I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
I almost had a psychic boyfriend, but he left me before we met.
I drive way too fgast to worry about cholesterol.
I intend to live forever, so far so good.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Eagles may soar, but groundhogs don't get sucked into jet engines.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
When everything's coming your way, why are you always in the wrong lane?
Ambition is a poor excuse for not enough sense to be lazy.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Just some don't have any film.
What happens if you get scared 1/2 to death twice?
Breaking news: Energizer bunny gets arrested, charged with battery...
Shin=a device for finding furniture in the dark.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Laughing stock=cattle with a sense of humor.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
For sale: parachute, never opened, smnall stain.
It is hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Never take life too seriously, nobody gets out alive anyway.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate one can die at.
The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
If at first you don't succeed, bunji jumping is not for you.
A truly wiser man never plays leap frog with a unicorn.
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
Murphys Law: you can't fall off the floor.
Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
A woman woud rather have beauty than brains because a man can see better than he can think.
