redbackwolf's blog: "iam he"

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I want to thank a recent experience for teaching me the value of pain and for those that want to claim responsibility for that pain…YOU CAN’T HAVE IT.

It is mine and one of the things that this experience has taught me is that these is a side to me that has become en-caged and if you wanted to unlock the darkness inside of me then congratulations for I have come to realise that the one thing that kept Me as Me was my ability to live a life in hope and to dream…

I have also come to know that there are several types of death and I have found one of those which is the death of the Spirit and with that death of Spirit comes the realisation that the nicer side of me is no more...so as for helping people in this life right now I am tired of being the nice guy and never achieving even a semblance of the dream that I have been given.

So I am going to go through this life just being like every one else as a self centred idiot that thinks of himself before all others and if people do not understand this then that’s your misfortune…and your lack of understanding….

Look within and you just might see death looking back

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To be human is to have the ability to rationalise the concepts of your own personal awareness of the conscious and subconscious mind and how the 5 senses react and interact with the world around us. With this interaction come the self awareness of the interaction of the morals and values that we place upon the ego and the identity of oneself.

We have the ability to rationalise and to recreate ourselves into a new life and to rise above some of the baser instincts and limitations that we subconsciously and consciously place upon the psyche and those to judge right from wrong.
To understand a view point wit the ability to choose say an act rather for or against the moral being of the character of I or of the ego.

So through self understanding of the ego or of the I should bring a self awareness that there is a moral implication in all things that we do, form our actions, our speech and our body language.

Only with interaction of our physical selves in the world do we have the fortitude to change the things around us, which we as a physical being having the ability to change.

Through the total understanding of I do we have the ability to understand others and to understand I is one of the greatest strengths that a person can bring to any conflict or debate and that it is through the conquering of oneself do we really come understand the conquering of others.

you know in this life i go through it not trying to make to many waves and the one person that i thought that i could count on to have my corner no matte what .was my friend Charles. well tonight he came outwith some shit that basically said that he didn't think i could do the degree well you know what .if you don't think that i can do this then fuck you i don't need you and if you don't want to be a member of my family and friends then delete me .and you know what good luck to you ..i am tired of negative ppl being. Its up to you ..but choose wisly..iam so sick and fucking tired of this shiote...i am going to achieve this degree for no other reason than for me.

IDEAS FOR ENHANCING SELF-ESTEEM Try to understand and accept that how you see yourself came from your family of origin, and can be changed as you begin to look at that family and their ways of surviving Although only you can give yourself positive esteem, it is helpful along the way, to spend time with people around whom you feel terrific Become aware of what is important to you and begin to concentrate on those things. What do you want in 5 years, 1 year, if you only had 6 months to live? We all have an inner voice that is accurate and knows what is best for us. Outer voices often muffle it. Allow time to be with yourself and listen to your inner voice. Look into a mirror and give yourself compliments. When you cannot hear those, call a friend (your biggest fan) and ask them to give you one. Create a new way to nurture yourself each day. One day you might write yourself a love note, one day you might take a walk along the water, one day you might bake something healthy for yourself. You are really worth it. Allow yourself to experience your fears and know that you can survive them. Then call a friend and talk about it. Let go of expecting others to meet your needs. YOU can meet those needs yourself. If another does something special, well, that's a gift and a surprise. Allow yourself to spend time along the way doing something you enjoy. Whether you read a sexy novel or take a bubble bath, it is important to experience aloneness as being fun. 17:48 - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove 13 Jun 2007 in the words of reback wolf 06-13-07 Current mood: bored Category: Life NURTURING AND ENHANCING SELF-ESTEEM When making big changes in life, whether from alcohol abuse, drug addiction, getting out of an abusive relationship or stopping the abuse, the first step is acknowledging that there is a problem that needs changing. Second is accepting that it is a problem and knowing there is a power availible to us to help make those changes. If in the early stages of this change you work on your self-esteem the journey will become easier as you travel it. It is natural to seek the knowledge to make those changes…. Good self-esteem will let you stand tall and ask the questions needed to acquire this knowledge. If a child gave up at the first fall, that child would never learn too walk. Always support yourself. Give yourself credit for every step you take whether it is big or small. The more you re-enforce your positive changes and learning's the better life will become. Here are a few ideas · Keep a journal. You will see you growth and change of direction in Life. To see the words written on paper is another form of communication with the self. · Start to identify your feelings, your needs and your wants, no matter how small or extreme. · Your feelings are real don't deny yourself them. Strive to express your feelings in direct, respectful and appropriate ways. · Write out the things you like about yourself on cards and put them where you will see them and believe them when you read it. The things you don't like about yourself, they are part of what made you who you are today. Embrace the lesson held within and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away. · Use affirmations. Say or write them everyday. Take any negative thoughts and make it into a positive statement. Place them on the mirror and read them with conviction. " I am strong and have the strength to do this, I have the power to make the change." " I am a good person worthy of love" " I am not alone, creator is all around me. Look listen and trust" · Hang positive and uplifting quotes all around your house. Read them often. "No one can make you feel inferior with out your consent." · Take time for relaxation exercises. It helps to stay calm. When we are calm it is easier to handle the big stuff. Just think with practice, you will be able to get calm by merely taking a couple deep breaths. Honest. · Pray. Ask for strength in times of weakness. Ask to be clear and balanced the way creator meant for you to be. Don't be troubled with the wording of it creator knows your intentions. Be honest and speak from your heart. Stand, sit, lay, bow your head, look to the sky, hold out your arms, just pray. · Choose to be around people that make you feel positive and good. · Read articles and books about Mother Earth spirituality and the old ways. · Read poetry, novels and short stories that will inspire you. · Seek out art, music and movies that encourage positive thought. · Join a support group, talk to friends. You don't have to do this alone. You are not alone. · Set goals for yourself. For today, This week, … · Look in the mirror and tell your self you are OK. You are unique and a beautiful child of the Earth. Being non-judgmental of you is great practice for being non-judgmental of others. · Be kind and gentle with yourself. Change is hard and takes time, be patient with you. It will come if you stay calm and positive. · Take time to be alone. Silence lets you hear your heart song. Sit on the Earth and let her guide you. Listen she is talking to you. · Be respectful when asking things of yourself… Give suggestions not demands. · Recognize, acknowledge, and move through fear and resistance. Ask for help if you feel you need it. It is Ok to ask for help. It shows the desire for knowledge. · Use your sense of humor; laughter is a great healer · Don't be ashamed to cry it heals the spirit. · Take a workshop, Knowledge is empowering. · Go for counseling, It is ok to ask for help. Sometimes all we need is a point in the right direction and a good support system. · Give yourself a foot massage · Put on some music and dance · Live life one breath at a time · Stay detached from the emotional crises of others. This can hinder us when we are working on improving ourselves. This is a time of healing YOU. · Sing; experiment and play with your voice, Let creation here you · Use relaxation and meditation tapes. Being calm is a big step to finding balance. · Smile… you are loved Never stop learning. Stand tall. Be counted. You are worthy of Creators love. You are not alone. You are part of the biggest family ever created. You where born a child of the Earth Mother, she has made a path for you to follow……… Be with peace and stay safe.

IN THE WORDS OF REDBACK WOLF 07/21/08 THERE ARE MANY PATHS UP THE MOUNTAIN BUT ONLY ONE MOON AT THE TOP This is something that I have believed in most of my adult life… but what happens when one loses his way upon the path does he just turn around and go back to the base of the mountain and start again or does one try to find a path from where he is and transcend from there. What if there is no other path, what if all the paths lead to nowhere and the correct path is just to forget about the mountain. Is that being a defeatist or is it just being a realist and just make do with what is given and forget the dreams and hopes. What if the moon that is at the top is obscured by others influences and desires that seem to be more important than your own. And so from here there is the obvious question and that is WHAT DOES ONE DO TO TRANSCEND AND GET BACK ONTO THE PATH OF THE SEEKER OF DREAMS?… Well I am afraid that the only person that can truly answer that is yourself, there are those in this world that can point you in the right direction but in the end it is only thy self that truly knows the answers and knows the direction that is to be taken. I have sat by the side of the river and I have seen the vision of my enemy float by and that enemy is thy self for we are own worst enemy most of the time, lets be honest there is nobody more critical than the self for our own nature is that of the ego and to desire to have no ego is self delusional for the ego is part of the self, the rational mind is a grasping mind that lives in a state of delusional self awareness most of the time and we all project an image to the world that most of the time is false as it is the desire to be accepted by others that deep down is a driving force behind most people in the world but occasionally there comes along an enlightened people that just want to exist in peace and so what does the delusional mind do..Lets go and conquer and if we cannot conquer we shall destroy and take what we want any way at the end of our lives we are the responsible ones for our own actions and so with this in mind let’s get back onto the initial subject of the mountain and the paths. The paths are our journey in life and for the Spiritual seeker who has lost his way what does he do…well the answer that is needed is only possible by asking the questions that have evaded the mind that has lost its way for questions are the beginning of wisdom but sometimes ignorance can be bliss for those who long to be accepted by people who are in the same state of unconscious thought for the Spiritual seeker’s journey is not one of acceptance by others par say but one of self acceptance and the trying to not lose the dreams and hopes that are part of the subconscious mind. Think of the journey as when you are in a car on holiday for example and you get lost what do you do…you ask for directions well when you are on this journey and you lose your way up the mountain sometimes you have to ask for directions and to do that you have to reconnect with the Spirit self and if you believe as I do then you will ask you spirit guide to help but if that answer does not come then you might need to ask others that have already travelled that part f the journey all be it on their own journeys but they may be able to act as a guide of sorts. They maybe able to show you the sign posts to look out for. If a seeker can calm the grasping mind and remained focused upon the paths of the mountain then he will find one that will transcend the spirit to the correct destination wherever that maybe for we all benefit from the toils of our labour but in the end when you come to the time of the physical transcendence and when we are ready to transcend to the next evolution there is only you that can say how you have lived and what lessons that you have learned. I hope that the lessons that we have learned have been worth the journeys that we have embarked upon for in the end we shall be as we were meant to be no matter how far up the mountain we have gone So let me ask you this how far up the mountain have you gone, is your path lost to you right now as there are so many in this world that are in the same position, is your moon obscured or is it shining bright. Sometimes the moon and the paths are obscured form us before we know it and then wham they are gone but they are never far away really we just have to relearn how to see them again. For remember this sometimes when we are blind we can often see things more clearly. Sometimes our dreams will change as we get older and our priorities change but if they are truly what you want inside then they shall never change and there is more ashes in our lives by answered prayers than those that haven’t been answered so be careful what you ask for in your heart for you just might get it. Which path are you going to take in your journey just as the wolf tracks his way up the mountain to reach his mistress of the night as he transcends the mountain what are you going to do to transcend your mountain. Remember the moon is waiting for you to reach towards her and so remember to howl when you get there and show her the respect that she deserves for your goal at the end of the journey s to embrace the goals that you have reached. If you feel that it is not the right time to get yourself back onto the pathways of the mountain then it probably isn’t the right time for the journey can be peril’s for the risk of success and failure is a great one but only will know the right time to start on that journey. If you have never really tried to transcend the paths of your personal mountain then there is no better time to start than now and just see where it will go. If it is through fear that you have never tried remember this A LIFE LIVED IN FEAR IS A LIFE HALF LIVED. Fear is not there to make us afraid of something it is just to make us aware that it might not be the best thing for us. Do you in your life want to be about what if...if so then remain a life in fear or do you want to live your life about I have gone ad found out and tried it. If you live your life and what if then there shall be regrets later on in life, yes admittedly there is the chance in life if you live it about I have gone found out there might be the possibility of a little bit of angst and pain…be it emotional, physical, or even spiritual but that is the chance that is taken. Is it not better to live one day as a lion or a thousand as a lamb it all comes down to the choices that you make and I feel that this blog has been about this? The choices that we make on our sojourns through the darkness and the light of our existence. Those of you that read this it will be interesting to discover the paths that you have taken on your journey up the transcendence of the mountain for there is nothing that is to big to transcend there is really only the limitations that you put upon yourself and your own hopes and desires. If you choose to let the hopes and desires cloud your own then they will be only for a small part of time for in time your own hopes and desires shall come to the forefront so why deny them strive to achieve them if you really want them go and get them do what ever you can to achieve them and make them happen. Well that’s all for now I will blog more later. Hope this helps some of you out there in cyberspace.

MY THOUGHTS SOMETIMES IN LIFE WHEN THERE IS DEATH SURROUNDING YOU..YOU CAN SOMETIMES IF LOOK WITHIN FIND THE WILL TO LIVE. BUT DEATH WHAT IS IT..IS IT THE END OR IS IT TRULY THE TRANSFERENCE OF ONE ENERGY INTO ANOTHER..OR IS IT THAT WE ARE JUST THOUGHT FORMS AND WHEN WE PASS ON TO THE NEXT IS IT TRULY JKUST A TRANSFERENCE OF THOUGHT FORMS. IF THIS IS SO THEN REALITY IS JUST AS WE PERCIEVE IT..AND IF WE JUST PERCIEVE REALITY AS WE WANT THEN TECHNICALLY THINKING OUR LIMITATIONS ARE JUST OUR OWN ADN THEN IF THT IS TRUE THEN WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO JUST ABOIT ANYTHING.. SO IF WE DREAM IT THEN WE CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN.. THEN SHOULD WE BE LIMITED BY OUR OWN LIMITATIONS OR SHOULD WE LET GO OF ALL OF THE DOUBT AND FEARS AND DARE TO DREAM..,DARE TO BELIEVE ...THEN WHAT ABOUT DISAPPOINTMENT IF WE DON'T ACHIEVE THE DREAMS..HOW DO WE AS COGNIZANT PEOPLE DEAL WITH THAT... WELL IF WE DARE TO DDREAM AND DARE TO BELIVE THEN WE HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE POSSIBLITY OF DISAPPOINTMENT, THE ONE THING THAT DOESN'T EXIST AS I SEE IT IS FAUILURE..THERE IS ONLY POOR TIMING.. BUT SUCCESS EVEN A LITTLE SUCCESS IS STILL A SUCCESS.AND SO LEARN FROM EVERYTHING AND ACCEPT THE FACT THAT YOUR TIMING WASN'T RIGHT AND KEEP ON STRIVING AND NEVER LOSE HOPE FOR TO LOSE HOPE THAT WILL BRING DISAPPOINTMENT AND THAT SHOULD NOT BE LET INTO YOUR LIFE...FOR THAT WILL BRING DISHEARTED EMOTIONS AND WE ALL KNOW WHAT THAT CAN DO... THIS WORLD NEEDS ITS DREAMERS FOR WITHOUT ITS DREAMERS THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN NO ADVANCEMENTS OF ANY SORT..WITHOUT ITS DREAMERS MANKIND AS A SPECIES WOULD NOT HAVE ADVANCED AS IT HAS..SOME MIGHT SAY THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN A GOOD THING BUT ITS THE DREAMERS THAT ARE TRYINGTO PUT THE WORLD BACK TO RIGHTS... SO IN CLOSING WHAT I WANT TO SAY IS THAT IF YOU REA DREAMER THEN CONTINUE TO DREAM BUT DO SOMETHING WOTH THEM AND DON'T JUST SIT THERE AND LET THE DREAMS FADE INTO NOTHING..AND IF YOU REN''T A DREAMER THEN I SAY TO YOU TRY IT YOU MIGHT BE SUPRISED....

WELL WHAT DO YOU KNOW ..HYUH..I AM STARTING UNIVERSITY IN SEPTEMBE..LOL..WOUYLD YOU HAVE GUESSED IT..YEP I AM STUDYING LAW TO BEGIN WITH AND THEN THERE IS A COURSE ON NATIVE AMERICAN STUDIESW APARENTLY..LOL..THAT I CAN STUDY ALSO..SSO YEP I WILL BE STUDYING FOR A WHILE..LOL ME WITH A DEGREE..THERE ARE THOSE OVER HERE IN THE UK..THAT THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER ACHIEVE ANYTHING WELL GUESSWHAT..LOL..IAM GOING TO BECAUSE I KNOW THAT I CAN DO THIS..LOL..WELL THATS ALL FOR NOW..WILL BLOG AGAINB SOON

wll an update for those that read these things..ll..i have the chance to go to university and so i have an interview and so ima going to study law....lol....well this is going to be hard but still its going to open other things for me and yet i shall still achieve a dream and yet it wil just take a litle longer is all.

well what can i say things are moving at a progressive paste here in the UK..i am going to stqrt university in September to study Law..yes Law..hehehehe..yeah me woth a degree but this will hopefully in the end allow me to progress with the rest of the dreams and put things into place for me to mve to the USa..hopes and dreams are still alive people ..not beaten yet..lol...I know that it is going to be a long hard road that iam about to embark on..but nothing good in klife ever comes easy..MAN i wish it did ......lol..then i wouold already be there..lol well thats all for now

This evening i was looking ofr a blank disk when i came across a disk from 2 years ago..by the Great Spirit did i open it up..gahhhh.it was the photo's from my marriage and my tiome in Chattanooga with my now ex wife..gooooddddd....and so yet again i realise that we as a species seem to be on this path of self hurt..why do we do this who knows but maybe it is to teach ourselves lessons from the past..but my god does it seem to hurt even now..so what do we do we putthese things away and carry on..so maybe that is what we do ..we bare with it and just carry on but for me making do will not do anylonger..iam through with just making do...if you want something go outthere and get it..so thta is what iam doing..i am going to go out there and do my damndest to mke something out of nothing and create a world for me that is good and pure..and if thta means that something hasto give then so be it..but i will achieve something..and hopefully along the way i will find that special someone to share my heart with.. well thats all for now.. see you later