papi75's blog: "joke"

Ingredients: 1 cup of water 1tsp of baking soda 1 cup of sugar 1 tsp of salt 1 cup of brown sugar Lemon juice 4 eggs nuts 1 bottle of Vodka 2 cups of dried fruit Sample the vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl,check the vodka again. To be sure it is of the highest quality,pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in largefluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it is best to make sure vodka is still OK Try another cup ... just in case.Turn off the mixerer. break 2 leggs and add to the bowl an chuck in the cup of dried fruit. pick fruit off the floor. mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck inthe beatererspry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the vodka to check for tonsisticity. Next,sift two cups of salt.orsomething.Who gives a shit? Check the Vodka. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of suger, or somefink.Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka and kick the cat. CHERRY MISTMAS

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door: 1)Sip the vodka, don't gulp. 2)There are 10 commandments, not 12. 3)There are 12 disciples, not 10. 4)Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5)Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. 6)We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. 7)The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook. 8)David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him. 9)When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass. 10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T." 11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" . 12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,. 13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God. 14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's

Two married friends are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. Take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent any noise. And she still wakes up and starts screaming at me about coming home late. "His friend looks at him and says "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed,slap her on the ass and say! "WHO'S HORNY????!!!" and she acts like she's sound asleep!

A prisoner escapes from his prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it. He finds a young couple in bed. He gets the guy out of bed, ties him up on a chair, ties up the woman to the bed and while he gets on top of her, he kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom. While he is there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy is a prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent a lot of time in prison, and has not seen a woman in years. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he will kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you" To which the wife responds, "I am glad you think that way. Sure, he has not seen a woman in years, but he was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he found you very sexy, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too..."