feeling groggy still from the anesthesia so I did not notice anything at that point. Once the anesthesia wore off I felt a tremendous pain in my right side. I started to freak out I was telling my mother and sister something was not right, they just figured it was normal pain from after the surgery and gave me pain pills. I was bent over the kitchen table just walking my feet back and forth like a cat kneading telling them over and over something was seriously wrong. A few days after the surgery I developed a high fever of 101 or 102, so I called the doctor and he told me to go to the ER. MY mother was unable to drive me to the hospital so I took myself, which meant I could not take my pain pills, so I was suffering. Once I got to the ER they took my blood work and my urine and made me wait in the waiting room. Well by this point I was in extreme pain and sitting only exasperated that, so I went and asked them if they could get me a cot, or anything so I could just lay down, they would not. I looked so bad that 4 different people also waiting for treatment went several times and asked them to get me a cot to lie down .. many hours of waiting in excruciating pain I could not take it any longer and I left, my mother had called the hospital and they said they would call if anything showed up in my blood work. Well I never got that call and the raging infection in my body would have shown up in my blood work as elevated white blood cells. On the 12th I had an appointment with the doctor who preformed the surgery. I went into the exam room and he looked me over. While in his office when we were talking about the results of the surgery and how I have been healing I asked him if he had done anything on my right side because I have been having intense pain on my right side, he said he had not and left it at that. So here I am in excruciating pain pretty much being told nothing is wrong with me, so I just feel like I am being a big baby. I am trying to just go on with my life and do normal things as if nothing is the matter with me; meanwhile a ragging infection is taking over my colon. Saturday rolls around and I went on a picnic with the guy I am seeing, we go take some pictures at a few different spots in concord and have a nice little dinner over in the grass at Old North Bridge. This deer came within 15 yards of us and just hung out for about 45 minutes, it was really an amazing experience. So we finish up there pack up our things and head home. The pain in my stomach kept getting worse and worse till I at last asked Peter if he would look online and find out where the apendics is. We found a site and all of my symptoms were that of an appendicitis, I just brush it off, I was afraid but I did not want to go to the ER for a 3rd time and be told nothing was the matter with me so I just went to sleep. Apparently I was moaning and crying out in pain, so Peter started to become aware just how serious things were so with the help of his room mates they peer pressured me into going to the hospital again. When we got to the hospital they took me right back to a room, at last someone in the medical field realized I was actually going through something serious. At first they all thought it was an appendicitis but once the CAT scan came back they knew it was something else. They admitted me to the hospital, but they were being very vague and not really telling me why. So Peter suggested that I call the doctor who did my surgery, so I had him paged. When he called me back, and I told him what was going on and asking him if he could call up the hospital and try and get some answers, his response was "this has nothing to do with the surgery", he told me that it was just gastro interjectional, that I should go home and I would be fine in 24 hours. He also told me I had said nothing to him about pain when I had scene him at our appointment. The treatment I received at the hospital from the doctors was great. They wanted to treat me as minimally invasive as they could because the alternative would be a major surgery where I would end up losing a lot of my colon. That is still up in the air though even at this point, if my body does not continue to respond to the antibiotics and if this does not clear up they will still have to do surgery. Its pretty scary still having that over my head after being released from my 6 day jail cell. The system they have with the nursing staff and the nurses assistants leaves a lot to be desired. When you would push the button to get help some angry woman would come in, not even make eye contact with you or speak to you, would just walk over and turn off your call light. You would have to tell them your problem and hope that they would relay it to someone who would actually do something about it. I wound up having a bad allergic reaction to one of the drugs they gave me; it took over 3 hours for me to get any kind of response to that. My IV would break down and I would need a new one almost everyday, and it would take hours for them to do it, so I would be left for hours sitting there in pain while they took their time to get around to me. So all and all after all of this I am very pissed about what happened to me, I don't know what I am going to do about it, in the very least I am going to talk to the board at the hospital where I first went to the ER and where the surgery was done. How many people do they put through this, how many of them end up dead?

They moved my room now i am in with a very large, smelly, loud woman who snores.my iv stopped working an hour ago and they have yet to fix it so i am sitting here in extreme pain. i think i may have to start taking #'s and start kicking some ass up in this place. i am body out of what is left of my mind, and i feel more lonely now that i am in a room with someone. the swelling and the hives are starting to go away from yesterday allergic reaction. i should put up pics from that, i looked damn sexy

well i have a slightly better idea of what's going on, that is until another dr. comes in and tells me something different. what seems to be the problem is my colin is inflamed. they don't know what is causing it, it could be a small hole, perhaps several holes, or it could be abcessed. they are treating me with iv antibiotics and very strong pain meds through iv. they are doing their best not to give me surgery. the doctor said that if i do need surgery its gonna be pretty major, they can't do it as a laproscopy they will have to completely open me up. it seems as tho i'll be here a few more days anyhow and as the dr. put it i am "not out of the woods, as far as surgery goes". its really boring here, all i have is tv and my phone. i was actually pleased to have a visit from my step mother.

I went to the dr. for all my results the other day. Yes I do have endometriosis and there is some scaring on my uterus as a result of this. I also have a slight infection from the surgery but that is clearing up, I have been taking the meds they gave me and I am feeling a big better. I don't have to wait a month to swim; those nurses were indeed liars, just like I said they were! The doctor wants to wait to see if the zapping of the endometriosis helps relieve my symptoms before we get into anything more invasive. He wants to see me in a month, and see how my period is. If I am still having the same problems we will look into treatment options, the most likely being hormones and I don't really want that at this young of an age. But really it's a wait and see kind of game. Oh and here is list of things they found in my vagina, a sock, wrist watch (silver tone), a license plate (Michigan State), an albatross, four leaf clover, a ladle, and the Dead Sea scrolls. The doctor said he was not sure if he was examining the stomach contents of a tiger shark or a uterus. If any of these things are yours go to the Melrose Wakefield lost and found to reclaim you items. Even though I have "female problems" I still love being a girl, cause being a girl means I am always right, YAY vagina power!

I met someone at a deer friend’s birthday party. There was lots of drinking going on, I got so drunk I was; dancing like its no ones business, giving lap dances, latter came the falling down. I had skinned knees and even a few skinned toes the next day. Yes it was a very good time. Anyhow the friends whose birthday it was had lots of friends there, some I had never met before. One of these people I had never met before was very cute, has a great open friendly personality, and talking to him is way better to talking to a tree stump. I think he is the one guy who can actually at times think with something other than his penis. We really seemed to hit it off that night and have been spending a lot of time with each other since then. I met him before my surgery, and since I have had it he has been being really sweet to me and walking in random places with me to help me feel better. When he was at my house he put in the AC’s so I would not be so hot and uncomfortable. He even told me it was ok for me to fart around him, because he read my blog on farting and farting is part of the healing process of my surgery. Everyone keeps on asking me what’s going on between me and this guy, my friends, my family, the voices in my head. The answer is I don’t know, I like him and he seems to like me but I am always so awkward about these things, I hate to be like “yeah so what’s going on with us”. It’s funny that I am that way, because I am not shy, and I really never get embarrassed but there is just something about the whole guy girl thing that makes me nervous. Be it we are just friends, dating or whatever I am just going to enjoy it and let whatever is going to happen, happen. At least until someone fills me in.

So years back, somewhere around the age of 21, I know I was at least 21 because I was wasted. I had been out with some friends by a random college; we had been drinking and having a good time. Well on the walk back to the car, how I managed to stay upright is beyond me, there were some guys hanging out on a porch. Me being me I of course flashed them. Well one of them noticed the tattoo on my right breast and called me over. He had a French accent so of course I went over to investigate him further, and as I had thought he was HOT! He asked me about the tattoo, it's a grateful dead bear and under it, it says "Bonnie". So he asked me the name of my other breast I told him it had no name, so he named it Pomp La Mouse, I guess that means grapefruit in French or at least that's what he told me. So that was pretty much it, my friends wanted to get going so we traded numbers, I never expected to actually hear from this guy. A few days later I get a call from someone with a very strong French accent; it was him it was Larount. He asked me how Bonnie Pomp La Mouse and I were doing, also what were doing. I had nothing planed for the day so he invited me over to smoke some pot with him (this is back when I use to love the dro). So I went over, it turned into a summer fling, we had a lot of fun and smoke a lot of greenery. But the thing I will always remember about this random summer fling with the French man is this; one night after smoking lots of trees I got really bad dry mouth, I was so thirsty I thought I was going to die. So Larount had a sink in his room, I know wicked random right, but none the less there was a sink in his room. After much complaint of thirst and not being able to find a glass, he goes over to the sink and fills his mouth with water and then feeds me the water like I am a baby bird. I know that sounds really gross but it was actually a HUGE turn on. I will never forget my summer fling with the French man or how hot it is for someone to feed me like a bird, thank you Larount where every you are!

Why is it that every time I meet someone new and I am attracted to them I have to fart so badly? Ok so yeah all my friends know I can be a gassy girl since I am lactose intolerant, and I am ok with farting around them. In fact I love farting around my friends, it makes me laugh. But anytime it's someone new I get all fart shy. I will literally hold in a fart until I have a stomach ache. I will try and go away from them to release the pressure of my gas but then it won't come out. But the second I am back in their presence I have to fart again. Then you try and do the slick spread the cheeks so it wont make a noise trick. It always works when you practice it at home, it goes off without a hitch, but anytime you actually need it to work it always fails you. I think I am cursed with I'm attracted to you fartitious. Am I alone with this, are there other people who suffer from this horrible condition. I also can't poop around new people, I one time went on vacation with someone and could not poop for a week. Is this normal, or am I some kind of freak?

I had my surgery last Wednesday, and as far as everything goes I'm doing as good as can be expected. Yes I am over doing it a little bit, but that's to be expected of me. I never have been the type of girl who does what she is told, so why would I bother doing so now, it is only the health of my lady parts, my lovely lady lumps in the back and in the front. So before the surgery, I asked the dr. about how long I would have to wait after the surgery to have sex, and he said I would have to wait a week. But after surgery the nurses say that I will have to wait a month to do anything, even swimming. I think they may be evil because it's been a wicked hot week and to tell me to stay out of the water in the summer and the heat is just so not going to happen. Also they say I need a month of "pelvic rest" nothing is to go into my vagina for a month, no tampons, no douching, no foreign objects, Lego men, or fruits and veggies. But pretty much that contradicts what the dr. said he said I can put strange things in my vagina after a week. What can't be put into my vagina aside, they said nothing about "external stimulation", there were no rules put on "flicking the bean". So the other night I am in my room by myself and I, well lets just say I had an urge, knowing the rules I kept the toy box closed up and went to work on what I could play with. I was doing my thing having a great time and I was getting there, breathing getting shallow, eyes closing, and just really feeling it. Well I felt it for sure, I felt every damn place they lazered on my uterus, and screamed out not in pleasure as I had been hoping for but in pain. There was about a 10th of a second of pure pleasure and then it was drowned out by the most intense body wrenching pain. I always have been a screamer but never in this way. I am so afraid I am going to be afraid of orgasms for the rest of my life. All these years I have spent living a similar life to a cat, they need 16 hours of sleep a day I need 16 hours of flicking the bean, what am I going to do with my time if I don't have that? Back to the surgery though, I will be seeing my dr. tomorrow for my one week check up and I will be getting the results of everything they did. I will update everyone on what they found and what it means and how long I have to really wait before I try and fit a bottled ship into my vagina.

So even though a lot of people canceled last minute on Jen, I still had a ball at her "toy" party. I learned how to ball fruit for the event. I was as always crazy over sexual AJ. Perhaps Jen's mother may run the next time she sees me, but that is a price I am willing to pay to make myself laugh and others uncomfortable. Something amazing happened at the party. I realized my nipples are not dead after all. That all it took to bring them to life was some nipple balm and they will bring me tremendous amounts of pleasure. It was as though dr. Frankenstien attached the car jumpers to my nipples and lightning struck the roof. All of a sudden my nipples came to life and gave me pleasure, the seat belt being against them made them feel good. Let me just say the next time someone is playing with my nipples and this balm is involved I will not be thinking about what I need to do tomorrow I will be thinking about please dear god don't let it stop. I hope it does not give me a screaming O right now though, because that would suck. But I am sure in the future my miracle cream will do so

My girlfriend's are always asking me what it is I love about the uncircumcised penis. I have put a lot of thought into it and my usually answer is pretty standard/lame, its natural, it just feels better. But last night I was once again finding my self thinking about this most elusive in the US, natural treasure of the pants, and at last it came to me. An uncircumcised penis is like opening a Christmas present, but not just any toy is under the wrapper. It's that toy you always wanted, the one with all the buttons, attachments, that has a chocking hazard label on the box. When I open up pants and find the elusive uncircumcised penis, it's like the clouds open up in the sky and light shines down, and I swear there is a chorus of angels singing. This Christmas present is totally interactive, and you have total control. That amazing extra skin that covers the head does us ladies a wonderful serves. Men who are uncircumcised are just so much more sensitive. Just pull back the 4-skin and give him a gentle kiss where the shaft of the cock and the head meet up to know what I mean. Drive him nuts; tease the hell out of him. That amazing 4-skin can also be used to desensitize him, just cover him back up and play with him some more its fun. I think everyone should try this amazing toy at least once, and like voting you do get a sticker once you have done it.